You sound sad and frustrated with the situation which is understandable. For me, I wanted to be accepted as I am without needing to just be useful to somebody by virtue of my job, money, time etc. So what you say resonates. I think everyone wants and needs that acceptance at a level - it is a basic human need.
I found this YouTube channel from The School of Life very interesting. There are videos exploring both being single and being in a relationship and many other things:
http://m.youtube.com/user/schooloflifechannel
I think a lot of your thoughts/doubts/hopes etc. are very common and normal feelings, even though they are uncomfortable or even unpleasant.
For me, the biggest thing I disliked about porn was the emotional and social disconnection it encourages in me. That is, when I was using it acts more to cut me off from the world - both directly in not wanting to go out and do things with real people but also emotionally in not being able to be there or connect with people I did find. Without porn on my life, I have to now find other ways of getting that connection which is really important to me. Instead of just locking it down in a box away from everyone. It would encourage me to stay lonely both in myself and out in the world.
So I just think that if you are not really very happy with your life (hey, who is?) then maybe it is a rationalision that your porn addicted old brain is trying to play on you:
1) I gave up porn to get with real people
2) But nobody wants me/it's too hard/life sucks
3) So maybe it's ok to go back to porn after all to make it better temporarily.
I'm not saying this is how you think or feel but it is one interpretation I could make of what you posted and I want to make sure to point this out, so you keep up all the great work you've done so far staying clean and not go back on the decision you previously made to be kind to yourself.
You are a loveable person, worthy of respect and kindness and all the happiness life has to offer.