Its been a while

rebooted to 150 days
Through that time... i left my wife for someone i just met who was caring for our newborn child. I had an emotional affair for 1 year and then decided to leave.

Im now alone. Ive ended my new relationship. Im now alone, resorting to masterbation and talking with women on fetish sites.

I did so well but i messed up. I still cant figure out what i want. To be with my wife and kid and believe it can be better or to be alone and see what happens. My relationship wasnt perfect but it wasnt that bad either. I just couldnt handle having a kid and i was already planning on leaving when we became pregnant. But now that im here now that i have a babg boy i just cant handle being alone.

Where do i begin again guys. Its been a fucking struggle and i dont want to keep being this person anymore.

Hi GZ.  You ask "where do I begin?"  It seems to me that the emphasis needs to be on your precious son, and how you can make significant and meaningful positive contributions in his life.  Not only is it your calling but it can and will be your joy and crowning achievement as well.  Focus on this important blessing you have been given and the other stuff will fall into place accordingly.