Chesstastrophe
New Member
Hey everyone,
I have started this journey many many times over the course of the past couple years. I have had many different usernames, and have had many failures. Every time I start this journey, I tell myself I am at the breaking point or that I have reached rock bottom with this. Well my friends, I am telling myself once again, this is the last time.
My story is the same as many of you. Age 12...unbridled access to the internet. My entire social life from age 12-17 was essentially online. So naturally my sexuality was developed in the same way. I never had any sexual interactions with actual people online, but porn was my one man journey through sexual exploration. Little did I know at that time that it would shape who I am today in the most negative and destructive ways in regards to relationships.
Fast forward...19 years...porn has still been a detrimental part of my life. It is getting to the point where I do not feel sexual pleasure with a partner and only visual stimuli get me off. This is causing a very deep hurtful divide between myself and the woman I love with everything that I am.
Recently we had a discussion regarding the distance my sexual dysfunction has put between us. Sparing details suffice it to say that this relationship is crumbling and slipping through my fingers all because of my lack of self control not just in aspects of my proclivity towards pornography as a substitute for actual sexual gratification but other aspects of my life as well.
It has taken me a while to realize who I am is not who I want to be. It has taken me even longer still to realize that I do indeed have the power to change it but have never grasped it. So here I am on my mission once again and this time failure is not an option.
I have started heavily obsessing over self discipline, self improvement, and mastering self control. I do not claim to know anything, but I know I need to try something and experiment. I am on day 6 currently of nofap. My goal is...well my goal is to never do it again. Some find setting short term goals works. I have always wasted energy counting days...I find it to be a distraction...if you hyper focus on that too much you end up waiting rather than acting...I digress...day 6 of...forever.
I have started changing other aspects of my life to keep myself accountable. For example, I am a drinker. I love beer, I love good beer, I pay way too much money for good beer. But It is just as much of a vice to me as porn....in fact they go hand in hand. I often found that to cure a hangover I often turned to porn to feel that dopamine rush to feel a little better.
I have started intermittent fasting which I am also on the 6th day of. Now I know this is kind of a fad goin around with all these health goths and meat heads...but there is a lot of scientific information surrounding fasting. I find that this helps me stay disciplined and focused. It also helps with losing weight and let me tell you. I have not felt as good as I have this week since I was a teenager. I believe this practice of fasting for overall health will yield great results.
I am going to keep a journal here. I may not lost everyday. But I enjoy tracking progress and offering encouragement to others as well. Thanks for hearing me out.
I have started this journey many many times over the course of the past couple years. I have had many different usernames, and have had many failures. Every time I start this journey, I tell myself I am at the breaking point or that I have reached rock bottom with this. Well my friends, I am telling myself once again, this is the last time.
My story is the same as many of you. Age 12...unbridled access to the internet. My entire social life from age 12-17 was essentially online. So naturally my sexuality was developed in the same way. I never had any sexual interactions with actual people online, but porn was my one man journey through sexual exploration. Little did I know at that time that it would shape who I am today in the most negative and destructive ways in regards to relationships.
Fast forward...19 years...porn has still been a detrimental part of my life. It is getting to the point where I do not feel sexual pleasure with a partner and only visual stimuli get me off. This is causing a very deep hurtful divide between myself and the woman I love with everything that I am.
Recently we had a discussion regarding the distance my sexual dysfunction has put between us. Sparing details suffice it to say that this relationship is crumbling and slipping through my fingers all because of my lack of self control not just in aspects of my proclivity towards pornography as a substitute for actual sexual gratification but other aspects of my life as well.
It has taken me a while to realize who I am is not who I want to be. It has taken me even longer still to realize that I do indeed have the power to change it but have never grasped it. So here I am on my mission once again and this time failure is not an option.
I have started heavily obsessing over self discipline, self improvement, and mastering self control. I do not claim to know anything, but I know I need to try something and experiment. I am on day 6 currently of nofap. My goal is...well my goal is to never do it again. Some find setting short term goals works. I have always wasted energy counting days...I find it to be a distraction...if you hyper focus on that too much you end up waiting rather than acting...I digress...day 6 of...forever.
I have started changing other aspects of my life to keep myself accountable. For example, I am a drinker. I love beer, I love good beer, I pay way too much money for good beer. But It is just as much of a vice to me as porn....in fact they go hand in hand. I often found that to cure a hangover I often turned to porn to feel that dopamine rush to feel a little better.
I have started intermittent fasting which I am also on the 6th day of. Now I know this is kind of a fad goin around with all these health goths and meat heads...but there is a lot of scientific information surrounding fasting. I find that this helps me stay disciplined and focused. It also helps with losing weight and let me tell you. I have not felt as good as I have this week since I was a teenager. I believe this practice of fasting for overall health will yield great results.
I am going to keep a journal here. I may not lost everyday. But I enjoy tracking progress and offering encouragement to others as well. Thanks for hearing me out.