Relapse and destroyed second chance

I have tried to kick this and I keep going back.  I am destroying everything that should mean something.  How can someone get over this?  I am past redemption and probably out the door because I am hurting everyone who should come first.  Can anyone help?  What the hell is wrong with me?  I know it is wrong yet I find ways to deny it and just looking.  I am a poor excuse for a parent and partner to the only person in tge world that truly has ever cared for me.  Now she is disgusted by me. 

Thousand of men are going through the same thing man so try not to beat yourself up.  However i understand,  I myself am walking a very thin line with ruining everything I have and which means so much.  Personally i get very upset that men are subject to such an powerful  temptation and we are constantly subjected to sexual images whether it is on the computer or walking through a mall.  Just this morning i was innocently reading the news and bikini advertisements are popping up on the page.    I'm like wtf go away please!!!

I do not know how to get over this.  But this is a good place to start, tons of resources and everyone on here is going through the same thing in some aspect.  Honesty and education might be a good place to start for your situation and potentially counseling if she is willing, might help repair things.  I am considering counseling for porn addiction. 

tfc_42 said:

Thousand of men are going through the same thing man so try not to beat yourself up.  However i understand,  I myself am walking a very thin line with ruining everything I have and which means so much.  Personally i get very upset that men are subject to such an powerful  temptation and we are constantly subjected to sexual images whether it is on the computer or walking through a mall.  Just this morning i was innocently reading the news and bikini advertisements are popping up on the page.    I'm like wtf go away please!!!

I do not know how to get over this.  But this is a good place to start, tons of resources and everyone on here is going through the same thing in some aspect.  Honesty and education might be a good place to start for your situation and potentially counseling if she is willing, might help repair things.  I am considering counseling for porn addiction.

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Being here has been a great help definitely for me, even though I'm still at the beginning. It's like I finally came out and I don't hide anymore the fact that I am a porn addict, because I haven't told anyone in person. It's a very difficult addiction, more difficult than it seems when you start the recovery attempt. I told myself: "Come on, man, this is not heroin, I will start tomorrow and I am going to be done with it in a few months." It's been years and I am still not done with it, which shows how difficult it is. Part of it because there are so many triggers everywhere and the hardest part for me: The porn stored in my brain that doesn't leave me alone. Pictures, flashbacks, porn-induced fantasies that I've created over the years... They pop up and torture me. I am constantly stimulated by those plus shit I see everywhere I look these days. How the fuck is one supposed to escape this? I'm still asking myself this question. I haven't managed to make good progress lately. Barely 10 days or so, sometimes not even reaching 10 days before relapse. The thing is, if I see something, okay I could look away and get rid of it but it gets stored in my memory and then it comes back to haunt me.

I hope this post will help ?

Firstly, don't beat yourself up.  High speed Internet has brought with it a whole load of problems.  Mainstream media, social media ... and the porn industry are all continuously seeking for our attention, so that they can prey on our vulnerabilities, until we succumb to their persistence.  A click on a rogue link will be for their gain, regardless of the personal cost to us.

We have all fallen for their scrupulous methods.

Secondly, and most importantly, you're in the right place.  There is a lot of information on here to help overcome the addiction.

I joined this forum / support group sometime ago, way back, but didn't participate in any discussions, thinking instead that I could overcome the issues on my own, and all my problems would go away.  I soon realised that I couldn't, but gained reassurance that I wasn't the only one struggling.

I definitely recommend starting a journal.  There is a post at the top of each board that gives guidance.

It helped me to do some "soul searching" to understand how I got into the mess I did, and what were my triggers. I was then able to "plan" to avoid being in the situation when I was most vulnerable.

I did "fail" quite a few times.  It's hard at first, and I had to keep reminding myself why I had to overcome porn addiction.

I wish that I had found out about this forum / support group earlier, and had the courage to  face up to the situation I was in sooner.

Good Luck.  Be strong. Be positive... And don't give in.

tough one, don't give up...take it one day at a time.

Lostmyfamily said:

  What the hell is wrong with me?  I know it is wrong yet I find ways to deny it and just looking.  I am a poor excuse for a parent and partner to the only person in tge world that truly has ever cared for me.

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What the hell is wrong with you is that you are human.  Questions like, "What kind of man does this," followed by statements like, "I am a poor excuse..." can be replaced with answers like, "A human does this..." and "I am just a human..."  We are all a little bent (that is why we are here) and none of are so bent that we are broken.  Diffuse the bad thoughts and carry on knowing that no one is perfect and thank your thoughts, negative or otherwise, as a transient part of life.

Look around you.  You have everything you need to move forward.

I stumbled across this forum having similarly ripped to shreds every good relationship with intimate partners and surrendered a late chance with my family.  I am glad to be here as its a good step. I am glad you are here, too!

figster said:

What the hell is wrong with you is that you are human.  Questions like, "What kind of man does this," followed by statements like, "I am a poor excuse..." can be replaced with answers like, "A human does this..." and "I am just a human..."  We are all a little bent (that is why we are here) and none of are so bent that we are broken.  Diffuse the bad thoughts and carry on knowing that no one is perfect and thank your thoughts, negative or otherwise, as a transient part of life.

Look around you.  You have everything you need to move forward.

I stumbled across this forum having similarly ripped to shreds every good relationship with intimate partners and surrendered a late chance with my family.  I am glad to be here as its a good step. I am glad you are here, too!

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Definitely. Every man is susceptible to problems with porn because it's so easily accessible in this day and age. Show me a man who's never looked at porn. Some become addicts, some don't, I don't know how this works and what makes some people more prone to this. Take my example: I was introduced to porn and hand masturbation by my a year older cousin. We used to do the same things and talk about it. I've become a porn addict and he didn't.

Now, the tendency to despair is understandable. I did this a lot in the beginning. When your addiction has impacts on your life, of course it's tough. And okay, maybe it's your right to do this in the beginning but then you have to look at it more realistically. It happened and we can't go back in time to stop ourselves from becoming addicts. We need to do what we have to do to escape it. A winner is just a loser who tried one more time. 

Getting a therapist or joining a group like SLAA are probably the most effective ways to beat it.

It will also show that you are willing to change your habits and make sacrifices. Maybe it can give you another chance?