My husband is on week 2 of no porn. He has shown no to very little withdrawal symptoms. Also he showed none of the addiction behaviors before I busted him. This is confusing to me. Not sure how this is possible. We also have great sex, like the best I have ever had. We are in our 50?s so I have had some sex to compare it to. I also worry about being part of the problem.. We role play some during sex. Like he throws money at me and I strip for him stuff like that. Is this a bad thing or not. I love him deeply, all I want to do is help in any way possible. He has been extremely sorry and embarrassed by his problem. We are going to counseling and he has a man in our church that he checks in with daily. I have taken all electronics and he is no longer on facebook either. He has stopped anything that is addictive. No alcohol, gambling, and now he is working on the caffeine. I am worried that all of it will be too much for him. Although for the most part he seems to be doing ok.
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Showing very little withdrawal symptoms??
- Thread starter Snickemns
- Start date
Emerald Blue
Well-Known Member
If your husband Is doing fine without porn, has daily support from his church AND you have great sex AND you are going to counselling, what exactly is the help you are seeking?
How you choose to have sex is entirely up to the both of you. It?s not for anyone else to say. Everyone has their own sexual template and if you are saying ?we have great sex? nobody here is going to tell you otherwise. I suggest you buy a copy of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction by Alexandra Katehakis. Typically I would only recommend this book after at least 12 months in recovery but as you say your husband isn?t having much difficulty after quitting and you describe your sex life as ?better than ever? then maybe you might benefit from it.
The biggest impact of porn addiction on a relationship isn?t necessary to do with sex. Porn addiction is primarily an intimacy disorder that stems from not having developed adequate coping strategies as one matures into adulthood. When someone quits porn their successful recovery has less to do with ?withdrawal symptoms? and sexual functioning and more to do with making meaningful changes in other areas of life, such as eating better, drinking less alcohol, exercising more, returning to activities that give meaning and enjoyment whether that?s reading, or playing guitar or sports, or study, or whatever. Forget about how many days/weeks and withdrawal symptoms or ?flatlines? or whatever. What you as a partner needs to see is someone living a healthier life, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
My partner quit porn relatively easily but he couldn?t fully realise the effects of his very long period of addiction until a long time afterwards. Once he understood his own history and how he used porn to self medicate and as an escape from various stressors, he could understand his own addiction. In truth, his porn habit was making him miserable so he was relieved to quit. I didn?t know that he had tried to quit but kept going back. Until it was a problem shared, he wasn?t able to stop. He didn?t stop because I caught him out. He stopped because he wanted to and he was ready. You can?t ?make? anyone quit. They have to want to ? for their own reasons.
Hope this helps. Not all porn addicts have the same issues. Not all porn addicts have the same feelings about porn. The ones who struggle are the ones who believe quitting is some sort of deprivation. Others like my husband see quitting as freedom and getting his life back. For partners, it?s the loss of shared intimacy, emotional and physical, that presents the real issues.
How you choose to have sex is entirely up to the both of you. It?s not for anyone else to say. Everyone has their own sexual template and if you are saying ?we have great sex? nobody here is going to tell you otherwise. I suggest you buy a copy of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction by Alexandra Katehakis. Typically I would only recommend this book after at least 12 months in recovery but as you say your husband isn?t having much difficulty after quitting and you describe your sex life as ?better than ever? then maybe you might benefit from it.
The biggest impact of porn addiction on a relationship isn?t necessary to do with sex. Porn addiction is primarily an intimacy disorder that stems from not having developed adequate coping strategies as one matures into adulthood. When someone quits porn their successful recovery has less to do with ?withdrawal symptoms? and sexual functioning and more to do with making meaningful changes in other areas of life, such as eating better, drinking less alcohol, exercising more, returning to activities that give meaning and enjoyment whether that?s reading, or playing guitar or sports, or study, or whatever. Forget about how many days/weeks and withdrawal symptoms or ?flatlines? or whatever. What you as a partner needs to see is someone living a healthier life, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
My partner quit porn relatively easily but he couldn?t fully realise the effects of his very long period of addiction until a long time afterwards. Once he understood his own history and how he used porn to self medicate and as an escape from various stressors, he could understand his own addiction. In truth, his porn habit was making him miserable so he was relieved to quit. I didn?t know that he had tried to quit but kept going back. Until it was a problem shared, he wasn?t able to stop. He didn?t stop because I caught him out. He stopped because he wanted to and he was ready. You can?t ?make? anyone quit. They have to want to ? for their own reasons.
Hope this helps. Not all porn addicts have the same issues. Not all porn addicts have the same feelings about porn. The ones who struggle are the ones who believe quitting is some sort of deprivation. Others like my husband see quitting as freedom and getting his life back. For partners, it?s the loss of shared intimacy, emotional and physical, that presents the real issues.