A 9 month recount

Ok so,
Jan 2017 I started hardmode due to years of excessive porn use.
I'm 35,first had sex when I was 15 and continued on for years.25 years old
Hit the porn hard for 10 years had all the useual problems,no response with
A hot girl in my bed ect,the last year or 2 fapping with no libido,ejaculating
With no erection etc,erections getting worse and worse same old story.

So Jan 2017 started hard mode flatline from the start,small dick same old story.
Felt libido and erections come back around day 70,then decided to fapp,bad choice
Chaser effect kicked in had a relapse with porn a couple of times over the comeing
Weeks and some edging to.Also waking up with bonkers sometimes to.Also had piv 2 times with help of Viagra.
Then over the comeing week or so I felt my libido slowly go away back to maybe flatline
Got a girl who I kissed a couple of times gave me a bit of a boner to.All of this went on over
6 month period.

So I went on around the world holiday for 3 months awsome trip,full dead Dick no libido had a blast in my trip,no fapping no porn no nothing easy as!!End of trip was in Asia got a massage and had the
Girls boobs out,I started to feel aroused,and was getting a boner,but that arousal feeling I haven't felt in ages so I took it as a good sign.

Now I'm home the last week I'm kind of feeling some kind of libido,cant get hard to touch,it's like dead Dick without the shrinkage,I got no porn cravings to Im done.

9 months with looking at porn at the start Ide think I would be good again?
Maybe depression or something else?

I got a girl been good friends she wants to be with me she's my dream girl,I like her so much,
She's picking me up next week,we have only kissed a couple of times but I'm shitting myself.
I know she wants sex but I don't know what to?I haven't had a realease in over 14 weeks.
I know I need a girl to rewire with to,I wanna be with her,but it's hard after 9 months you'd think
Ide be good to go,or maybe my brain just needs a jump start,good to test with some
Kissing and cuddling.

I don't smoke,but drink a bit excessive over the years but gave it away after my trip.
Went to another Dr to check my levels,she was like it's all in your head,so she wouldn't do it.
Had my levels tested 2 times this year came back all good.
Maybe I'm broken for ever,or I'm ok and just don't know,im worried about the girl I don't wanna loose her.
Sorry about the long rant guys any help would be great

From what I understand, you have successfully rebooted.  Your brain is wired to be aroused with REAL women.  Don't be worried if you aren't aroused when you are by yourself.  The fact that a topless girl in the room with you excited you sexually is a great sign!  I would relax and enjoy your time with the girl.  I'm sure you'll be great. 

You've put in a lot of hard work, time to reap the rewards!

Yes mate,
I think I just need the girl and test with her to get things going.Even though I don't
Get much mourning wood and no random boners during the day,I have to man up
And go for it.
No porn life my first 9 months has been highs and lows but I think I'm there but I just
Don't know it.I think it's a lot in my mind to.But I'm keen on a good kiss and a cuddle
And see what pops up!!

Hey Tracker,

Read your post.  Thanks for the feedback, nice to read a similar story.  It takes some time.  In my experience there was slow progress here and there and then one day it was on like a switch had been thrown.  I remember just having my dick back.  It was fits and starts for a while but diligently leaving the damn thing alone really helps.  Hang in there man, it's really rough at times, but remember this feeling, remember this pain and you will be able to use it in the future.  You'll be able to talk about what you went through and it will be in the past.

Yes mate,
Def a slow process,I think I'm through the worst of it now,now desire to watch it ever again
I do feel like I got a bit of a way to go,but I'll keep trucking along.I know that every day I'm
Not pmoing the better,it's has no time frame,but I'm cool with that.