3rd Reboot Attempt and Rewiring

Hi, let this be the first entry in the long list of entries I will be making throughout this reboot.

I have been watching porn as early as 7 or 8 years old.. Yeah... It was mainly softcore porn you would see in R-rated movies, but it escalated into actual hardcore porn when I got an Ipod Touch for Christmas at 14 years old. Since that time, I had been watching porn daily, when I wake up, come home from school, and go to bed, I would spend at most 1-2 hours per session... I am 21 now.

The main reason I first stopped watching porn was when I couldn't get an erection with this one girl that I liked back in September 2015. It was also my first opportunity to ever have sex but the embarrassment of not being able to get it up really emasculated me. We reattempted 3-4 times throughout dating before SHE broke up with me and even told me mid way trying to get me hard if I was "Gay."... Since that time, I realized porn was a really big issue. I had quit and had another opportunity to have sex months later into my reboot in the same year but still couldn't get it up. My frustration blew up by Valentine's Day 2016, and I felt really alone, lost and defeated after seeing couple after couple be so happy. So I said, "Fuck it." and started watching porn hardcore and some really fucked up stuff, too. Then, I realized that porn was making me feel empty and I attempted another reboot in June.. but that only lasted until this past November. It started with some Instagram videos of girls rubbing their boobs, then it turned to me looking for videos on instagram of porn videos where you only see the girls face while she's having sex, but with moaning and all, and then I just dove straight into watching porn again... and back to the same routine of about watching it 3-4 times a day with an hour or 2 for each session.

Yesterday, I just felt empty, sad and really fucking bad about myself and I started exploring porn that I thought I would never watch and that's when I realized that this addiction I had was turning for the worst. I also realized my self-esteem has gone down the toilet, and I'm not as vibrant as I once was when I wasn't watching porn; I had turned back to the awkward person that I was when I was watching porn. I had seen the effects of not watching porn on myself but even THAT wasn't enough to keep me from watching again. Let's just say a mixture of stress, loneliness, and not being able to get a date since this past April has really put a stick in my progress... But this is it. Enough is enough. I need to do something about this Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction before it pushes away another girl I like. I've had about 6 opportunities to have sex but all those times I couldn't get it up. THAT alone has made me feel less of a man. It is also the main driving factor into why I haven't attempted to date any girl anymore... because I'm afraid I'll relive the experience of having one of the girls call me, "Gay."

So, starting today, December 21, 2016, I will not watch porn and let it grip me any longer. I want to be happy again and I want to be able to have a normal relationship with an actual girl than with a computer or IPhone screen. I will delete all the porn I have, including the ones I have saved for years.

I will post daily/weekly, depending on how I feel
If you would like to email me any kind of advice that would help me, you can get me at [email protected]

I know this rewiring and reboot will probably take a year or maybe even 2 years but I am in the for the long fight.

It has been 5 days and so far so good. However, I believe it's because of the holidays and I'm surrounded by family that I don't have the craving for porn. I know when I head back to college and back to my apartment, the loneliness will come haunting...
I've also had not been masturbating for these past 5 days as well and I might as well issue myself a new challenge and see how long it will take before I go "nuts" for not masturbating for so long. My old record was about 2 weeks, I'm going to try to aim for a month.

I definitely relate to you bro. Im sooo sick of being lonely, I'm ready to get this behind me and have real relationship. But like you I know it's gonna take time. I'm gonna really try to get in to fitness to keep me occupied. Good luck bro I'll be keep up with you!!! We gotta kick porns ass!!!

Matt, a huge recommendation for fitness is powerlifting. It's the sport I do and everyone in the sport is really supportive. But keep in mind, heavier weights will really increase the testosterone levels in your body = higher sex drive because testosterone is known to be one of the sex hormones. So don't be surprised if you get horny around girls after working out (results usually occur in 3-4 months of working out).
Give it a shot! Powerlifting really does suppress sexual aggression but then reinforces it more a day or two afterwards. It really is a double-edged sword haha Good luck!

Will look in to that. I'm just really out shape and over weight I feel like this will be a great time to start focusing on my physical health as well as my mental.

For the past couple of days I have had some pretty vibrant and strong sex dreams. Maybe it's my head trying to make up for not watching porn haha

Today marks a week without porn. Let's try to make it a month!

Hell yeah man day 6 for me. Starting to deal with some urges. I'm not having sexual dreams but I'm having real wild lucid dreams lol. Good look stay strong!!

Congratulations on trying to get your life back an trying to end this cycle...my advice for your reboot is to also give up masturbation for a period of time. No porn or masturbation is the true path to reaching a successful reboot. I know its not gonna be easy but u have tools to fight the urge.. I myself would lift weight, run a lot of miles, go on hikes an that would work wonders for me.  Another thing that helped me was that I dispised porn an what it did to me.because of porn it ended a beautiful relationship I had an that was enough for me to quit porn. I know one day u want to have a girlfrind which would lead to a wife an a family, so now its the time to say fuck porn, I want my life back. U gotta fight for it bro.it took me a year in 2 months to get through my reboot.. Trust me it wasn't easy but it has made me a better an stronger person because of it.. If I can do it so can u bro..good luck an keep me updated

Damn Mike, a year and half? My longest attempt was 7 months. Looks like a year is the goal.

I've been having more vivid and stronger dreams and I think my mind is fighting me on giving up on all the porn. But this is normal, I've experienced this before... but not to this degree. Will keep y'all posted.

Yup bro I've been clean from porn ever since I quit an I don't plan on going back. All those vivid dreams are normal..its your brain trying to trick you back to your addiction..as you go into deeper into your reboot u might also start getting wet dreams which is also normal an shows that you're on the right path..like I said embrace the journey an give it all u got

The weird sex dream happened again last night... And this time it was me watching the people instead me doing the actual Act. I had some alcohol in my system so maybe that played a part in it, but again it was very vivid and this was some strong lucid dreaming.

Got one more day to hit the 10 day mark...
81 days to go y'all of no masturbation or porn.
Lord help me (???)

Today, I woke up to a morning wood that brought on about a whole lot of urges. Still trying to keep it together, but the Spring Semester of college starts again in 10 days and a whole world of stress will be coming my way to hold onto my scholarship.

Still not using porn and not going to masturbate until after 90 days. This is going to suck.

Happy New Years y'all.

Well, I had another sex dream again last night, and this time it felt all too real. I thought I was actually watching porn in my dream and I thought I already screwed up on not watching porn. And then I woke up to morning wood...

Kind of looking forward to flatlining so I don't have so many temptations screwing me up.

Almost at the 2 week mark y'all.

No sex dreams or anything from last night. Woke up this morning to a semi-hard morning wood. It's kind of good for me to start entering the flatline phase; at least my mind be on sex for a while and I can actually focus on school.
I almost gave in to getting drunk last night due the loneliness and I think not being able to masturbate for another 75 days or so. But my body was so worn out from working out yesterday that I just plopped myself into bed and now I woke up feeling better.

Tomorrow marks the 2 week mark.

Glad to hear your staying strong man I know the loneliness is real but I just keep reminding myself as long as I watch porn I'll never be able to have a real loveing relationship it's just a cycle like any other addiction

Reallllly felt like I was going to masturbate this morning because I had one of the hardest morning woods.

The Devil is really tempting me with temptation but hey, I didn't end up masturbating and just opened up Instagram to take my mind off it.
And I found out the 90 day mark before I can masturbate again (without porn) is March 21st, which is a hella long way, but hey, I'm doing this for me and let's see how long I can hold out haha

Today marks the 2nd week without PMO.

Still staying alive! ?(????)?

First of all congratulations on your milestone. 2 weeks is a great achievement, don't underestimate it and be proud of yourself. Keep doing what you're doing and 21st of March will be a piece of cake. Good luck bro, stay strong and kick the devil's ass!!

Ha, I woke up this morning to remembering the dream I had last night.

It was about a girl I knew a long time ago, and things were getting steamy with her, and then midway, I just stopped her and told her, "This is wrong. I have to wait." And then she gave me a disappointed look to me and didn't talk to me for weeks (this is all still within the realm of my dream mind you). Then I see her again and explain her my situation about how whenever I go on a date with a girl, things always escalate within a day or week of knowing them and I end up building a relationship off of lust rather than getting to know the person (this is awfully true, it has happened with the past 3 girls I dated).

But the scary part of this dream was how vivid and real it was... Like I could feel the fear I had when the girl was trying to take off my pants in the dream, I panicked and stopped her for fear of having PIED with her... These dreams are weird but hell, they sure do paint reality quite clearly or bring up what you keep in the back of your head.

Today marks 2 weeks and 1 days without PMO and masturbation.

Lol I almost had a wet dream last night dreamed I was getting head but woke up not gonna lie I was a bit disappointed about waking up haha

And also I'm with you on how real and bizzare my dreams have been I've haven't dreamed like this since I was kid guess my imagination is coming back to life