My recovery. PIED and lack of motiviation

Hello guys,
I'm 19 years old from Germany, I started masturbating and watching porn at around 11/12. I've always been a very open and active guy, until puberty hit me and i got a lot of pimples and my self confidence fell to zero. I discovered NoFap and the science behind it on 13.02.2017 and it really shocks me.. If I would've heard earlier about this, I'd probably have started with this way earlier. I always felt like masturbating isn't good for me, but without any explanation behind it, I didnt feel like its worth giving it up. Nothing gave me the power to really stay strong and stop doing it. But now I think I understood the problem and I have so much motivation to keep doing this and better my life. Since I hit puberty I was always playing a lot of computer games and pretty much lived for school, playing computer games and drinking alcohol on the weekends. I don't really have power or motivation to do anything, thats not 100% pleasuring. But since I finished school last year and I'm now heading towards my time at university where things start to get more serious I'm trying to change my way of life to a more productive Lifestyle, because I wan't to be succesful in life and love.
matching to the Valentines Day I'm starting my NoFap Challenge at the 14.02.2017. I had some NoFap experiences before:
2 weeks at holiday last year, where i wanted to prove myself, that i dont need this. I've had never heard of the science behind NoFap behind this until the 13.02.2017 though.
3 weeks before I was together with my Exgirlfriend 2 years ago. But I started fapping before we got really close in bed, so these 3 weeks didn't help me from experiencing my (probably) Porn induced ED. Numerous times I told myself: Ok, don't fap for the next 3 days and stuff like that, but most of the time it didn't work.
The only reason, why I don't think my ED is 100% porn caused is, because my exgirlfriend was quite a dumb and mean bitch.. At first I didn't see it as a problem, that I didn't get a boner, when we layed in bed and kissed, but she handled it reeeally unprofessional and said stuff like: My exboyfriend always got a boner if we kissed and stuff like that. With the pressure of having to get an erection it got even worse and i got no erection, because then I was also pressured to get an erection. Of course the relationship ended soon after, because for her sex was really important and nothing helped. Since then I'm really struggling to get close with girls, I'm scared to get intimate with girls, because I'm scared that this would happen again.
I looked into the internet for help when this occured, but I sadly didn't find NoFap... I only found some guy, who said it's just being not confident enough and so I lived in a lie, where i thought: theoretically I can get with a girl and I will get hard, but Practically I was too scared, because I felt the doubt in myself, that I can't do it.
Another problem which i discovered is that my view of girls or women is really damaged. It's been years, that I could really say, that I was in love with a girl, it was more like: I want to lay this girl... And always if I meet new girls, I ask myself: Could we maybe get together? but not in a loving way, the feeling would be a way to get sexuel active with her.
So the 3 things im trying to better with my NoFap Journey are:
Fixing my PIED
Getting more active and motivated to live a productive life.
Regaining a normal view of woman.

I'm planning on 90 days of NoFap, quitting porn forever of course. But I'll have to see how it goes, eventually stop masturbating for ever, or minimize it. The goal is to get a girlfriend in autumn and just practice sex and not masturbating.I hope I can find people here, which I can talk with about problems that will occur. I've also convinced 2 friends to do the same journey, but they will probably do only a month.

Puh, I hope some of you fight through this and are willing to read my story :)


edit: I forgot something: Most of the time  I jerked off probably 1-2 times a day and most of the time with porn. I've had some times, where i convinved myself of fapping without porn, but I can't think of the reason right now. But what I realized is, that really many of my thoughts are going into sex and that I don't have any, while others have, and that I'm not able to do so. My biggest wish has been for years to get a girlfriend, but I'm not doing anything for it.
 
Hey NoFapValentine,

I read your post and it sounds like we're in pretty much the same situation. I'm aiming the the 90 Days No PMO too. :)
Good luck my friend

 
Yeah, we can be NoFap- buddies :D I'm not having any problems yet, but it goes soooo slow, I've spend the last days searching for NoFap stuff on the Internet and if I then realize, that I'm only on day 3, it's really.... sobering.

 
It's still quite easy, because im really in this and I dont think there is another way than doing NoFap.
Day 5 now and I had a really weird dream. I watched porn and fapped to it and even came in my dream and then thought i relapsed... Was really weird, because It wasn't a wet dream ( no orgasm) , but still reaally weird.
But what does this mean?
 
It's funny you say this actually, I had a similar dream too recently. It's just you brain attempting to get it's dopamine fix anyway it can. You subconscious doesn't really participate in trying to break addictions and your abstinence from porn has forced it to find another way. As far as I'm aware it would only count as a relapse if you consciously make a decision to watch porn or fap, I wouldn't worry too much about it dreams are weird and theres no way around that.

If it keeps happening you could always try to teach yourself to 'lucid dream' which is basically the ability to control what you dream about. Have a look at http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/how-to-have-your-first-lucid-dream.html if you're interested.

Congrats on day 5 though :)   
 
OK :D yeah i know its not a relapse, but in the dream itself i thought i relapsed^^ but yeah dreams are like the weirdest thing on earth . canterbury, I'll private message you if you are interested in some weird dreamstuff


evrything's still going well, I had no time to even think of masturbating this weekend.
 
I'm not having any bigger urges, just again a dream where i had an orgasm, but with a girl not by watching porn or smth. not a wet dream. The first week was rougher, but now the first step is done, i think. Now its just my will to complete this, and its as high as it could be. Even tho im at home since a week beacuse im sick, I wasnt even close to masturbate yet.

just a quick update, even though there is nothing to say
 
Now that i thought of it, i might have my first flatline :D I didnt have any libido or erection since a few days. Only time was at night when i randomly woke up. Cant judge the motivation thing with the flatline, because i dont have anything to do anyways^^. So i kinda like it, because days pass by without the nofap being hard to handle.
 
Yeah thats the upside to flatlining. Personally, i hate it, it's scary not being able to get a hard on and you never know when you might need one.
 
So since I didnt post anything the last few days:
NoFap is still going, i dont really have big urges, but I am not that happy, because I have some general problems with my gym plan and stuff like that, and I'm not in my homecountry for 6 more weeks, and this discontent is making me doubt NoFap aswell, because i dont think I will get close with a girl anytime soon, and I'm reaally getting thirsty :D
 
What do you guys think about: thinking of sexual stuff or dreaming about sexual stuff? Im on day 17 or Smth and i didnt have a wet dream yet, but i had some sexual dreams and today when i woke up, i tried to sleep again to be in the sexual dream again haha. I was also hard, but im not sure if that counts as morning wood^^
Is stuff like this allowed or is it bad for my reboot?
 
Exactly 3 weeks in i got my first wet dream. Im kinda dissapointed, because ive been dreaming a lot lately, and my wet dream wasnt a sex dream, it was a random dream and suddenly i had an orgasm. Not so nice. I felt really dirty and bad ( i woke up from it)
The good side: I think i got my first real morning wood this morning, but im not 100% sure if it counts, because i woke up a few times too early, but when i woke up and stayed awake i had morning wood :)
That kinda gives confidence, didnt have that in a while


Edit: Okaaay, I'm kinda confused. I slept naked last night, so I couldnt check in my pants if I really had a wet dream, then when i came home now, I couldnt find a sign of my ejaculation. Does anyone know if the ejaculation on a wet dream is really small? I only found one small part on my blanket, which was some sort of dirty, but not anywhere near like with a normal ejaculation. And it wasnt that hard like it should be if it dryed out. And when i woke up from the 'wet dream' I thought it was really much and sticky and b???h. :D But now I can't find anything.
And before I went to sleep, I spend lots of thoughts about wet dreams and that i kinda want to have one and it has been 3 weeks since my last orgasm already, so this might have led to my brain thinking I'm having a wet dream. I don't know if I had a wet dream now or not, I just don't know anything :D

So if anyone can help me with the question, if a wet dream encludes a full ejaculation, that would be great.
 
S

Stowe2010

Guest
That's great you've made it three weeks in and as for the wet dream I really couldn't tell ya. I would just assume I had a wet dream and move on, I have been told that throughout this process we are likely to have many. Also be aware that you might have increased craving due to your wet dream so be on guard. Either don't overthink the wet dream and drive our elf crazy :). Good job on three weeks bro!
 
Yeah I'm having some craving, but nothing near to relapsing. Now im just kinda pissed, because I really want a gf since my cravings are kinda hard and PMO is no option anymore. The bad thing is, that I'm in another country for 5 more weeks and there is no girl I could think of getting close with right now. I think the rewiring process is really important for me and will be harder than just stopping Porn/Masturbation. The last 2 Years it has not been easy for me to get contact to girls, so I will have to work on this when im back home.

Today I went jogging and there were 2 girls shooting photos in underwear at the river (don't ask me why lol) and in my mind I went crazy, because she was pretty damn hot, but my little friend didn't move/feel a single bit. Maybe it was because i was doing sports, but still... Also I can't remember having erections in normal life, while seeing a hot girl or a nice booty before, literally never. And I learned from today, that didn't change yet. I only learned from this site, that this is typical or normal..

I'm having some back pain aswell, caused by a nerve that got stuck I think, and can't work out this week due to not wanting to make it worse, which means I have a lot of free time. That suuucks because I fall in bad habits again like wasting a lot of time on youtube/pc. And I play arround with my little friend, 0% erected, just moving him. I don't know if this really bad, but I feel like I should not do it. And he is barely reacting to it. I'm not feeling aroused by it, it's just something I do because im bored I think. And I can't get myself up to do something productive like playing Piano...

So my mood is not too good right now, but im looking forward to working out again. Might be a flatline, but not completely, I got some soft erections earlier this day. I just hope the days fly by until everything gets better :D

peace
 
S

Stowe2010

Guest
Sorry to hear about your back injury preventing you from working out man. That's tough when exercise is a big outlet for you (it is for me as well). I've been ther too when you want a gf to fool around with but give it time man. I think you gotta get through the first month or two befor you start rewiring and quiting p is a great firt step getting a gf just be patient. As for walking my the girls taking photos I am not sure what to say about that, it's a tough situation that would drive anyone crazy lol. Just remember that cravings can suck but they do eventually go away and the more you do not act on them, the easier it will get. Also I would stay away from playing with your pecker as this could lead to using. When motivation is at an all time low to do things like play the piano just get up and do it, don't even think about it. Walk to the piano and start playing and next thing you know you will be rocking out. You got this!
 
It's ok, I did a workout today, it was good :) First time Calisthenics Workout, was pretty nice. Yeah i would work out every day if it would be possible/ good for the gainz :D Yeah, I feel like if I force it too much to get a gf I wont get one any time soon^^. yyes, i will stop it, just have to get my lazy ass up. thank you :)

Not having the best of a week, I just learned, that a friend died, not too close, but we meet last week and wanted to start working out together today.. That wont happen now lol. I am not completely fucked up by it, but it's kinda taking control of my head for now. Hope the weekend with snowboarding will clean my head again and it will be better next week.
 
I had a great weekend and am up to normal again. Hitting the 4 weeks mark tomorrow, but I don't feel like it is a challenge not get to 90 days, it's more an introduction to the field of NoFap.

My Uncle, who i live with told me that I look more relaxed since a few weeks, so this is def. a confidence booster.

Sometimes it's hard to keep my head away from fantasizing, but they never last long.

edit: have to mention, before i started NoFap was really numb. When there was a place under the foreskin which was sensitive, it was because i masturbated too hard lol. But now the whole part below my foreskin is sensitive right now, I didnt even know it was supposed to be like that. And even my glans is more sensitive now. It's nice to see some physical improvement aswell :D
 
S

Stowe2010

Guest
Glad to hear everything's going well man and keep up with the confidence!
 
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