Still struggling - two years down the line

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Booter2015

Member
Hi All,

Just thought I'd post to get some support really.  I've been porn free, with no relapse for 2 years now - I'm 41 years old and like everyone here suffered with porn addiction through out my adult life.

The first reboot I went under was before I was aware of this forum and community - I basically had porn addiction so bad that in the end once the severity of the physical symptoms kicked in I lost interest in porn  which made me withdraw naturally.  It took 3 months for my sex drive to return and for me to physically return to normal.

This first time I just put it down to depression and not to porn use.  So when it struck again back in October 2014, I was surprised because I wasn't unhappy in my life, I started my research, found this place and immediately took steps to recover.  Fully realising that the reason I was in this position was completely of my own doing.

Here we are, just over two years now into my reboot - so the positives are:

1) Since I quit two years ago, I have not looked back at all - I have not relapsed once.
2) My morning wood returned a couple of months ago.
3) I am capable of full sex,

The negatives are

1) I still have no sex drive, I don't desire porn or the real thing. 
2) Body's reactions are still slower than I'd like to arousal when my partner stimulates me.

During my reboot, I didn't masturbate (hard mode) and found on the odd occasion I did orgasm with my partner, I slumped hugely back into the flat line that was like being emotionally gutted from the inside out.

This slumping seems to have gone away now, but I still have no sexual desire - I love my partner more than anyone I have ever loved before and I just wish that the one thing that makes me feel like a man would return.  I just don't feel human, without my sex drive.

I keep telling myself that I am getting better, but the rate of my recovery (2 years) has been in pigeon steps.  It's truly awful.

Thanks All
 
pearland71

pearland71

Active Member
You and I are in the EXACT same boat.. I'm going on two years no MO/PMO at all. Zero libido. I still fell indifferent on every aspect of my life but I can have sex. I do have morning wood. I think it's just just plain 'ole depression at his point.....All caused by porn.
 
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grego

Member
Been trying to recover for 2 and a half years, and I'm getting minimal improvements.  I feel your pain.  Especially the part about feeling like less of a man.  From your post you seem to be making way more progress than I am though.  Keep fighting, we don't have any other choice. 
 
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pikeCounty

Member
I feel the exact same way, and it has been two and a half years that I have been suffering with this...although it only dawned on me that i might be porn related about 4 months ago, so I am close to 4 months PMO free hard mode.

The only symptom I seem to have is zero libido. Its like I woke up one day and like you said, not even porn interested me.

I feel like you said... you just don't feel like a man without a sex drive. For me it is a total lack of drive in all areas, so I just like to be alone most of the time occupying myself with different activities.

 
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Booter2015

Member
Hi All,

Thanks for your replies.

I go to the gym usually at least 3-4 times a week.  I play video games now and then.  I like to play with my dog and go for walks.

I actually have quite a full life and I don't have any other addictions, I don't do anything to excess at all - I don't spend my time being too down about this, but every now and then I think - 'Jesus, it's still not over!' and on the most recent time I thought this, it brought me back to the forum to just talk to you all.

I've forgotten what it's like to be horny and needing sex - I'd love to be hungry for it again.

The first time I rebooted successfully, I went to bed one day feeling like sh** and woke up the next day 'normal' again and find myself thinking 'maybe tomorrow will be the day'
 
Excalibur

Excalibur

Member
We have to consider and accept that ADDICTION is a mental disease typified on DSM IV for mental disorders. We have crashed our brains. We will like P the rest of our life. The thing is to be occupied with another things and drive to rewire pathways. I've been 1 year free of all, P, alcohol, sexual relationships, M and so on... I was doing a drug addiction program very strict. It worked for me for P, but I have also Bipolar Disorder, so It is for me so complicated to control my impulses. But I remembered that after 1 year I recovered total my libido. I was with flatline and like you said guys, without no libido at all, long long time. It depends of the person and how long you have be consuming P. I can say that recover is possible. Do not hesiate to keep trying: Sometimes say that is scary or difficult is just an excuse to drive us to the thing we like most.
 
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Booter2015

Member
Thanks for your reply.

I think what gets me down is the fact I have corrected my behaviour and I'm rock solid in my determination to never return to Porn.  And I guess I deserve to be punished with complete shut down of my body and sex drive for two years, but ......TWO YEARS!!!... is very harsh on me.  Ok, I did wrong, I get it - I don't do it anymore please ease up and let me feel normal again.
 
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pikeCounty

Member
Hey Booter... have you had your testosterone level checked? That is another culprit for loss of libido. If you haven't recently had your level tested you must to make sure.
 
raylangivens

raylangivens

Member
It might be an idiot question, but have you being trying to have sex with your partner?

I wasn't an porn addicted, my thing was PIED, but whats happens to me usually is few or no libido (neither porn or real person) when I am alone and when I am with the partner the libido starts. (of course, not all the time yet)
 
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pikeCounty

Member
raylangivens said:
It might be an idiot question, but have you being trying to have sex with your partner?

I wasn't an porn addicted, my thing was PIED, but whats happens to me usually is few or no libido (neither porn or real person) when I am alone and when I am with the partner the libido starts. (of course, not all the time yet)
Click to expand...

Hey Raylan,

That is interesting what you say.... your libido only kicks in when you are with a partner. Please tell me though, when you are home alone with no libido what makes you want to make plans with your partner in the first place?

For me, I go back and forth wondering if I should try to date girls now or wait until I feel libido again. But the problem I have with trying to date them now is that with no libido I have no real desire to go out to dinner or go for drinks, etc
 
Excalibur

Excalibur

Member
pikeCounty said:
For me, I go back and forth wondering if I should try to date girls now or wait until I feel libido again. But the problem I have with trying to date them now is that with no libido I have no real desire to go out to dinner or go for drinks, etc
Click to expand...

Be careful dating with many girls, this can triggers to go for more and drives to watch P compulsively. That happens to me on online dating sites. If you have been long time rebooting you can O with a girl and when you go home you need more, and then you go to your computer to watch P. Be very very careful. We do not forget that before to porn addicts we are sex addicts as well.
 
raylangivens

raylangivens

Member
pikeCounty said:
raylangivens said:
It might be an idiot question, but have you being trying to have sex with your partner?

I wasn't an porn addicted, my thing was PIED, but whats happens to me usually is few or no libido (neither porn or real person) when I am alone and when I am with the partner the libido starts. (of course, not all the time yet)
Click to expand...

Hey Raylan,

That is interesting what you say.... your libido only kicks in when you are with a partner. Please tell me though, when you are home alone with no libido what makes you want to make plans with your partner in the first place?

For me, I go back and forth wondering if I should try to date girls now or wait until I feel libido again. But the problem I have with trying to date them now is that with no libido I have no real desire to go out to dinner or go for drinks, etc
Click to expand...

In the first months I was rebooting, I didn't have the desire eighter. But with time, going out with girls, I restarted to have it. Now, I have the desire beacuse despite of the zero libido when I am alone, I know that probably when I be with a woman I will have the libido and then I will have sex.

It's like I going to a italian food restaurant if you don't like italian food. But you know when you go there and look at the food will have the desire for it.

You guys should try, at least!
 
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Booter2015

Member
My Testosterone was checked and found to be ok (I did this when I was in denial phase about my porn use).

For me, as I was saying I don't have any urges for sex or porn with just one exception:

If my partner touches me (and it takes a few minutes or so before my body responds) I get a surge of blood to my penis, I get hard - my confidence rockets and I'm off and away and I can have successful sex.

But each time is the same, I don't have any urges and I find without urges my confidence is low as I don't know if it's 'going to work' when she touches me.

It's hard to articulate because in the two years of my reboot I've forgotten for the large part what it's like to feel horny, the reason I got into Porn in the first place was because of the need to have sex to satiate my desires and in absence of a girlfriend this was the only thing available.

As a healthy man, I feel I should be the one that initiates sex with my partner in the main but 100%, every time at the moment, she has to come to me - that's just not right is it?

I love her and I love sex, why isn't my body telling me to go and get hold of her!  It doesn't even tell me to masturbate!
 
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pikeCounty

Member
Booter2015 said:
My Testosterone was checked and found to be ok (I did this when I was in denial phase about my porn use).

For me, as I was saying I don't have any urges for sex or porn with just one exception:

If my partner touches me (and it takes a few minutes or so before my body responds) I get a surge of blood to my penis, I get hard - my confidence rockets and I'm off and away and I can have successful sex.

It's hard to articulate because in the two years of my reboot I've forgotten for the large part what it's like to feel horny,
Click to expand...

Hey Booter...

Have you had your T levels checked recently? If it was when you were in porn denial that sounds like it may have been a couple of years ago. If I was you I would get it checked right now to see where it is and ask your Doctor what he thinks about why you have no libido.

I am surprised that you have a partner and are still having sex with her, even if she has to initiate it. I guess each person's 'no libido' experience might be different.. but for me, I haven't even been able to date anyone because I don't even feel like being with a girl...its like I dont feel any excitement about anything, so I don't get the pleasure even of sharing someone's company over dinner, I would rather stay home alone. Pathetic, I know. But you can't force yourself to have a good time if you feel shitty.



 
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Fahrvegnugen

Member
Do you spend a lot of time with her? Intimate but non sexual contact? Cuddling just being together. That may help. I know a little of your issue as me and my wife work opposite shifts. Her days and me nights so there's little time spent in the same place together. Often during the week I have zero libido. However if she waits up for me all it takes is some kissing and light foreplay and he wakes up and I'm ready to go even if he wouldn't respond to the thought of it coming.
 
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Camouflage

Active Member
I have noticed that if I feel any pressure about performing I lose all interest. I need to feel that there is absolutely no demand for sex from my partner, then desire may rise naturally and I may in fact make the initiative. It's a certain kind of performance anxiety.
 
Excalibur

Excalibur

Member
pikeCounty said:
I guess each person's 'no libido' experience might be different.. but for me, I haven't even been able to date anyone because I don't even feel like being with a girl...its like I dont feel any excitement about anything, so I don't get the pleasure even of sharing someone's company over dinner, I would rather stay home alone. Pathetic, I know. But you can't force yourself to have a good time if you feel shitty.
Click to expand...

It is interesting what you say about that. This is consequence about rebooting. It happened to me last time when I was 1 year outside of P. I was doing a drug addict program even that I was not into drugs. I went cause was a cheap therapy to be out of all bad things included P. I remember that was like you said. I do not want to do anything. Life was grey with no sense. That's the withdrawal effects , remember that quitting form P we have to pass through many rollercoaster feelings. It depends of the person, but try to resist almost one year to recover completely. You will recover the libido unless you take medication for Bipolar Disorder like me.
Click to expand...
 
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Booter2015

Member
Hi Guys,

Let me add more details - sorry she's not just my girlfriend, she's my live-in life partner.

When we got together 2 years ago my problems had just started and I was covering it up by using viagra - I felt like the luckiest guy alive when she messaged me on the dating site asking me out!

Anyway, fast forward two months from when we met - I'm hiding my problems with PIED until the day she asked that fateful question ......"Do you like porn?" - I think at the time she was asking to understand if we should maybe watch it together.

In nutshell I rolled the dice and thought, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me - now's the time for honesty.  So I told her that I loved her but I had just started out on the road to recovery and that my performances thus far had all be fuelled by viagra and essentially I was suffering badly from lack of sex drive and PIED.  She'd never heard of it.

She was brilliant and told me she would stand by me and help me - I just had to tell her what the plan was.  I said well basically, from the material I'd read on here and other sites I had to quit sex completely and it could be 3 months before I recover, I shared Gabe's videos with her to help her understand as well.

We went a good few months having periods with and without sex with varying degrees of success, my flat line kept coming back time and time again it become a bit stressful so we agreed to go without  sex completely which lasted three months and as I reported above - my morning wood has started to return with erections most days.  Just waiting for my sex drive to return.

I'm wondering if the neuro plasticity thing is determined by age - yes, I'm seeing things getting back to normal but as above, for me this is taking a very long time.  We'll have been fighting this thing together two years in December.  Is it as bad as what it was back then?  No absolutely not.  Am I back to normal yet?  No.  BUT .....BUT .....I'm going in the right direction, sadly with pigeon steps though!

I guess rather pigeon steps than no steps or backwards steps - stay strong all!
 
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AntiPornMan

Member
hi guys just wondering if any of u have considered depression?depression for me has turned out to be the main cause of my low libido.after rebooting my erections are usually pretty good and almost no problems but when I'm depressed i have no sex drive and bad erections. Depression is so common i think a lot of people on here ought to look into it
 
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