horpio
Active Member
I remember vividly the day I walked into an adult shop to buy my first porn magazine. It was a gay magazine, although I saw myself as a straight guy at that point. I think that that act signaled the start of the slippery slope I ventured on. The path was littered with countless stumbles and falls. Getting up again and trying to quit the bad habit. Sometimes I would go for a few weeks without porn. Sometimes months. But boredom, self image and loneliness always drove me back to porn. So many times did I trash, tear up or burn my magazines and stash only to start all over again after some time. The process would repeat itself many times. Later came internet porn which brought its own challenges. No more need for magazines and videos or DVD's.
At one stage I managed to abstain for a whole year. But in that year I lost my heart to someone and when it became clear that he didn't feel the same way about me I relapsed. Since then it has been an uphill battle of on and off porn. I became socially distant and started pushing people away from me, not wanting to allow closeness or maybe hiding my secret. That has to change. I want to get my life back and I perceive porn addiction to be an encroachment on my freedom. No more porn.
This time I want to fight this battle with an army, not on my own.
I've been strong for 6 days now. This is my journal.
At one stage I managed to abstain for a whole year. But in that year I lost my heart to someone and when it became clear that he didn't feel the same way about me I relapsed. Since then it has been an uphill battle of on and off porn. I became socially distant and started pushing people away from me, not wanting to allow closeness or maybe hiding my secret. That has to change. I want to get my life back and I perceive porn addiction to be an encroachment on my freedom. No more porn.
This time I want to fight this battle with an army, not on my own.
I've been strong for 6 days now. This is my journal.