rockyreboots
New Member
Hey everyone!
So I've been using NoFap so far for my reboot, but it's been really really painful recently and I decided to switch over to Reboot Nation to try to get more support. I'm 19, and first started watching porn when I was 13, escalating over time. I started doing worse in school, having less friends, using the porn to deal with stress. In grade 11 I got a minor concussion and had to stay away from screens for 6 months, as doctors didn't know why I kept having anxiety. Looking back I realize it was probably because I was rebooting.
However in grade 12 I got back on porn gradually. I started doing badly in school again, skipping class, etc. I just barely finished the year, and at that point my parents had started to force me to do therapy because they couldn't figure out why I was beginning to be such a mess. At the end of the summer when I was start engineering at university I couldn't keep up with the workload despite my hardest attempts, so I was forced to drop out and return home for the term. That's when I fell into depression - the 0 energy, suicidal thoughts, and just overall feeling horrible. I refused to take anti-depressants so I took a natural alternative called 5-htp. The next term I went back in for a half-courseload term in computer science, but even that turned out to be too much work. I thought I had been burned out and couldn't work anymore, but turns out I just couldn't seem to get back my drive and optimism and energy no matter work. Nonetheless I made some good friends and things were ok.
In the summer, however, I injured my knee. This meant I couldn't workout anymore de-stress. That's when I started back more heavily into porn, having been on and off since the beginning of grade 12, and totally off for the first term of uni (although I was watching a little in January again). I started escalating, and soon enough all my problems began to return. I started feeling weak in the gym and my old body anxiety came back. I started having Porn-Induced Premature Ejaculation with my girlfriend, which freaked me out, so I started trying to have more sex with her hoping it would feel good again. It didn't really.
This year I've spent at home, still on 5-htp, as I'm too exhausted to do much without it, and not very productive. Then I discovered the book Your Brain on Porn and it gave me enough hope to quite cold turkey. That was in October, by which time my porn use had escalated again. I've seen 0 porn for 170 days, having a masturbation relapse at day 110 when I got really energetic and horny for a couple days, which was probably the start of the end of the flatline. The masturbation plunged me back into the flatline, along with a sex club I went to two weeks before that by accident with some friends.
And here I am now. I have a therapist, but he doesn't believe that I have porn problems. He thinks I just have plain anxiety. I can't get him to understand how serious porn addiction is, how long and painful it was for me. I'm starting to lose hope. I haven't relapsed, but I have become very lethargic and have extreme body anxiety for the past couple weeks. I've been eating crappier, sleeping crappier, and watching a lot of comedy tv shows to take my mind off the pain.
What do you guys think? I really need some support, I can't figure out what my next steps should be.
So I've been using NoFap so far for my reboot, but it's been really really painful recently and I decided to switch over to Reboot Nation to try to get more support. I'm 19, and first started watching porn when I was 13, escalating over time. I started doing worse in school, having less friends, using the porn to deal with stress. In grade 11 I got a minor concussion and had to stay away from screens for 6 months, as doctors didn't know why I kept having anxiety. Looking back I realize it was probably because I was rebooting.
However in grade 12 I got back on porn gradually. I started doing badly in school again, skipping class, etc. I just barely finished the year, and at that point my parents had started to force me to do therapy because they couldn't figure out why I was beginning to be such a mess. At the end of the summer when I was start engineering at university I couldn't keep up with the workload despite my hardest attempts, so I was forced to drop out and return home for the term. That's when I fell into depression - the 0 energy, suicidal thoughts, and just overall feeling horrible. I refused to take anti-depressants so I took a natural alternative called 5-htp. The next term I went back in for a half-courseload term in computer science, but even that turned out to be too much work. I thought I had been burned out and couldn't work anymore, but turns out I just couldn't seem to get back my drive and optimism and energy no matter work. Nonetheless I made some good friends and things were ok.
In the summer, however, I injured my knee. This meant I couldn't workout anymore de-stress. That's when I started back more heavily into porn, having been on and off since the beginning of grade 12, and totally off for the first term of uni (although I was watching a little in January again). I started escalating, and soon enough all my problems began to return. I started feeling weak in the gym and my old body anxiety came back. I started having Porn-Induced Premature Ejaculation with my girlfriend, which freaked me out, so I started trying to have more sex with her hoping it would feel good again. It didn't really.
This year I've spent at home, still on 5-htp, as I'm too exhausted to do much without it, and not very productive. Then I discovered the book Your Brain on Porn and it gave me enough hope to quite cold turkey. That was in October, by which time my porn use had escalated again. I've seen 0 porn for 170 days, having a masturbation relapse at day 110 when I got really energetic and horny for a couple days, which was probably the start of the end of the flatline. The masturbation plunged me back into the flatline, along with a sex club I went to two weeks before that by accident with some friends.
And here I am now. I have a therapist, but he doesn't believe that I have porn problems. He thinks I just have plain anxiety. I can't get him to understand how serious porn addiction is, how long and painful it was for me. I'm starting to lose hope. I haven't relapsed, but I have become very lethargic and have extreme body anxiety for the past couple weeks. I've been eating crappier, sleeping crappier, and watching a lot of comedy tv shows to take my mind off the pain.
What do you guys think? I really need some support, I can't figure out what my next steps should be.