17 years. Completing tasks from recoverynation.

This is my recovery thread.

Lesson 1.

First of all I really need to change my impulsive behaviors, so I commit myself to change and I accept the fact that guilt or shame shall not allow me to sabotage my commitment to change. Also I'm going to spend as much time as needed for this serious change.

Reasons why I quitting fap(10-15):
[list type=decimal]
[*]Fap affects my main skill - drawing and animating(skill reduces and its obvious for me)
[*]Less confidence in my art skills
[*]Less concentration
[*]Lowered emotional/physical energy level
[*]Lazy potato
[*]Indifference
[*]inability to work for long-term goals
[*]Risen ability to justify stuff mentioned above
[*]disparity of never-ending dependence ring
[*]irascibility with younger sister/brother
[*]Lost orientation on the way of creating better version of myself
[/list]

The mood is high enough to do my exam preparation stuff and recovery tasks. Yesterday I had a pollution and I felt a bit less self-control, so I was drawing and watching some useless shit, and was unable to complete second lesson from recoverynation. But now I'm here and ready to do it.

It's been two days since you wrote that you are about to start doing recovery tasks and i still see no posts. What happened to you, fellow?

*Second lesson is incompleted. I'll post it on this week*

I relapsed today . It was like a month of abstention. At last ~10 days my confidence in my skills was at the high level, and my mood was at the mid-high level. And now I have lost my stability. Its easy to realize it AFTER the relapse, but its my mistake that I didn't pay much attention to my recovery process. It was unbelievable for me to lose this 25$bet but this is not a point. Now I undertake weekly posting. If i didn't complete task from recoverynation, I would post detailed report about my amotional and phisical state.

Lesson 2. Creating vision of my life.

Now I will write my values (I still forming them so they are sketchy). I considered each of them deeply before laying out here, so I can rely on these values in further shaping myself. These values will reflect my life view and help me gain self-confidence and more thoughtful decisions (No unhealthy impulsive behaviour any more).

Here we go. Commitment to art first. My incentive circuit have to be set to drawing and painting in any form. It?s really important for me to improve faster in this occupation. Much of my attention and concentration have to be aimed at creative vision. And I would like to make money from my art skills (later about money).

Next are friends and relatives. Friendship is magic thus I must cherish my friends and help them when they need help. Communication with friends is important for my healthy psychical state.

Knowledge and experience also very important for my development. I must value them higher then comfort and not avoid them. Travelling, communication with people from different environments, learning new languages and so on.

God. My god is in my head. Maybe its just a part of my head helping me to live easier life. I have my own god but I need it as a good friend. All life periods of my consciousness life without believe in god were horrible. Yes, sure! I was in doubts until this moment. But now I?m sure that I have to believe in my god. Its pretty friendly and always helps me.

Financial independence. What does it mean? Later I will write a lot about it. Now I can only say that I need as much money at the beginning of my hard way as needed for good improvement capable with healthy lifestyle.  8) 8) 8)

Hi there. I'm sorry you relapsed, but that's cool that you have found will to start over just after your relapse.

Knowledge and experience also very important for my development. I must value them higher then comfort and not avoid them. Travelling, communication with people from different environments, learning new languages and so on.

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Actually, I think that in the long term you will feel much better if you travel, communicate with different people, read books etc. anyway. It is for your comfort afterall. If you don't do that it harms your development and psychical condition.

My god is in my head. But now I?m sure that I have to believe in my god. Its pretty friendly and always helps me.

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Could you please tell me more about god in your head? Is it some voice or, might be, it is some essence in you mind? Can you communicate with him? What way does he help you to get your life happier and easier? If he is a friend, he helps you to overcome hard times and depressions (if you have ones), doesn't he?

Now I can only say that I need as much money at the beginning of my hard way as needed for good improvement capable with healthy lifestyle.

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What resources and skills do you have to start to earn your living by drowing? How much time and efforts will it take for you to get some, which lacks?

To make money I have to became as good at some point as possible. For example drawing bikes or birds. Finding audience is important too but as for me it goes after getting skill

You told that you underestimated the importance of weekly posting.  Nine days have passed, and now you come back and write three short sentences. Answer all my questions detailed way, would you?
You also need to complite task from recovery nation and write a report about your emotional and physical state, if you don't want to relapse again.

Shame on you!

This is crazy. I relapsed twice today. A lot of nervous events happened this week and I didn't pay much commitment to this thread. To write qualitative post I need more energy and time, so I cant write it while I'm in subway. The exams are really close and I have to prepare properly and spend all my energy for them. Now weekly posting is too expensive for me.
The problem is that my nofap consciousness weaken as I avoid posting here and not reminding reasons of nofap and so on. Maybe its worth writing some short state comments in my native language(Russian) until my exams past. Then I'll continue the exercises and posting in normal regime.
As nofap consciousness lessen Its fairly easy to relapse. Blame on me, nothing else to say.
You won, Fragrant Tea! I wanna try agen

Now my self control is much better. I feel good, but things are not ok. I have dozens of tasks and i don't even know how to manage them. Slowly and accurately maybe....  ??? ???

How ya doin'?

I relapsed too, baibe  8). But now I have much more time to set up my daily diary posting about my abstinence and recovery tasks