Hi everybody!
This is my personal journal, and being aware of being in the extreme upper tip of the age range I prefer to stress this circumstance in the title. I think that age matters for reboot, as well as health, cultural constraints and psychological attitude.
My story is similar to many others I read here. I am P-addicted since 10 years, and a consumer of porn since longer. However, only the Internet addiction really had a negative effect on my sexual performances. I am divorced since ten years, had few girlfriends during this time. Few months ago I started a remote relationship with a woman for whom I seriously fell in love, and it was mutual. To make a long story short, we met 4 times, never for more than one week. The last time was over New Year, for four days, during which I NEVER was able to get hard. Few days after her departure she left me, and I started the reboot (adding to the day calculation also the days while we were together, during which I did not see any porn).
Today is my day 13 after reboot, and I decided to start this journal, strictly following the guidelines. This also means that I will only update it when I will see some changes, either progress or regressions.
Why I want to try rebooting? I came into this forum by accident, googling something like "porn erectile disfunction". I had before some suspicion that M was the cause of my lack of sensitivity, but after the disaster with my last girlfriend, whom I really liked very much, I decided that time had arrived. I am agnostic, thus I never felt any shame or sinful in looking into porn. Sex is just for me a tool to reach a communication with your loved half. I used internet porn mostly out of boredom and lack of sense of accountablity, which for me are the real sins.
However, I realise that Internet can give other forms of addictions which, following the reasoning of the videos, should also induce low dopamine levels. Think of social media, like forums and FB, and checking them many times during a day. Indeed, I also tried to cut drastically the time I spend there AND the TV time in the evening, after dinner. Since I started rebooting I also read more. In the past I was an addicted book-buyer, I stopped when my daughters were born: now I picked up some of the wonderful art history and classics books I have, and I wonder why I left them so long on the shelves. But this prompts me to speculate that ALL IT addictions create a dependence and passive attitude, and I should make an effort to eliminate them if I want to be active again, also in the sexual domain.
Day 13 - Since 4 days, I started having again morning woods. Their duration and quality is constantly increasing, which for me represents a really pleasant surprise. I also noticed that I am attracted by looking at B sides of some attractive girls walking in the street, and this also is something new, although I do not get hard.
Also: I do not feel until now any interest for P, nor Internet and neither from media: I do not have to make any particular effort to avoid relapse.
I do not feel any sexual desire for real women, probably I am in the flatline. However, it is clear that I am only at the beginning.
Day 14 - Multiple and longer morning woods : I think that this rules definitely out any physiological cause of my ED. Given my age, I am surprised of these multiple MWs. However, I read here and there that quite possibly morning wood is not necessarily caused by any form of sexual desire: scientists are not sure about its neurophysiology. In any case, it is a sign that I also can, and eliminates a serious concern I had. I do not remember my dreams, however this morning I remember a flash from one I had just before waking up an noticing my MW, and it was a sexual situation where I was active: this is also encouraging .
I am more optimistic today, although I am aware that the way in front of me is still VERY long.
This is my personal journal, and being aware of being in the extreme upper tip of the age range I prefer to stress this circumstance in the title. I think that age matters for reboot, as well as health, cultural constraints and psychological attitude.
My story is similar to many others I read here. I am P-addicted since 10 years, and a consumer of porn since longer. However, only the Internet addiction really had a negative effect on my sexual performances. I am divorced since ten years, had few girlfriends during this time. Few months ago I started a remote relationship with a woman for whom I seriously fell in love, and it was mutual. To make a long story short, we met 4 times, never for more than one week. The last time was over New Year, for four days, during which I NEVER was able to get hard. Few days after her departure she left me, and I started the reboot (adding to the day calculation also the days while we were together, during which I did not see any porn).
Today is my day 13 after reboot, and I decided to start this journal, strictly following the guidelines. This also means that I will only update it when I will see some changes, either progress or regressions.
Why I want to try rebooting? I came into this forum by accident, googling something like "porn erectile disfunction". I had before some suspicion that M was the cause of my lack of sensitivity, but after the disaster with my last girlfriend, whom I really liked very much, I decided that time had arrived. I am agnostic, thus I never felt any shame or sinful in looking into porn. Sex is just for me a tool to reach a communication with your loved half. I used internet porn mostly out of boredom and lack of sense of accountablity, which for me are the real sins.
However, I realise that Internet can give other forms of addictions which, following the reasoning of the videos, should also induce low dopamine levels. Think of social media, like forums and FB, and checking them many times during a day. Indeed, I also tried to cut drastically the time I spend there AND the TV time in the evening, after dinner. Since I started rebooting I also read more. In the past I was an addicted book-buyer, I stopped when my daughters were born: now I picked up some of the wonderful art history and classics books I have, and I wonder why I left them so long on the shelves. But this prompts me to speculate that ALL IT addictions create a dependence and passive attitude, and I should make an effort to eliminate them if I want to be active again, also in the sexual domain.
Day 13 - Since 4 days, I started having again morning woods. Their duration and quality is constantly increasing, which for me represents a really pleasant surprise. I also noticed that I am attracted by looking at B sides of some attractive girls walking in the street, and this also is something new, although I do not get hard.
Also: I do not feel until now any interest for P, nor Internet and neither from media: I do not have to make any particular effort to avoid relapse.
I do not feel any sexual desire for real women, probably I am in the flatline. However, it is clear that I am only at the beginning.
Day 14 - Multiple and longer morning woods : I think that this rules definitely out any physiological cause of my ED. Given my age, I am surprised of these multiple MWs. However, I read here and there that quite possibly morning wood is not necessarily caused by any form of sexual desire: scientists are not sure about its neurophysiology. In any case, it is a sign that I also can, and eliminates a serious concern I had. I do not remember my dreams, however this morning I remember a flash from one I had just before waking up an noticing my MW, and it was a sexual situation where I was active: this is also encouraging .
I am more optimistic today, although I am aware that the way in front of me is still VERY long.