Very well said. There are plenty of things we can do. None of them may be big, but small things add up.
Be "that guy" who shuts down offensive talk among other guys. Jokes about rape, "did you see the $*#& on her?" talk, "I'd like to see her $*$&" talk, everything that gets shrugged off as "locker room talk"... No need to be a social justice warrior, just be the adult in the room. I'm a fan of the play dumb/change the subject tactic. "She was pretty hot", "she seemed like a really nice person, didn't she?", or "I'd like to see #*$%*&", "she had a kid with her. I bet she's a great mom." It gets the point across.
Be available for women and for their safety. Be the safe ride home. Be the guy at the office that doesn't leer. Be the third person in a room when the creepy guy follows her. Be a friend that values them for something other than body parts.
Make apologies as necessary. I haven't made apologies to everyone, but to just a couple where I felt it was both needed and productive. Obviously writing to someone from years ago who has since married and had children is not likely the smartest move, but there may be times when you can say "I'm sorry I talked you into taking pictures of yourself" or something else. That apology can be like offering someone their dignity back.
Set the example that our masculinity is enhanced by proper dignity for women, not by the abuse of women.
Each one of us has a whole life ahead of us to fight the good fight. Each day will bring an opportunity. Think of all the young men that you can set an example for, and show that treating women with dignity is manly. Think of all the women you can engage with that can discover a good guy who isn't just after something gross. These small acts, done with confidence, can have a profound impact.
If I remember right, Rich, you're on track to be a teacher in the sciences. There will be so many opportunities for you! Teaching young people of course, watching their interactions... surely you'll end up walking in on a conversation about porn amongst a couple guys. You don't need to tell them your past, just give them the elevator pitch. My mind spins when I think what would have happened if one of my high school teachers mentioned that! And as you mentioned in another thread, treatment of women across the whole field is a big deal. The young women you can encourage along the way (and maybe gently prepare them for what is to come) will always be there. In the meantime, maybe you're the only lab mate available for a talented young woman that won't try to get in her undies. That could be the difference between her dropping out and heading to a post-graduate program.
Thanks for starting this discussion. I love these topics... sometimes I feel like I am hijacking the whole reboot discussion when I mention this, but at other times I feel like it is the whole point of rebooting, and that the only way out of porn is through understanding the awfulness that it is.