What time is it? The time is now. My Reboot Journal.

I am in my late twenties and I grew up with internet pornography. I knew it was bad for me... I mean, I was always silently embarrassed about how much I jerked off and I would never want anyone to know about my tastes in pornography. So, all through junior high, high school, and college, my sex life was virtually non-existent. You guys have all experienced that awkwardness. I was extremely nervous around girls because of all of this. But here I am now, and I am doing better than I ever have been in my life in many respects. But it's crunch time.

In the past year I have quit smoking cold turkey. I have gotten back into running, and I put in about 10 miles a week. I have also added in weightlifting now for the past month and a half, and I have no intentions of giving that up. I have built up fitness as a positive habit in my life, and now I am trying to improve my nutrition so I can actually shed pounds. I also was courageous enough to make a bold change in my life last year by leaving my six figure job and returning to school so I could focus on improving my health, both mental and physical. Spirituality is also a big part of who I am, though I do not subscribe to any prevailing denominations of any religions. I don't fit well into neat little boxes like that.

I also have a strong sense of vocation, and a purpose for being here in this world. I am a man on a mission, but I realize I'm still covered in mud and crawling on my belly through the battlefield.


Gabe suggested answering these questions, so here goes.
    Did I use porn today? yes
    What were my triggers? stress from not completing my paper for school on time today.
    How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I could have done more.I am having a tough time remembering anything I tried
    What am I grateful for today? I am so grateful for friends who believe in me and encourage me
    Day counter! Started NoFap on Feb 18th. Relapsed 10 days later on the 28th. Restarted, and relapsed again today. So, my day counter is at ZERO.

So that's it for now. I look forward to checking in as much as possible to update here, to encourage and learn from others and to receive encouragement and advice. One tip I have right off the bat is a great book I read that helped me quit smoking. It's called "The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It".

*edit was for a small typo right after I posted. Whoops.

Cheer up buddy, I think that the 2 most important things to do now is firstly not to give up and secondly to look back at the steps and reasons that led you to reset while trying to find something that will help you to control it the next time.
"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing" Sir Winston Churchill

cd3b333 said:

I'm also not going to beat around the bush about something:  I'm disappointed at the very limited interaction I have been able to garner here on the forums with other members. I am an adult man, so I am typically too proud to even go as far as I just did by saying that I am frustrated hardly anyone here is interacting with me and chiming in on my journal or even really replying to various things I say on other peoples' journals. But, as a saving grace to my pride, I will keep this from being overly emo.  I will be logical about it by asking this question: How can I be a better forum member so as to fully reap the rewards of this support network? With my understanding of it, it's pretty simple: write a journal thread, and comment on others'. I don't seek a one-to-one response ratio, and I guess maybe the first thing I can do is remind myself of that. But I am really putting myself out here which is very difficult for me, and so to not even get any acknowledgement makes me think that this is doing me more harm than good. Plus at the same time, I have very limited experience on internet message boards, so for all i know I could be breaking social codes left and right and I wouldn't have a clue.

Click to expand...

I think a lot of us are dealing with your problem. It is completely normal and I find that everyone is seeking appreciation for something. In my first journal I was always looking for feedback, but at some point I had to ask myself "Do I want to be a writer, or reboot?!"

I decided to go with a second journal as in a diary. I write down my experiences and expect no work in return. Sometimes, someone may find my diary and comment on various sections. That's it At this point, I feel that a lot of my questions were already answered by myself, but I was just too scared, lazy or just anxious to discuss them. You have to challenge your ego!

Thanks for sharing your experience and trusting this community with your personal matters.

I think you have taken the right step in realizing that you need to figure out, what is really wrong with you. From personal experience, I can only reinforce that rebooting requires so much self-awareness, concentration and strength that your psychological state will give you the opportunity to self-reflect on a very high level.

In December I began this second reboot, while being on vacation. It took me approximatley five days to figure out where I am right now and where I want to go in the next years. Perhaps, you should do the same. Take some days off and use your weak emotional state to self-reflect and set new goals!

Plainly giving your gf the ticket to this forum may not have been the smartest move. On a level of trust, I find that it is an amazing act of revelation, but without any info on the topic, some of the experiences you'll find here may seem repulsive. Have you given thought to sitting down together and watching some of the ybop videos? They offer a very clear stand on what porn does to your brain.