Hello, my name is Jose, and I believe to be a P addict as well as suffering from PIED.
I have been consuming P since my teens, and haven't really stopped until a month or so. I have never been good at meeting new people and don't really have the ability to do small talk. In my life I have not had many GFs, mainly because I believe they percieve me as awkward and/or desperate. So I just relied on PMO to relief myself.
This is now bringing major problems to the relationship with my GF, with whom I have been living since 3 years now. Since the pandemic hit, we have been spending more time at the apartment, and that may have exacerbated all the problems. Around June, she caught me masturbating in the morning and got really upset. Since then, it has been getting worse. She knows my laptop password since I don't want to keep any secrets from her. I shared it with her before all of this happened. Most times than not, we have been having trouble in the sex department, ED to be more precise. I have tried going to urologists, doing excercise, etc. There were some improvements, but there was still trouble. I came from work one night in August and she was upset again. When I asked her why, she told me she had gone into my laptop and found the P collection I had in it. Since we had that talk, I deleted all of the P folder and stopped doing "suspicious" things like taking too long in the bathroom. I stopped searching for P on the internet as well, and she pointed me in the direction of YBOP, and reading through the site, I came to know this place.
We were good for the rest of the month, until this past weekend. She had to go out of town for a couple of days for work and I had a relapse, I downloaded some videos and watched them, afterwards I deleted them.
Today, I was doing some audio tests on the laptop and asked for her help, she sat on my desk and helped me out on the laptop while I was checking the audio on the phone. When we were done, she went right to the bedroom, and when I went to chat with her, I saw something was wrong. In that brief moment she was helping me out, she saw the history of opened files windows 10 keeps, and there were the videos' titles.
I feel so ashamed, because I let her down, and it's not the first time. She has been so undestanding and, generally, great with me and my problems, but I believe her patience and understanding might be at an end. I love her like I haven't loved anyone and I don't want to lose her. As of right now, she doesn't want to speak to me.
I thought I could do this on my own, but apparently I'm not that strong. I want to get better, I really want to.
I will be recording my progress here, and hope to get some feedback from this community, as well as keep on learning and improving.
Thank you for reading up to here, I really don't know who I can talk to, but it feels better to put all of this in words.
I have been consuming P since my teens, and haven't really stopped until a month or so. I have never been good at meeting new people and don't really have the ability to do small talk. In my life I have not had many GFs, mainly because I believe they percieve me as awkward and/or desperate. So I just relied on PMO to relief myself.
This is now bringing major problems to the relationship with my GF, with whom I have been living since 3 years now. Since the pandemic hit, we have been spending more time at the apartment, and that may have exacerbated all the problems. Around June, she caught me masturbating in the morning and got really upset. Since then, it has been getting worse. She knows my laptop password since I don't want to keep any secrets from her. I shared it with her before all of this happened. Most times than not, we have been having trouble in the sex department, ED to be more precise. I have tried going to urologists, doing excercise, etc. There were some improvements, but there was still trouble. I came from work one night in August and she was upset again. When I asked her why, she told me she had gone into my laptop and found the P collection I had in it. Since we had that talk, I deleted all of the P folder and stopped doing "suspicious" things like taking too long in the bathroom. I stopped searching for P on the internet as well, and she pointed me in the direction of YBOP, and reading through the site, I came to know this place.
We were good for the rest of the month, until this past weekend. She had to go out of town for a couple of days for work and I had a relapse, I downloaded some videos and watched them, afterwards I deleted them.
Today, I was doing some audio tests on the laptop and asked for her help, she sat on my desk and helped me out on the laptop while I was checking the audio on the phone. When we were done, she went right to the bedroom, and when I went to chat with her, I saw something was wrong. In that brief moment she was helping me out, she saw the history of opened files windows 10 keeps, and there were the videos' titles.
I feel so ashamed, because I let her down, and it's not the first time. She has been so undestanding and, generally, great with me and my problems, but I believe her patience and understanding might be at an end. I love her like I haven't loved anyone and I don't want to lose her. As of right now, she doesn't want to speak to me.
I thought I could do this on my own, but apparently I'm not that strong. I want to get better, I really want to.
I will be recording my progress here, and hope to get some feedback from this community, as well as keep on learning and improving.
Thank you for reading up to here, I really don't know who I can talk to, but it feels better to put all of this in words.
