I signed up two years ago and then dropped out. Since then I have been working the RecoveryNation course, with some success, but not enough. One thing I seriously need is the 90 day break from P/MO recommended here. I plan to journal here a lot to help me with my awareness of potential triggers: being alone in my apartment or knowing I will be alone for some time (inevitable since I live alone); hearing dance club music; occasionally a sexually charged image or person. The next crucial step for me is to take a break EVERY TIME, which s exactly what I am not good at, and which causes my failures virtually the time. During my break, when I take it, I take about 10 deep breaths and visualize hat I would be doing if I walks away from the urge. I look at what the consequences of acting out would be from acting out vs not. sometimes I remove myself from the environment. This almost always works, at least for a while. I review my values and ask myself if 'm acting n a value oriented or emotion oriented way and take a look at my emotions so far that day. It sounds like a lot goes into that break, but it really only takes a few minutes to clear my head, and it usually lasts a while. I'm anticipating it will last longer the closer I get to rebooting. That's all for now. More later.
23:00 and going to bed. Just a quick checking. Emotions were generally positive today. Physical pain and realizing how my condition limits my activities started depressing me, but I 1) immersed myself in a project I was procrastinating over, and finished it. Then I went out and connected with friends and left isolation behind. Going to bed in a good frame of mind.
10:26-18 March. Today I woke up in a very positive frame of mind with regards to my recovery. I have a lot I want to get accomplished today, but when I put aside my recovery work to take care of tasks, I know it sets me up for a slip. At least for the time being, I have to faithfully work my program every day. That includes reviewing and reminding me of my core values: integrity, family, mental/physical/spiritual health, and community. I have to remind myself of my basic boundary: today I will not do anything that I wouldn't want exposed to the whole world. Finally, I have to remind myself that nothing lasts forever, and that the only decision I have to make is what to do with the time that is given to me. Now I have to take care of some work. If I start to feel any urges to act out, I am determined to take a break and journal about it.
23:00 19 March--I'm really tired, but I promised myself I'd write something very day. Today was good. I immersed myself in a number of things I wanted to get done, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of accomplishment. I spent only a little time reflecting on my values, but I did keep an eye on my emotional state throughout the day. The physical pain I had today was pretty unpleasant, and sometimes that sinks me into a strong depression. Today I recognized that I was starting to feel sorry for myself, and I was able to turn my thoughts toward gratitude, and it immediately reversed my feelings and made my day so much easier. For me, monitoring my emotions is very important, because, under the right conditions, ANY emotion-- positive or negative--can easily morph into an urge. The only non-value based decision I made to day involved snacking. Not a terrible thing at all, but I normally wouldn't eat that way. Overall, my day was great and I enjoyed experiencing it without the numbing that oorn goes.
23:00 and going to bed. Just a quick checking. Emotions were generally positive today. Physical pain and realizing how my condition limits my activities started depressing me, but I 1) immersed myself in a project I was procrastinating over, and finished it. Then I went out and connected with friends and left isolation behind. Going to bed in a good frame of mind.
10:26-18 March. Today I woke up in a very positive frame of mind with regards to my recovery. I have a lot I want to get accomplished today, but when I put aside my recovery work to take care of tasks, I know it sets me up for a slip. At least for the time being, I have to faithfully work my program every day. That includes reviewing and reminding me of my core values: integrity, family, mental/physical/spiritual health, and community. I have to remind myself of my basic boundary: today I will not do anything that I wouldn't want exposed to the whole world. Finally, I have to remind myself that nothing lasts forever, and that the only decision I have to make is what to do with the time that is given to me. Now I have to take care of some work. If I start to feel any urges to act out, I am determined to take a break and journal about it.
23:00 19 March--I'm really tired, but I promised myself I'd write something very day. Today was good. I immersed myself in a number of things I wanted to get done, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of accomplishment. I spent only a little time reflecting on my values, but I did keep an eye on my emotional state throughout the day. The physical pain I had today was pretty unpleasant, and sometimes that sinks me into a strong depression. Today I recognized that I was starting to feel sorry for myself, and I was able to turn my thoughts toward gratitude, and it immediately reversed my feelings and made my day so much easier. For me, monitoring my emotions is very important, because, under the right conditions, ANY emotion-- positive or negative--can easily morph into an urge. The only non-value based decision I made to day involved snacking. Not a terrible thing at all, but I normally wouldn't eat that way. Overall, my day was great and I enjoyed experiencing it without the numbing that oorn goes.