Author Topic: Well, this is it finally  (Read 1713 times)

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #50 on: March 12, 2017, 07:49:25 PM »
Now I think that I am filling my life with rubbish porn, subporn, ons etc. just because I don't want a relationship right now where I am. Last night I met someone for a short time and the experience was bad, as it was with other people I have met before. The experience was bad for me in my head because I don't want this kind of experience. I like only relationships for what they bring of human relation, fun chats and connections and gentle close sex. I dislike my way of dealing with my personal and also professional life now. It's all going to trash seriously because my head is in the bin and not outside breathe fresh air. It's really time to realise what I am doing with all the good things that I have achieved so far in my life. It's gonna go all to trash if I am not more in the moment. So... that's what I am gonna do right now. Get my head out of the trash and look outside.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #51 on: March 13, 2017, 04:38:14 PM »
Yes! Maybe you don't need a relationship right now? I mean I'm just a simple stranger here. How would I know, right?
But your entries read like a situation where you just need to calm down?

At the moment I'm trying to get my head out of any kind of sexual stimulation AND satisfaction. Give it a rest. Try to find sth entirely different.

Like you said it... "going a new path"

Come on... Try again!

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #52 on: March 14, 2017, 02:50:23 PM »
hey... I hope this is not unhealthy pressure... but... are you alright?

You're not gonna give up here, right?

I know it's tough! But the longer you try, you will get better and better. And in the end you will make it!

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #53 on: March 15, 2017, 10:39:04 PM »
hey... I hope this is not unhealthy pressure... but... are you alright?

You're not gonna give up here, right?

I know it's tough! But the longer you try, you will get better and better. And in the end you will make it!

Hey buddy!
Thanks for your feedback ;) Of course it's cool to write here your opinion! Much appreciated.

You are right. I don't need a relationship right now. I spent sometime on dating app and got somehow hooked up on it. I have met casually two people and it was for one weird and unhealthy, for the other one much nicer and chill with only fun discussion. But now I have went through the process and feel like I am not interested anymore to do that. I spent much time thinking or chatting their and it didn't progress at all. So I have decided to just remove myself from it. Just kept some contacts outside of it with most friendly people I have talked to and anyways there is not much talk there either. It's just chill. But bottom line I don't feel like spending any more time on it. Yea I guess it was fun to socialise with people I don't know. But that way, it's also full of weird people and the time I spent looking or thinking about it VS the real time of actually fun, is too big to continue. So I am cool to just move on.

Recently did quite a bit of outing and drinks and smokes. Not good at all and I feel pretty tired. So here again, I am back to rest, eat and sleep and work hard, train hard. That's gonna be both needed and welcome now.

And regarding pmo etc. I haven't been good at all. So again, no triggers with the chatting will help me to stop thinking about sex and mo.

Reboot day 1 :D
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #54 on: March 16, 2017, 02:38:02 PM »
Alright. Great you're not giving up! Keep it going!!

I will get easier...

By the way... Are you aiming for 90 days of Reboot or longer?

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #55 on: March 16, 2017, 07:21:28 PM »
Hi Kevin,

Not sure. So far, I went up to 20 days before and it seems that 30 days is already a long stretch. Depends on what we are talking about. If its a nofap it's harder then than no pmo only. I am gonna start with a 30 days nofap. Hard Hard but worth to try.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #56 on: March 19, 2017, 08:53:57 PM »
Ok, weekend went well. Got to meet an interesting person for once and she was very attractive too. I have still been binging on mo nonetheless without actual porn. Gotta tame this urge for climaxing really because I am not in control on this side. Plus, although the sport is going well, I have been drinking and smoke more than I use to a few weeks ago. That means there is something wrong in the process. So refocus again to the path.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #57 on: March 20, 2017, 07:24:04 PM »
I am still porn free. That's a start. But I still didn't do nofap. I got excited with random chats with some girls I got to know a little. I doesn't feel wrong but just doesn't help if I want to stop mo for a little while. At least I got to sleep better last night. And I think that's most important right now. Sleep well, work well, eat properly and get some exercise and avoid alcohol and smokes as much as possible to have a good energy and balance.
I also realise that my taste for sex is going better and I don't have cravings for things that I don't like in general or weird acquired tastes because of porn. This is good and comes from reconnecting with real people. Of course there are people with their own tastes, but in general I am only attracted to women with similar original taste.
Alright, another day, good :)
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #58 on: March 21, 2017, 03:10:59 PM »
Hey Dave!

30 days nofap? alright THAT IS hard. Hmmm... I try 90 days NO PMO... But maybe a little nofap would make a bigger difference.

And I already said that this strategy is more helpful... At the moment I don't count pure "M" as a relapse... I think about changing that.

You know what's strange? For me it's getting better, too. But I can't really point at the certain point why it's getting better. Somehow it's NOT motivation or new inner values... It's more the fact that my mind gets used to the idea of not having an orgasm is natural... wow...maybe the brain DOES heal itself...
But a new lifestyle will support your progress of course...

PS.: There are a few habits that may be able to weaken the addictive habits... I try to take cold showers in the morning. That makes more awake... and more aware of your mind and the surroundings. Try that!

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #59 on: March 21, 2017, 10:31:12 PM »
Hey Kevin! Thanks for your advice mate.

Yea I actually didn't remember that I said 30 days nofap. This is how much I counted on it hahaha.
No seriously, I have tried to just sty way from porn for the last few days. It is working but not last night. I felt tired and excited so full of emotions and thoughts too. In the end, I didn't control myself and I moed quite a bit. Man this is really weird how much I focus on sex these days. I have been too much trying to get attention from girls and to date and even though it was fun and actually it felt good to actually get to see someone, I also feel now too much attracted by the thought of dating and maybe having sex. It's a sweet sour taste though because it doesn't necessarily has much emotions for the person behind it. So yea, I am actually realising that my chatting dating thingy is starting to drain my time, energy and focus and is replacing all that with sex thoughts. Not quite what I expected. I think I am too free to let myself do that and in the end I replace every sort of duty and breaks with this. Not good I have to admit. So how should I do this. Just completely stop chatting with new people to avoid temptation of sex and pmo? Or simply put a time for that to limit myself? I am gonna think about what's the best for now.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #60 on: March 21, 2017, 10:51:57 PM »
Actually just a quick note here, I am looking at sex addiction. It seems pretty relevant to me and even more than porn addiction right now. I know we don't emphasise much on sex addiction in this forum because it's not the main problem for most people, but it's worth having a look a it for some of us who are shifting from porn addiction and solitary sex to sex addiction and sicking for casual sex, risky too and full of sexual thoughts.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #61 on: March 22, 2017, 01:57:14 PM »
hey Dave,

have you considered making "guy-friends"? Maybe hanging around with dudes is helping... maybe dating possible sexpartners is tempting too much!

maybe you should keep yourself busy with sth. more constructive...
 - creating a band
 - painting
 - team sport (!)

- only use the internet when you really need it
- rest enough
- cold showers --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GShvGXwaijg

Good Luck!

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #62 on: March 22, 2017, 06:53:57 PM »
Thanks Kevin! Yes, I have guys friends and also a good team for training that I see most of the time during the week as I train quite often with them.
I am gonna cool down on the dating part yes. Most of all because it's more of a sex seeking like that I feel sometime as it gives me this feeling of tunnel vision and anxiety when I am too busy texting people. I don't feel bad about that but just I know it's not what I want.

Last night I watched a very nice youtube video about sex addiction. I recommend it to everyone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkX6pZI6FgQ

That was exactly the kind of information I needed to know because it's not only porn that is my issue now, but my sexual health and the ways I go around with it that is important. I felt like I didn't manage my life so well these days. So it was good to know.

Anyway, I didn't pmo yesterday and tried to mo with my own imagination and thoughts about a real relationship instead. It was possible and pleasurable. I will limit myself to that now. And also, I removed dating app so I am not in this tunnel vision again. I want to enjoy real life and have a broad vision. I don't like this feeling of tunnel vision. It feels weird when you realise you were in it for a while.

Good day to everyone
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #63 on: March 26, 2017, 03:40:37 AM »
Just checking here for a little while.
I had a thought today about getting something in your life. It can't happen if you are not convinced that you can do it. I have had this feeling before, and now I realise that I am just about the same today regarding my intimate life. As long as I can't believe that I can have a simple, healthy and free intimate life it won't happen anytime soon. So I should probably start there if I want to achieve some progress there. Of course there are many practical steps that are real and outside of pure conceptualisation and visualisation. Such as, staying out of definitely undesired behaviours. Hookers, even chatting or sex chatting with them, porn, getting drunk and tired, etc.
But that only is not helpful for the long run. If I want to achieve something, I need to believe that I can do it and that I am this person who achieve this. Simple ideas first. Such as, I am healthy now and I am now able to feel my body as my support for life. My body produces energy everyday and this energy is there to create and support life. I produce, store and use well this energy in my life. So everyday, I am using my body to produce energy to live life to the fullest.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #64 on: March 26, 2017, 01:45:19 PM »
Hey Dave!

Wow! You are really committed to progress, now!  8) ;)

great! hope everything works a planned.


DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #65 on: March 26, 2017, 07:06:00 PM »
Hi Kevin,
Hope you had a great weekend ;)

Yes, I think it's much more important for me now to realise that just counting days of renouncement is not enough to really live my life to the fullest. I believe I can be free from this anxiety and pressure from unhealthy behaviours now and that's more important so that I am fully aware of what I have done in the past but I know what I am capable of now. Again, there are clear behaviours that won't make it and I must avoid it definitely now. Hookers, chatting with them, porn, sex with people I am not actually attracted to or seeking it. Those are definite behaviours that I am not letting in my life. For the rest, I learn where my intimate life and experiences lead me again. It's a bit like I haven't learned it properly or I did unlearn some good things I had in my life. Now it's time to learn the best things and relax.
And there are other things in my life that are important and need my clear attention now.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

DavePaular

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #66 on: March 28, 2017, 08:06:19 PM »
Pretty smooth days here. I m out of porn and unwanted behaviours for a few days now. I don't miss it. I am working on my other commitments such as work and sports achievements. Its tiring but this will achieve good deeds for once. In sports, it takes days after long trainings for the body to start changing and adapting. This feels the same with any good habits and work I am doing now. The first feeling that comes to mind is usually "why I don't have my reward now and I feel exhausted only". That is my way to view things as many of us who live a easy life, that we don't realise, and we expect quick rewards in what we do. Well, it is good to unlearn this and to remember what it means to start something for longer term achievements. Sometimes it doesn't take long but in general it's important to remember why we are doing something rather than doing it for mere rewards. For instance, while I am working hard and training hard, I am being healthy, I earn a living so that I can live a good place and do other things such as meeting friends, going to sport classes etc. I am also changing habits such as alcohol or cigarettes and rebuilding a framework in my intimate life with respect to not using unhealthy behaviours and dangerous acts. I am not only rebalancing my life to a previous state of mind before I started using porn for instance, I am actually using this knowledge and experience to get beyond all that and build my life as a man. Someone who might one day has some keys to help other people, such as my kids, to build their own life in a healthy way. This takes time and efforts and I am doing it now because I want to build myself this way. For the long term.
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."
― Aristotle

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #67 on: April 14, 2017, 04:21:39 AM »
Long time no see!

How is it going? You're alright?  :)

Kevin Kay

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Re: Well, this is it finally
« Reply #68 on: April 19, 2017, 02:02:44 PM »
hey, you there?  :-X