I Relapsed.... #90 DAYS REBOOTING CHALLENGE.

Hello rebooter! After long time i opened this site because i relapsed yesterday night I thought i rebooted but still i got strong urges of watching p and i also face some withdrawals of addiction so i decided to make a journal about it. I set another 90 days rebooting goals with consistency in making  a journal on this site. This time i will kick this addiction. Please support me and post some advice on my journal.
           
                                DAY: 1

Energetic day. I suffered from anxiety and stress but after doing meditation i feel very peaceful. I also create vlogs on my good and bad habits and played chess. I am really excited about my transformation goals.  Today i also decide to make journal regularly at least give 15 minutes to it.
                     
                                        89# DAYS TO GO. KEEP MOVING FORWARD, BE A WARRIOR 8) TO FIGHT AGAINST THIS EVIL.

                                  Day 2

Active day for me, i fought against my fears, destroy my high anxiety levels. I felt  so stressed when talking with strangers ( My family started social networking business so i working with them) I talked so many stranger girls and womens and get out of my comfort zone. I was not talked with them confidently, i was so conscious about my body language and my secret of addiction, in my mind i always thought negative about my self but today i change my mindset and think positive about my self. Today i also did meditation i also did workout( Leg day for boosting testo. ) and eat healthy diet. I am always trying to get out of my comfort zone and today i did it Some times in life we suffered from pain,depression, anxiety etc but this all things are temporary we can grow through this pain and one day life will find the way of peace I learn only one thing this addiction is wound and it takes time to heal just be stronger inside to fight because WE REBOOTERS ARE WARRIORS


                            #88 DAYS TO GO. DON'T BREAK YOURSELF, PUSH YOURSELF THROUGH THIS PAIN AND GROW STRONGER!

                                    DAY 3

Good day for me. Today i woke up late and had night fall in early morning but its ok. I talked with peoples, did meditation at afternoon. During workout my anxiety levels fired up i cant talked with friends confidently. I feel so tired after workout.All the time negative thoughts in mind. Rebooting journey is really long, we have only one option just keep walking on this path. I think making journal daily is very important, in past i thought i can handle this addiction but i was wrong.
                                                           
                                        #87 days to go.

Sounds great man. Keep it up. Fuck those negative thoughts. You can do this!

Yeah Mohamad zahwi. We can do it!
                         
                                            DAY 4

Today i relapsed but its fine, i feel so weak inside but my vision is clear. I cant control myself and watched p again. Because of stress i cant control myself and did this. Some times we fail but its important to learn from it and never give up 8) 

                                #87 days to go. Keep moving forward.

                      Day 5


  I relapsed again! i cant control myself and relapsed. Tough time. This addiction controls you. Now i am really serious about my reboot.  :-[It really frighten me. Starting new journey from today. Never give up!

                              #90 days to go.

That sucks man. It's very tough to relapse. It feels like you've been shattered somehow. But fuck that. This is your life and you will fucking own it. This addiction CAN'T control you. You can control you.

I get the feeling that you may be giving this "addiction" more power than it actually has on you. In reality, we crave this stuff because we used it. That's how drugs work. They make you feel like shit and weak, until we use them. (and this happens because we used them in the first place).

I know you feel like shit sometimes. Or scared as fuck sometimes. Or really really stressed sometimes. I do too. But there are better ways to deal with this rather than jerking off to some really disgusting shit online in a dark room by ourselves.

Next time you get these urges, shut everything down and try taking a walk outside, or anything that is beneficial to you.

I'm here for you man. Let's put this shit to an end.

Mohamad zahwi said:

That sucks man. It's very tough to relapse. It feels like you've been shattered somehow. But fuck that. This is your life and you will fucking own it. This addiction CAN'T control you. You can control you.

I get the feeling that you may be giving this "addiction" more power than it actually has on you. In reality, we crave this stuff because we used it. That's how drugs work. They make you feel like shit and weak, until we use them. (and this happens because we used them in the first place).

I know you feel like shit sometimes. Or scared as fuck sometimes. Or really really stressed sometimes. I do too. But there are better ways to deal with this rather than jerking off to some really disgusting shit online in a dark room by ourselves.

Next time you get these urges, shut everything down and try taking a walk outside, or anything that is beneficial to you.

I'm here for you man. Let's put this shit to an end.

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                          THANKS BROTHER FOR GREAT SUPPORT, YOUR WORDS REALLY INSPIRED ME ! 

                                                 
                                              DAY 1

    After relapsed back to back 2 days i scared a lot. I was really depressed last night and thoughts of suicide in my mind but i thought if i give up this evil wins over my soul. So i decided to start new journey of reboot. Today i talked so many strangers with confidently, my anxiety levels were dropped but still i suffer from this. I really need to boost up my confidence levels and self esteem and i am working on it. I set another 90 days goals of rebooting. I also studying books of yoga and spirituality. This time i really serious about my reboot. Finally i found my reason, why to stop watching p, " If i watch another video of p i support prostitution because that is reality of p and prostitution is destroy peoples lives. So if i demand it, it will supply and i really not desired to part of it.
                            89 days to go. keep moving forward!

                                    DAY 2

Good day for me. I talked so many strangers, girls. I control over my anxiety levels. I get urges of watching p but i control myself and started to write down my thoughts and make a journal. I feel so strong now, i am really excited for reboot. I also focused on my career goals as well as my fitness goals.
                     
                          #88 DAYS TO GO. KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

                          DAY 3
Another great day for me! i talked so many peoples with confidence but when i interact with peoples there was always negative thoughts about me flowing in my mind like crazy and then my anxiety levels fired me. In 3 days i failed to meditate but from tomorrow i am going to make it. Meditation is really important but my mind always runs and make bad decision. Today i am really happy because i gain my strength back and i am walking on the path of recovery. In past 3 days i was so lazy and nothing did any positive work.

# 87 DAYS TO GO! COME ON PRUTHU YOU CAN DO IT. WE ALL REBOOTER CAN DO IT. KILL THIS EVIL FOREVER AND SAVE EVERYONES LIFE.

You're doing great Pruthu.

Keep grinding your teeth and you will get there.

                                        DAY 4

Another great day. I fought against my urges, played chess, interact so many peoples and faced high level of anxiety. Today i also did meditation. It feels really good. I really want to change myself, my body language and my behavior. I watched peoples like objects, this addiction makes you worst inside. I think meditation is only key to change. Every day i suffered from anxiety, high stress levels, some times peoples laugh at me because of my body language, it feels really bad but i cant control my thoughts. But one thing i improved, now i am able to talk with eye contact but my confidence levels are still low and my self esteem. P addiction Withdrawals are really strong they make you weak inside, they punch you, i feel all the time crazy. Its really terrible. English is not my first language but i am trying to explain my emotions. Its really important to talked about p addiction in society and create  awareness about this addiction because every one says prostitution is bad or the peoples who involved in prostitution are bad, they did immoral act but the main tragedy is someon put prostitutionon internet with free of cost and peoples watch it, like it and laugh it but no one cares about this peoples, no who knows what happen with this peoples who are part of p industry. We are not aware about this things and thats why we addicted this shit. In my country there no sex education in highschool and college and so many peoples i met said internet pornography is sex education. Its really shameful. no one teaches what is importance of sex in life, every one suffered from this problems, mostly teenagers. I really feel lucky because of youtube i got solution of my problem and also this site. Because of this site i learned so many scientific resources of p addiction. I just knew only one thing whatever happen with us is happen for good.
   
                                                #86 days to go keep moving forward.


                   

                                        DAY 5

      Another great day, i talked so many peoples, did meditation. I face some p withdrawals like anxiety, stress, low motivation but i fight against this withdrawals. When i talked with peoples i feel very depressed because i cant able to build intimacy with them i am always afraid because i think they will judge me, the knew about my addiction and think they would laugh at me. All the time this thoughts coming in my mind. I am still watched girls as objects, their body parts are like objects. I don't knew how to handle this thoughts but it creates very high levels of anxiety during interact with peoples. Now i am focusing on learning yoga and workout. In past weak i cant go to gym because of high stress levels. I messed up with my workout program. Now i am looking for create new one with combine of yoga,meditation and healthy diet, i am going to make it after log out this site. One day i will be change, I update my version and help peoples who suffered from this addiction. 8) After addicted to p i really afraid to face the mirror, when i see myself in mirror i thought always bad about myself. I thought i am ugly because i watched p, no one likes me. but enough is enough now i am going to love myself no matter peoples what think about me. LOVE YOURSELF AND DON'T BE AFRAID.

                                        #85 DAYS TO GO. PUSH YOURSELF STRONGER.

                                          DAY 6

Fabulous day for me. I woke at 4:30 AM, read books, faced withdrawals symptoms of p. Now my main problem is anxiety and stress, when i meditate i feel so good but when i interact with peoples my anxiety levels hitting me and my behaviour totally change after some time. I was so conscious about my body, body language, what peoples think about me and i approach peoples so dumbly. Some times peoples see me like weird, girls laugh at me i really need to boost up my self confidence. In Past 2 years my version is not so improved i still remain self but i go through pain and bad experiences and good experiences comes from bad experiences so there is no regrets but my minds still runs from my problems and cant accept me. I am also studying about DHARMA and TEACHINGS OF GAUTAM BUDDHA. I thought spirituality is base of all arts, it teaches morality and art of living. I also notice another thing we cannot ignore sexual activities because sex is need of our body. I think when you suppress this thing it will make you worse emotionally, it is happening with me, thats  my experience. Sexual energy is most powerful energy in universe and its very creative i also observed that when you thought to much about p it increases your lust and destroy your heart. Its really happened to me after p. I know only one thing we all of us have very limited time to live our lives, we teenagers are really lucky that we found this site and information of p addiction. JUST GO THROUGH THIS PAIN BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY!

                                                    # 84 DAYS TO GO.  8)

Way to go dude, you're on day 6.

I can sympathize with the issues you face regarding social anxiety and stress. The best thing you can do during those times is to intentionally put yourself against the stress and the anxiety until it doesn't affect you. Think of yourself as a warrior preparing himself for a future battle. Except the only thing you're preparing yourself for is a better life. The best way to deal with stress and anxiety is to face it so much it won't affect you any longer.

Keep going my friend.

Thanks Mohamad zahwi for advice i will implement.

                                        DAY 7

I am really happy today, i completed 1 week without pmo. Today i reduced my stress levels i talked with peoples. I faced some additional withdrawals of p ( nightfall, brain fog etc.) Yesterday night i had nightfall 2 times, i saw in my dream that i fucked up a pstar. It really crazy ;D I don't knew why i saw this dream. Is it relapse? i don't know but i stopped watching p videos. My another bad habit is PROCRASTINATION now i am aware of it, today i decided to repair my cycle but i procrastinate my task its really bad i think. I am working on develop good habits. I am also suffered from low energy after some little work i stressed out. From today i am going to work on my goal settings plan and implementing from tomorrow. "NO EXCUSES ANY MORE AND NO PROCRASTINATION ANY MORE".
             
                                                #83 days to go.  8)

"I was so conscious about my body, body language, what peoples think about me and i approach peoples so dumbly. Sometimes peoples see me like weird, girls laugh at me i really need to boost up my self-confidence."

Hey man, don't overthink yourself too much! If you're putting this much effort into everyday life (like meditating, reading etc) you should be really proud of yourself, because not many people even attempt to do what you're doing! Also, I reckon you might be acting awkward right now and feeling a bit self-conscious because you're really tired from waking up early! Well, at least I've noticed that's what's happened to me a lot before. 

I think you should spend some time trying to love who you are though before you start trying to change yourself. I think when you definitely know who you are, it's a lot healthier to work on improving your good values, rather than trying to build yourself up to be someone you're not (trust me, it doesn't work).

Anyways, keep fighting man! You'll get there!