Author Topic: Committing to Reboot  (Read 5053 times)

blackdragonsdg

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #150 on: March 20, 2017, 07:09:43 PM »
Congratz on your 90 day milestone.

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #151 on: March 28, 2017, 08:35:18 AM »
cheers mate!

Things are going well, I'm not counting clean days, and not getting urges – which is almost scary, as I’ve related my self to seeing almost everything in life sexually for my entire adult life. I learned that PMO is an addiction, there is nothing pleasurable about addition, addictions have to be dropped, there’s no haggling with something you have no control over. I’ve been reading the YBOP website (quite hard to read as there are so many links in each article to other articles!). Stuff I kinda knew, but it blows the mind – P causes brain changes. BRAIN CHANGES! by watching porn we are creating another, shittier version of ourselves.

Anyway, I wanted to write a journal post cos I was decluttering old diaries – have about 10 years worth in a drawer. Goodness. 10 years of PA entries. the same shit, almost every day for 10 years! ‘I’m so depressed! I’ve been P binging! I have to get myself together. I’ve had 2 good days... damn, I relapsed!  I’m so depressed!........’

I had no idea things were so bad for so long and I just wish I could go back and help this guy out who’s been suffering for so long.

The last ‘urge’ I had recently was a little voice saying, ‘No one's around! why don't we do that little pleasure trip? It’s no big deal’. It’s amazing to think this ‘no big deal’ voice has caused us so much suffering for so long. I’m about to throw all the diaries out, feels like a nice way to start this new happy lifestyle I’ve acquired.

Web100

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #152 on: March 28, 2017, 03:55:15 PM »

"by watching porn we are creating another, shittier version of ourselves" well said!! no truer word spoken . That's the truth of this whole thing in a nut shell.

Congrats on your progress, obviously you struggled for a long time before eventually having this success. Great to see!!

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #153 on: March 29, 2017, 06:21:41 AM »
Thanks mate! I'm glad to see your counter suggests you're doing better than you sounded on your last journal entry.

What were your thoughts on The hackbook? It was a big influence for me- I wish I could turn more people onto it but I don't want to sing about 'The Answer' to PA. Of course, it's not 'The Answer', we can always choose to go back if we choose to; battling against our own brain is a tricky business! Of course it's not perfect - you can sense the writer is experimenting with the idea. Nicotine leaves the body in a few days, and withdrawals from P induced dopamine hits are a little different. I actually went on to read the original 'Allen Carr - quit smoking' and it seemed to work perfectly - so relevant to porn addiction. nicotine is an addictive poison that does nothing for us, just as porn is a poison for the brain that destroys our lives.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2017, 07:38:13 AM by gazz »

Web100

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #154 on: March 29, 2017, 04:58:39 PM »

I thought the book was a very interesting read. I loved that it wasn't the typical scare factor of deltafos b on the brain etc.. more like the reason we PMO is to relieve the pangs of the previous session. It really made a lot of sense.

My favourite part was the cold sore analogy. Where you keep using the cream to try to heal the cold sore and the cold sore just keeps grow all over your face. So one day you find out that the cause of the cold sore is actually the cream you are using. all you need to to do to heal yourself from this horrific situation is stop using the cream. If you stop using the cream, in a relatively short period of time you will be healed for the rest of your life. You'd stop using the cream right?

That's the reality for us too.
All we need to do to cure ourselves from this lifelong disease is stop using p

I know what you mean about not wanting to sing about "the answer " to PA.. I think we all know there's no magic bullet,  but I would also highly recommend anyone here to read it

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #155 on: April 16, 2017, 04:13:49 PM »
I've been a going a good long time without PMOing. I don't count the days anymore. Maybe it's +90 days. After a lot of work and reading, the final piece of the puzzle was the hackbook (http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=11997.0) based on Allen Carr’s popular quit smoking method. A big part of that is realise PMO is simply brain-poison and to vow you won't PMO again. When you get weak and think, 'maybe I could,' that creates a tug of war in your brain, then urges begin... then it's hell trying not to PMO, or it's the hell of PMO'ing. So it's been weeks of feeling eerily fine. I've not been on the forum much, and I don't think about PMOing or sex or nofap much. I'm able to think about other things, but I know it's all there in the dark recesses of my mind, so I stay focused on life, healthy habits, love and work (knowing the longer the distance between me and PMO, the more my brain rewires). Just read these two lines from another thread and they fit me perfectly:

The reboot and nofap kind of liberated me from this oversized, omnipresent monster which controlled my mind for so long.

After 3 months I stopped my journal and I stopped counting days and stuff. I started to focus on life instead on the reboot. It helped me to normalize the reboot.


Anyway, problem is, the wife is going away for a couple of days and leaving me home alone. I work at home which means I only work if I choose to. The stupid thought entered my mind - you could relapse. Just letting that thought back in starts the tug of war and suddenly I feel sick and nervous. I managed to talk back to that tempted voice - relapsing means all that bad shit that goes with unzipping your fly and going into a pixel trance. just wanted to get back on the forum for these difficult days coming up. healthy habits! healthy life! a life free from being a wanker!

David Albert

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #156 on: April 17, 2017, 07:01:57 AM »
Hey there, I think you have captured the essence of all this process so well, I admire you  :)

I, myself, am in a similar place to yours and I hope we continue on this road of living our lives in a healthy manner and not feel like we are in recovery forever. Being able to get out of recovery is just as important, if not more important, than the recovery itself.

Great work, keep it up !  :D

P.S. so much power and wake up call in this sentence : "a life free from being a wanker!"
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 07:03:36 AM by David Albert »
"Learn to hate porn. You will never destroy an enemy you embrace."

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #157 on: April 20, 2017, 12:12:14 AM »
Cheers David! That means a lot coming from someone with such an inspiring thread. I got through the time alone will ample opportunity and that feels great.


Grass has grown over the addictive pathways and though I was worried, the thought of P didn’t even do much for me. I guess I've rewired the brain and the brain it accepts the truth now that P is poison. I won’t get complacent – this is the trickiest enemy. But damn i'm happy about this progress.

blackdragonsdg

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #158 on: April 22, 2017, 10:29:06 AM »
After 3 months I stopped my journal and I stopped counting days and stuff. I started to focus on life instead on the reboot. It helped me to normalize the reboot.

That just makes so much sense. Normalizing the reboot by just living life. That is truly inspirational. Thanks for posting that Gazz.

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #159 on: April 27, 2017, 11:26:03 AM »
Cheers mate,

It's a strange feeling, having drowned the beast somewhat. I can walk around and don't want to undress every woman I see. It feels weird and like I'm missing something. I'm getting older too, and it feels sad to be letting go of an immature part of me. But this is the natural way. Normally people let go of being a horny teenager in their youth. P makes us guys in our 30s no different to a horny teen. It's strange to realise we should grow out being so sexually obsessed, but the dark place that P has taken us to means we must do our best to drown the beast with months of conscious sobriety, and accept becoming an adult and getting older! Anyway, getting older is realising life is deeper than physical sensations and shallow kicks, it's about appreciating deeper, more important things.

32

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #160 on: April 30, 2017, 10:44:38 AM »
Hi Gazz,

I've read some of your most recent posts and just wanted to say it's inspiring. well done!

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #161 on: May 05, 2017, 11:29:45 AM »
Cheers mate!

sadly I've relapsed and am 'back in the forum' so to speak. I had a long run of sobriety where urges weren't so strong and I felt like i'd rewired my brain because I KNEW THE TRUTH - that PMO'ing makes you feel worse than you did before.

I don't know what the trigger was, except that maybe my guard wasn't up enough. I 'decided' I wanted to relapse and just did it. you know how when you want to relapse - you keep your brain quiet because you don't want to hear any rational arguments?

Of course now I feel like crap - emotionally, physically... I feel like a hopeless addict in chains ('is this another year of my life that PMOing is gonna screw up??')

But I know that talk doesn't help. got to see the progress I've made, to keep on fighting, and start again I guess. I thought all the sobriety would mean I could turn things around immediately. but I relapsed the next day, and the next... guess that's why they call it an addiction cycle.

So here I am, calling today Day 0. I'm going to look at my discipline, my routine, and myself, and try to get one day clean, then 5, then hope to feel like I'm back in the game

harpoon

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #162 on: May 05, 2017, 12:37:42 PM »
Hi Gazz, your an inspiration to many a rebooter, your encouraging words have kept myself on the reboot path quite a few times.

Get that first day behind you m8  ;)

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #163 on: May 08, 2017, 07:46:33 AM »
Thanks so much mate, i'm almost there  :D

...Half a day in the bag!

Who knows how long we will be susceptible to this. If it’s a lifetime, I’ll remain vigilant for a lifetime.

I’m ‘enjoying’ a lot of nofap YouTube vids (and reading on the forum of course) -  loads of ppl going through the same thing with loads of good advice. I've been guilty of 'binging' on this stuff in the past. We have to have a Marathon mentality (a term I picked up from a good nofap vid). I used to participate on this forum so much at one sitting, and I used to watch loads of nofap vids and make notes about stuff I had to remember. But we won’t always feel that intense about how important nofap is to us. We have to be consistent and think about nofap every day. I just watched another good vid about how going onto a forum helped someone with their urges; their tricky brain was saying, 'just one time is ok', they were nearly convinced - but they managed to remind themselves what this nofap journey is all about. These are tools and resources which are always there. We don’t need to ‘binge’ on them. Gradually take in this information while we’re on the journey.

Apologies I kept saying ‘we’ on this post, I guess I meant ‘I’ ,but I feel a sense of ‘we’ whenever I’m on the forum – we’re all in  this together after all! Have a great, sober day every one

Web100

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #164 on: May 08, 2017, 08:31:58 AM »


Despite only having a half day in the bag, you are in a good place. You have already done an enormous amount of work during your recent re-boot. Far greater than most people succeed in a lifetime. Let's face it, the end goal here is to re-wire our brains that have become dependant on PMO.

I'm no expert but I would imagine despite your recent blip, your brain is well on it's way to being re-wired.. you just have to start clocking up those "clean" days again just like before!

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #165 on: May 09, 2017, 08:32:48 AM »
Thanks Mr Webb! The relapse - which went on for a few days! ...was demoralizing - It's like you come up with a new method... and it lasts a period, and you end up back at square one.

But... 1 day in the bag!! :)

And I'm surprised how good I feel. I thought it would take longer to get out of the hole. i'm focused; I rationally and emotionally don't want PMO; But I'm going to be disciplined and take each day as it comes, focused and willing to do whatever it takes to make a streak that lasts forever.

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #166 on: May 10, 2017, 03:47:16 PM »
2 days in the bag  :)

something that feels great and is working really well for me is the DUAL APPROACH! It's nothing new or clever, … but it’s one of those things that takes time to really understand. It’s like when you first turn up on this forum and hear people say, 'Don't think about not watching porn!' You don't get it, because not thinking is what makes you end up in a cycle of bad habits. But you learn and fail and eventually these things make more sense.

So... the DUAL FOCUS APPROACH!

Focus 1 - not PMO'ing, letting bad moods pass, letting sexual thoughts pass, exercise, getting outside, avoiding triggers
Focus 2 - improving your life and finding meaning (because as so many say - 'P is not the problem' )

For 3 months I was doing pretty well with just Focus 1. But I couldn't get going with Focus 2. Sure, I was trying, and I wanted a better life and more meaning, but I couldn't find the heart to put the effort in every day. perhaps Focus 1 saps a lot of energy from us, and gives us withdrawals - who knows

I've been reading self development, trying to get my freelance career going, trying to be consistent with routines, motivation and morning rituals... it's been a gradual process, but in the last couple of days I was really feeling it. It took me a while to get here. I think it’s a process. When we try to change our lives/ relationships/ careers/ create meaning in the aftermath of PA, it’s going to be really hard. Our reward circuitry is damaged, our love and empathy is damaged, we’re basically… brain damaged.

I'm hopeful now I can focus on this DUAL approach, now I've experienced a bit of brain healing… I’m pretty excited about life. got to focus on this stuff every day - seems like a way out of this prison 

Web100

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #167 on: May 12, 2017, 01:17:39 AM »

I really like the sound of the dual approach. I think we are all getting the hang of focus 1 as we go. But focus 2 is key, and too often ignored.

I guess in a way it's all interconnected. I mean if we manage to knock the PMO on the head, Then our minds are free to think about normal things and have a renewed focus on life (instead of wondering when we might be able to sculk off and binge). A clear mind and plenty of extra time should present an opportunity to better ourselves and find meaning in our lives.

gazz

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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #168 on: May 12, 2017, 04:13:31 AM »
Thanks Web!

Exactly. Sadly I often see people arguing on this forum about whether just doing Approach 1 or just Approach 2 is the key. the 2 are very interrelated.

P is an addiction and it's messed up our circuitry. You may have an amazing life, but you may have fallen into this addiction without knowing how difficult the consequences would be, so making your life even more great won't change the fact that you have an addiction, and when you try to stop you will get withdrawals, and NOT PMO'ing is a huge goal and very hard to achieve. Healthy routines, good habits, tools, information, will power, discipline... are needed for this.

The other Approach is just as important. I've seen many forums posts say - 'I've done 90 days - now what?' Life is short. Work out what you want in this life and live your life with gratitude, ambition and other good stuff; and this may be just as hard as Approach 1

more clean days in the bag  ;D
« Last Edit: May 12, 2017, 04:43:15 AM by gazz »

Firstbigstep

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    Rebooting my life, not looking back.
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Re: Committing to Reboot
« Reply #169 on: May 13, 2017, 10:31:14 AM »
Gazz,

You've been there for me in the past - I've been off the forum for a bit for a number of reasons. I struggle at times to maintain any kind of positive outlook and the past few weeks have been particularly challenging for no particular reason.

You've acted as a great sounding board and inspiration for me and no doubt for many others here. I've lapsed in a minor way and dragged myself back on track a couple of times. if there's any way I can help you - feel free to ask.

Well done on reassuming the position!

I'm here to help and be helped, support and be supported.