beautywaytraveler
Member
Hello everyone,
I am 33 years old and I have been addicted to P every since I was a preteen, I cannot remember what age exactly. I remember that the scenes captivated me right from the get go. Ever since then, my privacy and pornogrqphy were practically synonymous. I have navigated so many videos, websites, AV stores, you name it. I have been through many smart phones, and each new one represented the base to watch P. All my life, watching P was my goal. My male relatives all deemed it normal, and I was even under the impression that my female relatives saw it as "boys will be boys". As I grew older I realized slowly how bad the addiction was. I got into relationships that I never enjoyed, and I remember one particular time where for three days straight I was not able to "get it up" with someone that I had met. At the time I did not understand why, now I know it was because of my brain's lock on the fantasy world. I wanted to be with someone, but that was overshadowed by the addiction to P.
Six years ago my wife and I found each other. She was the female consciousness of me. All our worldviews were almost exactly in line. She brought out feelings that I have never felt before. But, in terms of being in a real relationship I was not there, I was thinking about P, I was sexualizing other women, you name it. Even though I felt that connection to her I still wanted to watch P, and I did watch it. For every single day with her I watched it, up until she found out over two years ago. Then started the reboot. It was brutal for both of us. The hurt of losing a part of me, and the hurt of her knowing that I didn't honor her as a person and a mate, truly.
For two years I did not watch P. My energy came back, I was able to remember things more readily. I was able to feel life flowing through me more easily, and my general awareness got better. Despite all of that there is still that nagging part of me that is pulling me toward P and the sexualization of women. I relapsed two weeks ago, and it hurt my wife on a profound and spiritual level. But, the P has made me heartless. It took so much for us to stay together. I am amazed by her, she is a strong lady. I want to bring my mind full into the present to honor my wife, but it has been very difficult.
At first I did not want to join these forums, but I joined because I needed something to help me change. I have been a part of another forum for a few days now and I think that I already sense some relief internally. I wish the best for my family and for all my brethren here.
I am 33 years old and I have been addicted to P every since I was a preteen, I cannot remember what age exactly. I remember that the scenes captivated me right from the get go. Ever since then, my privacy and pornogrqphy were practically synonymous. I have navigated so many videos, websites, AV stores, you name it. I have been through many smart phones, and each new one represented the base to watch P. All my life, watching P was my goal. My male relatives all deemed it normal, and I was even under the impression that my female relatives saw it as "boys will be boys". As I grew older I realized slowly how bad the addiction was. I got into relationships that I never enjoyed, and I remember one particular time where for three days straight I was not able to "get it up" with someone that I had met. At the time I did not understand why, now I know it was because of my brain's lock on the fantasy world. I wanted to be with someone, but that was overshadowed by the addiction to P.
Six years ago my wife and I found each other. She was the female consciousness of me. All our worldviews were almost exactly in line. She brought out feelings that I have never felt before. But, in terms of being in a real relationship I was not there, I was thinking about P, I was sexualizing other women, you name it. Even though I felt that connection to her I still wanted to watch P, and I did watch it. For every single day with her I watched it, up until she found out over two years ago. Then started the reboot. It was brutal for both of us. The hurt of losing a part of me, and the hurt of her knowing that I didn't honor her as a person and a mate, truly.
For two years I did not watch P. My energy came back, I was able to remember things more readily. I was able to feel life flowing through me more easily, and my general awareness got better. Despite all of that there is still that nagging part of me that is pulling me toward P and the sexualization of women. I relapsed two weeks ago, and it hurt my wife on a profound and spiritual level. But, the P has made me heartless. It took so much for us to stay together. I am amazed by her, she is a strong lady. I want to bring my mind full into the present to honor my wife, but it has been very difficult.
At first I did not want to join these forums, but I joined because I needed something to help me change. I have been a part of another forum for a few days now and I think that I already sense some relief internally. I wish the best for my family and for all my brethren here.