Very Discouraged!!

Where do i start. I got started on porn back in the 70's when i worked in the grocery store. back then we had all the major mags under the counter. I would take huge chances to view them. then of course the advent of the internet made it so easy to view it. I've spent a lot of time watching porn. I've tried sooooo many times to quit but can't completely quit. Over the past several years i've cut down, dramatically, the porn i watch. probably 80% less. but when I've had a bad day or when my health (I have lots of health issues) become overwhelming i indulge. I have Porn induced ED some of the time. When I first saw the reboot nation video on Youtube I was very encouraged so much so that i was able to completely stop watching porn for 30 days. It was the most amazing 30 days i've had in decades. but then i "rewarded" myself and watched some. big mistake. I haven't been able to repeat those 30 days no matter what i do. I am a woodworker by hobby not profession so i do have an outlet unfortunately my health is bad so i have very little energy both physically and emotionally and most of the time i just am too tired to do anything but sit in front of the TV. To succeed at this reboot would be the most amazing thing that can happen to me personally. I can't believe I'm here at this site posting this stuff. I have a gorgeous wife but she has no libido at all and I try to not bug her to have sex. She's a great sport though but I would like to not be controlled by my sex drive that's driven by porn watching. we are both in our mid sixties. My sex drive is a curse!!! Ugh. Desperate to quit completely. the harder i try to quit it seems the harder it is to quit. Sometimes my urges to indulge are overwhelming.

Thanks for your post. I don't have much clean time but what I have learnt from my own porn use is that I will always be an addict until I stop using. View porn like a recovering alcoholic views a drink. One is too much and 100 is not enough. The only word my addiction understands is MORE.

I have got to around 90 days twice this year and felt the best I'd ever felt. So why did I start again? Because I thought like a typical addict who has managed to get a clean streak for a period of time...I won't go back to as bad as I was. One is too much and 100 is not enough.

Don't give up and keep posting.

camus said:

Thanks for your post. I don't have much clean time but what I have learnt from my own porn use is that I will always be an addict until I stop using. View porn like a recovering alcoholic views a drink. One is too much and 100 is not enough. The only word my addiction understands is MORE.

I have got to around 90 days twice this year and felt the best I'd ever felt. So why did I start again? Because I thought like a typical addict who has managed to get a clean streak for a period of time...I won't go back to as bad as I was. One is too much and 100 is not enough.

Don't give up and keep posting.

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Yeah, man, I understand how this works. You start missing something about the addiction. Maybe the self-medication, escape from reality, unplug, soothing type of thing. Or maybe the "fun days with it". Every addict has fun days with his drug of choice until he doesn't anymore. If someone asked me, I could talk about days when I had the fun of my life with PMO sessions. I noticed that the first thing that sneaks into my mind is: "I miss that fun. I miss the rush, the euphoria." But probably what I miss is the self-medication. I don't know. But, after many days away from porn (90 days is a significant number), usually the addicts reach that phase: "I stayed away from P for so long, I can handle it, I don't need to be that super strict." They let their guard down and this is how the addiction finds a weakness and tries to exploit it. Sometimes the relapse already starts in the mind days before it and we don't even know it.

Agree with you both. When staying clean is the #1 priority in my life, I find it quite easy to stay clean. As soon as it stops being the #1 priority in my life, I'm at risk. And it tends to be harder to keep that focus and discipline after a long streak of sobriety. I think we just have to keep winning the yes/no battle in the here and now. Just got to keep fighting, and never take success for granted. Good luck, guys. Stay strong!

Thank you all. i was just logging in to delete my account. but to my surprise I had replies to my post. Thank you so much for those encouraging words. They mean more than you'll know. or maybe you guys do.

my biggest problem is my thought life. I'm so preoccupied with sex and i've been doing it so long that it's where my thoughts naturally drift to. I'm a daydreamer and i've got a random mind. I'm working hard on my thought life. it's really really tough.

What a battle it is! I'm only on day two and I feel your pain. My wife may be your wife's sister in that my wife could go the rest of her life without sex. Due to my wife's disability, I am the primary caretaker. That in itself, adds emotional distance between us. Due to perfect timing this past week, I was able to share what I needed and what I wanted to be able to give to her. Hummm?.communication changes everything.

And as I read your post, I was reminded of a major event that has changed my life. My mile marker stands at 39 years since I was about to find myself with another guy. Due to a couple of things, I found myself needing to get awary from the person. Even though abuse and sexual encounters had been a part of my teenage years, it was something I felt I needed but also something I knew I needed to steer away from. So even though yours and my reboot my only been a short amount of time, there is hope. 39 years is a long time to stay away from something you want but also something you know is harmful to your existence.

Stay strong and keep reaching out to others!

Hang in there.  Learning mindfulness will help.  I'm not into Eastern Meditation, but I do think there is value in bringing your thoughts to focus on a single thing. Learning to calm the mind.  I wish you luck.

StrugglingDude said:

my biggest problem is my thought life. I'm so preoccupied with sex and i've been doing it so long that it's where my thoughts naturally drift to. I'm a daydreamer and i've got a random mind. I'm working hard on my thought life. it's really really tough.

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daydreamers of the world... unite! Inability to concentrate and focus... preoccupation with sex on your mind... almost constant motivation to fantasise. That's my history.... my ongoing fight. Sounds like yours is similar. Wouldn't be surprised if lots of the other guys on here are similarly distracted, obsessed and absent. McFly already mentioned "mindfulness". I found it worth working on as a way to reduce my preoccupation and stop my mind wandering to fantasy. Finding a way to stay in the moment might be worth looking at? I also found that I was a natural "scanner" and my eyes / mind were constantly alert to any visual cue that could trigger me. When I stopped scanning my environment, kept my head down, stopped objectifying.... that really helped too.

Just my thoughts... no more worthy than anybody else's, and you are welcome to completely ignore them. But they're things that have helped me become a lot less preoccupied, absent and daydreaming. Good luck, man. Keep up the fight!