Hi,
I'm new here. I have been reading up on PIED for a while now, but now I feel I need to be active in the community since I feel I am not getting anywhere. Let's start with my history. I am newly 37 years old and single. I started beating off around the age of 15. Mainly to my imagination. I wasn't getting laid so I figured this is what it was at the time. It went from once a week to every day. At age 18 I got my first computer with slow dialup. Beat off to short clips or pics every day, every other day. Did not think much of it. I also got my first BJ at age 18. It was cool. Sadly I did not have any real sexual activity for the next 5 years or so. I would make out with girls, this and that, but things never went further. I had no game, lived with my parents, and the family was dysfunctional. Also, I got high speed internet around the age of 22 or so. This led to beating off to free trailers that were more specific to actions or body parts than before.
Finally at age 23/24 I had my first real sexual encounter and was soft as a damn pillow. I was so embarrassed. We tried again. Same thing. We tried a third time with no condom and it worked. I came fast. From then on things improved and I was able to have sex with condoms with no problem. I still beat off every now and then to porn, but I was ok. I attributed the mister softy to being nervous and forgot it had ever happened. The relationship lasted about six months and then I got tired of her. We hung out a few months after I dumped her and I could not get it up. That was the last time we hung out. Looking back on things, it was because I was back on porn. No sex for a couple of more years. Then I had a cool girlfriend for a few months. Before we ever had sex Things were oral, no problem getting it up at all. When it came time for me to have sex with her, I could barley get the condom on. The next time I was able to but went soft within a few minutes. The third time I sexed her with no condom and all went well. Although fast because it felt good. We ended up splitting up shortly after. I still find it odd that whenever she oral things were fine but when sexing it was not.
Anyways, at this point I lived alone. I was about 26 and I started seeing women more regularly. None I really wanted to stick around with because the last girl kind of hurt me by breaking up with me, and I rode a high horse to begin with always seeing the negative in a woman. I would be fine getting oral but whenever I had to put on a condom it did not work and I would have to go raw and cum faster than I wanted. I am really lucky I did not contract an STI even though I though I vetted these girls. I was never into the easy ones. This is about the same time tube sites came out. Uh oh. I had one girl who stuck with it for a few months. I would sex without condoms, but I ended up losing her because of my attitude. More girls and more of the same. I would always get nervous after having sex with no condom, especially the first time. I would still beat off to porn constantly as the sex was not always often. I got a prescription of ED meds. Did nothing.
I ended up with this one girl on and off for a few years. I kind of settled. The usual problems at first, but I was actually able to use condoms on her once conditioned. The problem was that she was a horrible lay. She just layed there in missionary position the whole time like a dead fish. I would usually would have to make myself cum. Horrible. Any other position was always a big deal. She would come over and play with me on and off for a couple hours before we would eventually get into it. Turning me on and off, on and off. I really think this did a number on me as far as wiring my brain and duration of erections in the future.
Fast forward to next girlfriend (who I actually loved), I had trouble sexing her. We never even used a condom. She would give me oral and i would be fine as long as her mouth was around me. When i was finally able to penetrate her my penis would get soft after about 5 mins. And I could only keep it up in the missionary position (hmmmmmmmm). She dumped after a few months and I cannot blame her. After she dumped me we sexed a few times but I would come very fast. Maybe from not having it like I used to? My penis felt very sensitive. Anyways we got into an argument one time and I ended up calling it quits for good and never talked to her again. This was about a year and a 9 months ago. After this I was beating off to porn more regularly. I was down in the dumps hard between the relationship and other things going on in my life. This is when I decided to see a urologist and he tested my testosterone and said everything was fine. He suggested I see a shrink. I did not.
Around this time I noticed that my erections were weak beating off to porn. At this point I was also tired of porn. I did it more as routine that me actually wanting to do it. I started to worry and this is when I discovered PIED and what was wrong with me, though I did not dive too deep. I immediately stopped watching porn. FLATLINE. I was panicking. My penis was not as big as normal and I had zero drive. OH SHIT! I beat off to porn a couple of times just to see if things worked. They barley did but I would feel depressed after. I looked more into PIED and learned about flat lines and more about rebooting. So I tried to embrace it, but I was very depressed. I would beat off without porn every couple of days in the shower just to see if things worked. Boner not as hard and not as big. I used to be bigger in a nice way. I had no urge to watch porn, although I did relapse once after a drunk night a few months in but only beat off once to one video.
At this time I met another (bigger) girl. Next thing you know I was getting oral intermittently. She was a bit of a head case and I wanted to keep my distance. I was fine getting oral. Hard (probably could be harder) as long as she was making mouth contact or i was in-between her breasts. I never penetrated her. Never even tried. Through this time, still NO porn and occasional beating off. Sometimes I would see her once a week, or once a month. The way she acted was like a pornstar when she did what she did which was honestly quite weird and I had no emotional connection. When she was not around and I beat off I would come fast. Occasional morning wood, sometimes really good. I know this is part of the rewiring. After a while her and I parted ways. This was about 4 or 5 months ago. The last sexual partner I had. I still felt too embarrassed to have sex with her because I knew what would happen and I coundn't take the mental pain that came with it. Looking back I should have done things different.
Anyways, around October I decided I needed to step up my reboot so I started NoFap. All was going good until today as far as not beating off. During this time my sex drive has dwindled and next to no morning wood or random boners. I did get occasional morning wood and a couple of random boners with beating off in the mix. Anyways I been getting really tired of not having a boner and a flatline dick. In the shower today I decided to test the waters and see if I could get hard. Beating off very slow and thinking of this new girl im talking to. Wasn?t that slow. Before I was even hard I shot the biggest amount of precum I have ever seen (the last girl said my precum was plentliful as well). This was bigger than many of the nuts I have busted. At this point I was like fuck it, might as well beat off. So I did, but before my dick even really got hard I came. I'm not sure what to make of this. I probably should not have beat off today and the only reason I did is because of the precum incident. I really actually want to have a wet dream. That seems healthy.
This NoFap reboot is killing me because I don't really have drive but I keep telling myself that I do or need to. I'm not exactly sure. It has been very tough because in this time period of the last 6 to 8 months, there have been more girls that want to sleep with me than ever. This is just my luck. I'm embarrassed. I had one girl in bed and all i could do is spoon with her. My penis did not get hard in the least. I had to leave one girls house because things were stepping up and I could not take the embarrassment which was to come. I've been walking out on way too many opportunities with way too many hot girls. I am too embarrassed to tell them about my problem. Who wants that? Girls talk. I live in a small community. I don't want people to know my dick stopped working form porn. ughghhhhhh. I'm talking to one girl now that is super hot and I'm not sure what to do at this point. I try not to go out as much but I need social interaction. My friends are probably starting to think I am weird because I don't want to talk to girls much. It's killing me to know that I cannot sex these girls, especially how these girls need to be sexed. I feel like I never sexed a girl right. There was always a problem on my end. I just want this reboot to reboot and be finished. I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like I've been on the no porn path to the NoFap path and not much of anything. I have my life together, I own a house and a business with a decent amount of money. So this problem is killing me because I feel like I never will have a family. My porn addiction (which I didn't even know I had) will never come back. I have no urge whatsoever, and now that I know it is a mental drug I want no parts. I'm good at quitting things. I did cigs cold turkey and never looked back. Relapse is not going to happen, I've never really had triggers. The only positive thing about all this is that I don't have that urge to beat off at some point in the day and I can focus on other things. It is nice. But I need to get this together and I am sharing my story because everyone's is different and maybe there is one similar to mine. Thanks for reading!
I'm new here. I have been reading up on PIED for a while now, but now I feel I need to be active in the community since I feel I am not getting anywhere. Let's start with my history. I am newly 37 years old and single. I started beating off around the age of 15. Mainly to my imagination. I wasn't getting laid so I figured this is what it was at the time. It went from once a week to every day. At age 18 I got my first computer with slow dialup. Beat off to short clips or pics every day, every other day. Did not think much of it. I also got my first BJ at age 18. It was cool. Sadly I did not have any real sexual activity for the next 5 years or so. I would make out with girls, this and that, but things never went further. I had no game, lived with my parents, and the family was dysfunctional. Also, I got high speed internet around the age of 22 or so. This led to beating off to free trailers that were more specific to actions or body parts than before.
Finally at age 23/24 I had my first real sexual encounter and was soft as a damn pillow. I was so embarrassed. We tried again. Same thing. We tried a third time with no condom and it worked. I came fast. From then on things improved and I was able to have sex with condoms with no problem. I still beat off every now and then to porn, but I was ok. I attributed the mister softy to being nervous and forgot it had ever happened. The relationship lasted about six months and then I got tired of her. We hung out a few months after I dumped her and I could not get it up. That was the last time we hung out. Looking back on things, it was because I was back on porn. No sex for a couple of more years. Then I had a cool girlfriend for a few months. Before we ever had sex Things were oral, no problem getting it up at all. When it came time for me to have sex with her, I could barley get the condom on. The next time I was able to but went soft within a few minutes. The third time I sexed her with no condom and all went well. Although fast because it felt good. We ended up splitting up shortly after. I still find it odd that whenever she oral things were fine but when sexing it was not.
Anyways, at this point I lived alone. I was about 26 and I started seeing women more regularly. None I really wanted to stick around with because the last girl kind of hurt me by breaking up with me, and I rode a high horse to begin with always seeing the negative in a woman. I would be fine getting oral but whenever I had to put on a condom it did not work and I would have to go raw and cum faster than I wanted. I am really lucky I did not contract an STI even though I though I vetted these girls. I was never into the easy ones. This is about the same time tube sites came out. Uh oh. I had one girl who stuck with it for a few months. I would sex without condoms, but I ended up losing her because of my attitude. More girls and more of the same. I would always get nervous after having sex with no condom, especially the first time. I would still beat off to porn constantly as the sex was not always often. I got a prescription of ED meds. Did nothing.
I ended up with this one girl on and off for a few years. I kind of settled. The usual problems at first, but I was actually able to use condoms on her once conditioned. The problem was that she was a horrible lay. She just layed there in missionary position the whole time like a dead fish. I would usually would have to make myself cum. Horrible. Any other position was always a big deal. She would come over and play with me on and off for a couple hours before we would eventually get into it. Turning me on and off, on and off. I really think this did a number on me as far as wiring my brain and duration of erections in the future.
Fast forward to next girlfriend (who I actually loved), I had trouble sexing her. We never even used a condom. She would give me oral and i would be fine as long as her mouth was around me. When i was finally able to penetrate her my penis would get soft after about 5 mins. And I could only keep it up in the missionary position (hmmmmmmmm). She dumped after a few months and I cannot blame her. After she dumped me we sexed a few times but I would come very fast. Maybe from not having it like I used to? My penis felt very sensitive. Anyways we got into an argument one time and I ended up calling it quits for good and never talked to her again. This was about a year and a 9 months ago. After this I was beating off to porn more regularly. I was down in the dumps hard between the relationship and other things going on in my life. This is when I decided to see a urologist and he tested my testosterone and said everything was fine. He suggested I see a shrink. I did not.
Around this time I noticed that my erections were weak beating off to porn. At this point I was also tired of porn. I did it more as routine that me actually wanting to do it. I started to worry and this is when I discovered PIED and what was wrong with me, though I did not dive too deep. I immediately stopped watching porn. FLATLINE. I was panicking. My penis was not as big as normal and I had zero drive. OH SHIT! I beat off to porn a couple of times just to see if things worked. They barley did but I would feel depressed after. I looked more into PIED and learned about flat lines and more about rebooting. So I tried to embrace it, but I was very depressed. I would beat off without porn every couple of days in the shower just to see if things worked. Boner not as hard and not as big. I used to be bigger in a nice way. I had no urge to watch porn, although I did relapse once after a drunk night a few months in but only beat off once to one video.
At this time I met another (bigger) girl. Next thing you know I was getting oral intermittently. She was a bit of a head case and I wanted to keep my distance. I was fine getting oral. Hard (probably could be harder) as long as she was making mouth contact or i was in-between her breasts. I never penetrated her. Never even tried. Through this time, still NO porn and occasional beating off. Sometimes I would see her once a week, or once a month. The way she acted was like a pornstar when she did what she did which was honestly quite weird and I had no emotional connection. When she was not around and I beat off I would come fast. Occasional morning wood, sometimes really good. I know this is part of the rewiring. After a while her and I parted ways. This was about 4 or 5 months ago. The last sexual partner I had. I still felt too embarrassed to have sex with her because I knew what would happen and I coundn't take the mental pain that came with it. Looking back I should have done things different.
Anyways, around October I decided I needed to step up my reboot so I started NoFap. All was going good until today as far as not beating off. During this time my sex drive has dwindled and next to no morning wood or random boners. I did get occasional morning wood and a couple of random boners with beating off in the mix. Anyways I been getting really tired of not having a boner and a flatline dick. In the shower today I decided to test the waters and see if I could get hard. Beating off very slow and thinking of this new girl im talking to. Wasn?t that slow. Before I was even hard I shot the biggest amount of precum I have ever seen (the last girl said my precum was plentliful as well). This was bigger than many of the nuts I have busted. At this point I was like fuck it, might as well beat off. So I did, but before my dick even really got hard I came. I'm not sure what to make of this. I probably should not have beat off today and the only reason I did is because of the precum incident. I really actually want to have a wet dream. That seems healthy.
This NoFap reboot is killing me because I don't really have drive but I keep telling myself that I do or need to. I'm not exactly sure. It has been very tough because in this time period of the last 6 to 8 months, there have been more girls that want to sleep with me than ever. This is just my luck. I'm embarrassed. I had one girl in bed and all i could do is spoon with her. My penis did not get hard in the least. I had to leave one girls house because things were stepping up and I could not take the embarrassment which was to come. I've been walking out on way too many opportunities with way too many hot girls. I am too embarrassed to tell them about my problem. Who wants that? Girls talk. I live in a small community. I don't want people to know my dick stopped working form porn. ughghhhhhh. I'm talking to one girl now that is super hot and I'm not sure what to do at this point. I try not to go out as much but I need social interaction. My friends are probably starting to think I am weird because I don't want to talk to girls much. It's killing me to know that I cannot sex these girls, especially how these girls need to be sexed. I feel like I never sexed a girl right. There was always a problem on my end. I just want this reboot to reboot and be finished. I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like I've been on the no porn path to the NoFap path and not much of anything. I have my life together, I own a house and a business with a decent amount of money. So this problem is killing me because I feel like I never will have a family. My porn addiction (which I didn't even know I had) will never come back. I have no urge whatsoever, and now that I know it is a mental drug I want no parts. I'm good at quitting things. I did cigs cold turkey and never looked back. Relapse is not going to happen, I've never really had triggers. The only positive thing about all this is that I don't have that urge to beat off at some point in the day and I can focus on other things. It is nice. But I need to get this together and I am sharing my story because everyone's is different and maybe there is one similar to mine. Thanks for reading!
