Farmer1016 said:
Like for example even if I was on a normal non-sexual talk/appearance or non-nude Skype video Session (just a simple chat between two buddies) with a friend however, he instantly gives me an arousal for a while, but what if I don't act on it or dwell on it? Is this still considered a relapse? Or just treading on dangerous water as long as I have the willpower to not act on masturbation afterwards or during the session? Or even fantasize afterwards?
I don't know how I should feel about giving up a simple Skype friendship if he arouses me. But if I don't act on it and don't dwell on masturbating afterwards, it shouldn't count as a relapse?
My first inclination is to tell you to avoid all forms of external stimulation whether it be video, images, stories, or any other porn substitute which would tend to give you sexual arousal while you're rebooting. If you're getting arousal and stimulation from watching this person on a screen then I'm inclined to call that a relapse in your recovery. With that being said, I have some questions that may help expand the discussion a bit.
Is this a person you know in real life or will know in real life at some point? Or is he just someone that you Skype with and that's the extent of present and likely future contact? Is the sexual interest shared by him as well or do you know?
If you don't know this person in real life and aren't likely to meet him at some point in the future, I'm not sure how watching him on a screen and getting aroused is any different than a porn participant other than lack of nudity.
No it's not someone I know in real life but it's perhaps someone I may know in real life at some point. They do not live too far from me. Far enough where I would need to drive on my own. i don't drive right now. The sexual interest isn't shared with him, I believe. But I could be wrong, because he does compliment me. He has a boyfriend now. He liked me at one point. He did invite me to be with him and friends at a game night one night as friends, however. I don't plan on rewiring with this person, unless out of some very unfortunate circumstance (or fortunate for me) he breaks up with his boyfriend.
I want to try and get over my sexual feelings for him at this time during the reboot. He does message me sometimes and even that can get me aroused at times. I don't act on it after though. It just arouses me, makes me have a small semi-erection for a while with pre-cum, and then it seems to be able to go away. I don't know if it's that even possible for me to get over him? Unless I start being more pro-active in my own personal life? Will that help subside most of the feelings? The feelings have started to subside, I think. They do seem to be kind of still there in a miniscule fashion.
He even knows about my porn-induced erectile dysfunction issue, that's how much I trust him.
I haven't told him he arouses me and that it may affect our friendship and I really don't know how to handle this. I like the guy a little too much, but we also are friends and I don't know how to handle this kind of thing. If I can somehow manage to get through this, I'm home free for a reboot.
This is really difficult for me because I really don't want to have to sacrifice a friendship over a reboot which can take who knows how long. It also doesn't help that I don't have
any gay friends and he's one I would consider one.
Is having an arousing semi-erection with pre-cum for an hour without acting on it or even a rare few times if someone messages me on say Facebook really a violation and complete relapse of the reboot process while even just talking to someone who doesn't strip nude? We rarely chat on Skype.
I know that you're only trying to help, so I expect not to like what you may respond with. And I respect that. But this is just arousal with a screen and hearing him. So it could be considered porn. Hmm. Would it just slow down the reboot or would it really be a complete relapse?
I feel like I can't get better, no matter what I do...god damnit.
If anything above all else, this is my biggest hurdle of my reboot. And I really just don't know what to do. And we don't talk everyday.
The question I'd like to ask myself is why do I get so hyper-aroused? I'm diagnosed bipolar so that could be it.
It's the thought of him and the visual stimulus. My mind doesn't wander.
I try Facebook and just a simple message he sends can arouse me. It wasn't like this before at one point. We have tried Audio only and I was still aroused. No differences at all.
I don't know what the fuck to do. I feel utterly hopeless here. :-(
I don't even masturbate to him! It's just being aroused. Is being aroused to a screen really a relapse?
I wonder if I seriously should go to Noah Church for this one. This is...difficult.