7th time trying

hi every one.

I am 34 year old male. I started masturbation when I was a kid. i masturbate in an average of 3 to 4 times daily. I wasn't realize that I am an addict and I could not perform in real sex until i get married.

after marriage I realize I could not ejaculate on real sex. Masturbation is the only way for ejaculation and orgasm. But with out porn I could not masturbate also. Then i started searching a cure for this problem. That time I saw this forum and I got to know that my problem is delayed ejaculation due to porn addiction. 

From that moment itself i wanted to stop this thing but i could not. that was the moment I realized I am an addict of porn and soft porn movies. First try go 7 days. second 10 days. maximum i got 30 days no fap. But when i do sex with my wife, she always want to see porn movies.

I talk with my wife about my problem. She said she like this problem because while doing sex she is enjoying it a lot because i can stand more than an hour without loosing the hardness. But no ejaculation, no libido, no pleasure I feel nothing. I am like a machine to do sex. 

This is my 7th time attempt. I choose this time because my wife is pregnant now. And also my several times failure I understand my week points also.

This is my 15th day today.  14 days I finished successfully without PMO.

16th day finish successfully. Today no triggers. Thank god..

20 days finish successfully. Small small triggers only. But I could control my mind every time. Thank god. My penis skin feels so soft now a days. Good change.

21 day.

oh my god. today is the worst day ever. Morning itself i feel very lonly and too much urge to shake. I was feeling depressed. I chat with my girlfriend but that not help me. anyway today i saved with out PMO. Thank god you saved me. There is a pain started from one of my testicles.  its not huge but not small also. i feel very bad. what to do.

jithinkraj said:

21 day.

oh my god. today is the worst day ever. Morning itself i feel very lonly and too much urge to shake. I was feeling depressed. I chat with my girlfriend but that not help me. anyway today i saved with out PMO. Thank god you saved me. There is a pain started from one of my testicles.  its not huge but not small also. i feel very bad. what to do.

Click to expand...

Porn never makes anybody feel better on long term. It only adds problems. No matter how you feel during the day, it's life, that's all. Life is not a continuous amazing feeling. It has bad moments too. When porn didn't exist, how did people deal with bad days? Think about that.

jithinkraj
Continue to do what you are doing. DO NOT STOP.  When you feel good, and you feel like you are going in the right direction, it will be much easier.
When you feel depressed and anxious and you feel like you want to explode.. these are the DIFFICULT times. These are the times when you need to be the strongest.  You can do it.  Only if you continue to go through all the pain and new feelings will you then begin to really change one day.  Eventually you will gain your sexuality back.  You have to keep going.  You can do this.  It will become easier eventually. 

22nd day

thanks for the support guys. Compare with yesterday i feel good today. No hard feelings. But there is that pain still exist on my left testicle. It grows through the vain to my back and left leg too. Some times i feel back pain.

This is my 7th time trying ok. last 6 times why i failed because of this pain only. After finishing sex with my wife then there is no ejaculation then after 5 minutes this pain will start. if i do masturbate then there is no pain. That pain vanish immediately. If i not then it will starts growing to higher level of pain. some time i cannot handle my self.

I think my body wants PMO very badly. and it torture me to do it.

thats why i took this time for rebooting again because my wife is pregnant now. so no need to do sex for some months. So amount of pain will be less. 

anyone know this painful stuff. I did int read any experiences such in this forum.

I dont think it may be  bad idea to go to the doctor to check that out. Or maybe you just have to stick to the plan until your body desintoxicates mentally, emotionally and physically and will get back to normal. I dont have much experience here, so I will let someone else that has gone through something similar to help you out.
For now I can surely say, good job at 22 days and keep at it.

For safety, maybe it's a good idea to go to doctor. But it could also be just a reaction to the recovery process because I've read a message written by a recovered porn addict (I don't think it was on this forum) and he said he had a groin pain for a period of time while recovering from porn addiction. Anyway, I would go to doctor nevertheless.

23 rd day

oh really. you read that. thanks lot. Any way am not going to see any doctor. because like this problems they would suggest surgery only. That is no use I knew it. I consult with some doctors before. They not even know about PIED. then how they cure it. This reboot is the only way to heal it.

Today i feel better. I think like before said it would be easy become eventually.

Great job on 23 days! You are almost at a month!

I think the pain will eventually go away as well. Don't let that be an out of your recovery.

24th day

today my 24th day. No big challenges today. yesterday night my wife touch my penis. No erections feel nothing. Before there is hard erections but no pleasure and ejaculation. Now I think all its talents are gone. Its good any way because some changes are happening there.

today no triggers at all. today one of my friends send me some nude lady pics on whats-app. accidentally I have look at it. But i feel happy because there is no triggers I feel nothing and I suddenly deleted that photos.

I feel my brain started the process of rewiring. So i keep waiting for the rebooting.

My pain in the testicles are still same. not so high not so low but its there.

lets see.

Hoping things change for you soon. But even if it doesnt happen soon I think its still worth it.
Congrats on not going down on those nude pics. You should tell your friend to cut it out.

27th day

Today morning feels not good. Lack of orgasm pulling me down. Feel like wanted to see my favorite channels on YouTube. Many updates would come there. But I know if I look into it only one time then all my strength will be gone.

Oh god please help me to overcome this urge. When I can have a real orgasm  :'(.

Yesterday also my wife touch my penis. It's not even getting hard. Something is happening inside my body. May be it's rewiring.

29th day

Guys I realapsed today. Feeling very bad. Last 2- 3 days I was under too much pressure. What will happen now??? All the benefits I got will loose??

Whatever it is I am not going back. I will continue my journey. So today is my 29th day. By mistake I did PMO today. I will not do it again. I want to finish my 120 days challenge without another relapse.

These urges to PMO is very difficult for me at the morning time. Every morning after wake up I feel very upset. I need to find some way to use this time to release my energy. Morning walk or cycling something like that. I should care about this when the starting itself. I was little overconfident this time. I felt I could complete this time easily. My mistake

Brothers please send me suggestions.
 

In 29 days some rewiring happened in your brain and I don't think just 1 PMO session will delete all that. Don't binge and go on. Look at this PMO like a step back. You got delayed for a little bit but you can move on. It would be bad if you returned to your PMO routine, PMO-ing at the intensity you used to. If you are not back to that, it's good. Let's say you used to PMO everyday or once a week, twice a week, three times a week etc. Going back to that would be a full blown bad relapse, not just one PMO session. That's how I see it. We don't need to reset to zero after one slip. Also, think about what made you PMO and try not to repeat the same mistake next time.

A 29 day streak sounds awesome to me. I've only been there once in 20 years. Time to get up and do it alover again because we do not have an alternative.

30th day

Thanks brothers orangespider and lero for your highly positive replies. normally if I step back, after one PMO session it will repeat again and again. cannot control stop PMO ying. But this time after the PMO ying I could control my mind.

Today also I feel better. Some flashes of soft porn movies i saw yesterday is still in my head but it is not controlling me today. NO triggers today.

32nd day

Finished successfully. No triggers. Now another problem coming. Wife trying to do hand job at night. But penis have no errection at all. Why it's like this???

35th day

Finish 35 days successfully. Thank God.