What is the relationship between BDSM and porn?

From my understanding, at the time when there is no fast internet porn, some of guys has developed that sexual taste due to their childhood experiences and extreme parenting. If I am that type of guy, quit porn might not be the ultimate answer for rebooting to the natural sex? Am I right?

I remember when I was a kid, I had some weird thoughts about controlling, dominating and destroying. I didn?t have access to porn at that time. When I went to college, I frequently used escalated porn to fill my holes( I guess i didn?t feel disgusting at the first time I watched those porn.

Now I am 31 years old, married, I ?ve been absent from PMO for 45days, no fantasy at all, in a deep flatline in daytime, but I experienced 3 wet dreams all related BDSM in the night. I think I can easily quit porn. But for me,I still have doubts on rewiring to the natural sex by just quitting porn, should I see psychiatrist  for reversing my BDSM mind? Lots of people think that BDSM is not a type of mental sickness, is that wrong? It really matters a lot to me who really want to experience natural sex with my wife.

I'm no expert in the matter of porn addictions and BDSM.  I will say, though, that fetishes and the likes have been around since humans have been having sex.  As long as your fetishes are yours, that is natural ( to use your words), and not influenced by porn and your partners are not coerced, then go for it.

The discovery process is amazing and can be quite liberating.  My interests in light dom play and shibari stem from accepting the gift of my partner's trust and from my own discovery of my desire for power.  I used to be a serial cheater because I loved the idea of the pain and terror of my partner and the pain and terror of the partners of my cheating cohorts.  I turned to porn so I wouldn't cheat (WHOOOPS!!).  With a little work with my therapist on the hows and whys of the issue, I advanced to less self-destructive behavior and moved towards the artsy world of shibari.

Basically, if its yours, do it.  If it is not yours, don't do it.  It seems like it is yours.  Eschew the destroying.

I don't think there will be any easy answers, but maybe a few guiding points so you can eventually answer it yourself.

The fact that your flashbacks/dreams related to your fetish is, in and of itself, indicative of nothing, in my opinion.  My own experience is that once we're hooked on porn, the deepest hooks in our flesh are the fetish ones.  It seems entirely consistent with many reboot stories that the fetish stuff will be what lights up the porn addiction pathways the most.  They will be your strongest triggers for a while yet.

Some fetishes pre-date porn, some are manufactured through repeated porn experiences.  The only way to tell which is which is to reboot and see what happens.  Porn based fetishes will mostly, if not entirely, fade away.  But, the pre-existing ones don't stay full force.  You've been feeding the fetish beast consistently for a long time, so once it is starved it very well may go dormant.  The way I see it, in the days before porn, a guy might be pre-disposed to all sorts of fetishes but would never know it because he is never encouraged to "explore" it.  If a guy is predisposed to like large butts and ends up only being able to be aroused by women with cartoonishly large butts that rarely if ever exist in real life, then his "normal" state might still enjoy that particular feature when realistic, but will not rely on it for arousal.

Some fetishes are almost definitely made by porn, but BDSM seems like it could be either.  As you mentioned, I too have heard stories about early life experiences either of abuse or bizarre dynamics in family relationships that makes for a rather potent emotional button.  A good therapist might help with this if it is a concern.  Only you will know at this point if any of that seems like it might be fruitful.  If you're more just curious, then I'd say just keep up with your reboot and see what happens.  Having a predilection may or may not be natural, but it definitely isn't natural for it to be an obstacle to having real sexual relations with your wife, as at that point it is officially a dysfunction, in the truest sense of the term: you aren't functioning sexually the way you should be.

If you seek out a therapist, it might be helpful to find one that helps with porn addiction.  There are, unfortunately, many therapists out there that think porn is helpful, and I could see the wrong therapist saying the problem is that your wife isn't playing along or whatever.  I've heard some horror stories on here...

45 days man. for some fetishes and stuff like that, you may not be even 50% rebooted. 90 days is absolute minimum so just remember that and focus on other stuff. focus on 99% other stuff that are not sexual and leave that 1% part of life for later analysis. I know people easily take a year to get rid off their HOCD. That is porn induced "fetish" or whatever you wanna call it. PIEDs also can take a year. Full reboot can easily take over a year. Yes people feel better or they can even feel great but that is relative to how they used to feel few months ago, it can still take another year to actually reboot completely. 90 days is absolute minimum so dont dare to go into any sexual questions before at least minimum system requirements are met which are pretty much that, minimum. You could get confused or draw wrong conclusion after 45 days. I know for myself, around 45 days (of nofap)  is when my reboot actually begins

"why is patience a virtue? why "hurry the fuck up" is not a virtue?"  ;D ;D ;D