Just turned 40 so now I'm here.....

Hi everyone. I've just turned 40 so I've moved into this forum

For anyone interested my story and attempt at recovery is here

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=17415.0

I'm looking forward to hearing from you all and hopefully helping some of you while getting some help myself.
I'm 5 days in and no urges. I've been here before but I had major urges by day 5. I've had strong mw. I'm hoping it's a positive sign. I first had access to the internet at 20 before that i didn't really know much about it. I used to use magazines and videos if i could get my hands on them but it wasn't very often. I'm hoping all this means I will reboot fast. Why?? Because I'm really sick of running away from beautiful women because of this and because I'm sick of being alone. I have good friends and family but as well all know they are not around 24/7 and minds can wander.
I'm eating healthy and I've got into much better shape through exercise. i'm meditating when I can .

Please drop me a message here . I'd love to get to know some of you .

Welcome to the club, Matt. You re in the right place with the right people.

I think we all sort of hope for a fast reboot, but the reality is that it can take a little time and a lot of focus on your part. Your brain didn't gt rewired overnight and it won't undo overnight either.

The best advice I got was to get rid of anything that triggered PMO behavior for me, count the days of no PMO, and write in this journal what I was thinking as often as I could. It worked. It helped me keep focus on the journey, not the destination (which I reached in stages). I started to get morning woods soon enough and could stay hard long enough to have intercourse within a few months. It took several more months to have sex without any anxiety about PIED, and just focus on my partner's pleasure. Today, nearly three years later, it is all history. You can read my story at http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=11134.0

I still come back here from time to time because it is part of the cure. I reset my counter a few times, but I have gotten it to a point that was only a fantasy 3 years ago.

Stick with the program. it works.

-jj
1086 days no PMO

Thanks jj. I appreciate it. Great to hear a success story. I'll have a good read of your journal. The gym and fitness is keeping me a bit better focused on this attempt. Yeah I don't mind a couple of months but I'm just really exhausted and sick of being alone. It's miserable and I know from experience that until this problem is gone I can't have a relationship because sex is very much what women expect early on. Yes some women will understand but I find that failure could bring on some anxiety with future performance so I'd prefer to a stain for now. If i got the opportunity and felt I could I would but I'm not going to put myself in that situation yet.

mattdes

I know it isn't a surrogate for having an intimate partner in your life, but one thing that has been making a noticeable improvement in my life is just spending more time around people.

That includes reaching out to friends more often just to hang out and do whatever; it doesn't really matter so much as long as I am in their company, reinforcing my connections with them, and just learning more about where they are with their own lives. I know as an adult though that there are limits on how many times we can meet with friends, what with our different lifestyles, schedules, jobs, families, etc. So what has been helpful for me is opening up some time every day to be outside. I usually do this by going for a walk (pretty structured, twice a day for about 20 minutes each), but you could ride a bike, spend time at the library, a cafe, in the park, or doing something unique or different than what you usually do, like going to the museum, a hike, a concert, parade, festival, etc. It might seem forced or ineffective at times, but I think by making a habit of it, you'll notice over time that you do feel a bit better overall. We don't necessarily have to even talk to other people, but just being around others can have a positive effect. It has on me.

I know the pain of loneliness however, and it can be hard to deal with at times. So I feel for you there. But we can introduce changes to our lives that help with the pain. Don't let your addicted brain try to convince you that porn is the antidote. It's a losing choice every time.

Take care