lumosmaxima
Member
Hi guys, like promised in my thread in the ED section, I decided to share my experience that finally lead to normal sexual functioning.
Chapter 1: Self-Diagnosis
When after months of chasing I finally ended up naked with the girl of my dreams, I just could not believe my eyes. We were naked, horny and crazy, but for some - at that time unknown- reason my member would not bulge. I ascribed it to nervousness and we agreed to have another go in a couple of days. Naturally, I used my given time to go to google for help, typing my problem in a hundred of different ways hoping to find that one right answer that will make me magically better. Soon enough I faced the two prevalent answers the internet had to offer me: performance anxiety and porn induced erectile dysfunction. To self-diagnose performance anxiety was easy, after all I did not look at extreme porn, i mastrubated no more than once a day and my dick could still (relatively) work in porn sessions. I quickly found some breathing exercises and began practicing, hoping that overcoming my nervousness - which was also surely present. in order to conquer the girl I wanted. Days passed, we tried again and... nothing. No ammount of self-concious breathing could help me. The pants dweller would not rise for the occasion. The failure would continue for several more attempts as we both grew increasinly more lustful, but only one of us was able. To combat this early defect, I undertook the often heard advice to prep oneself with self-pleasurement accompanied with porn videos. So I sat in my bathroom beating it off, thinking if it works to porn it must work when I meet her.
Facing repeated failures, I decided to take fate into my own hands. Once again hopping to google, I managed to track down sex pills that provided me with the ideal ratio of quantity over costs. Looking back, I was incredibly lucky to find these specific pills that worked for me. Later on, when I tried some cheaper pills I received no reaction whatsover except a case of shitters, and Viagra that I tried on one occasion only made me blush and nothing else (to my surprise Viagra actually doesnt work for everyone [fully healthy males included!]). Anyway, these pills helped me get a sex life and pushed me onwards. Had I not found them, I would surely end up miserable and maybe scared permanently. This way I managed to have satisfying sex and it helped me transition into reboot. It was already after a month of sex pills that I finally understood that I am suffering from PIED. Reading more thoroughly on it, I realized that extreme fetishes, long lasting sessions and agressive self-abuse are not the only symptoms of PIED. It appeared that my habitual, daily dosage of PIV, almost vanilla-like sex was enough to overtake my brain and rewire it to the computer screen instead of real women. Looking back, I am sure that I had some sort of a fetish, namely I would only MO to PIV scenes, uninterested in almost all other content. How ridiculous this sounds!
Finally, I realized, retrospectivly, that pre-cum my penis would release prior to any kind of sexual activity was somehow contected to my PIED. (i release almost none now!!!). I also developed some disorder when peeing that was also connected to this. I don't know when this exactly happen, but at one point in time, maybe 2 years before I began my reboot, I started having trouble peeing surrounded by strangers in situations such as public restrooms etc. No matter how badly I needed to go, if I felt this anxiety I just could not do it. This problem also went away together with pre-cum issue. So if you are suffering from these problems, I urge you to stop with porn and do occasional Kegel and reverse Kegel exercises. Unlike some advocates of these two exercises, I do not find a need or reason to do them daily or regulary, but occasionally, once or twice a week when you remember them, because they will not heal you in two weeks anyway and occasional practice can't hurt you anyway.
Chapter II: Starting the Journey
Having diagnosed myself with PIED, I immediatelly stopped watching porn. I still remember the very last session I had after which I finally realized that something must be wrong with it. Looking back, I could not get my dick more than 70% of what it can do now. Maybe even less. I would mastrubate to porn with a limpish dick that would be impossible to insert into a va-jay-jay. My decision was based soley on the fact that A) I have this empirical problem of ED B) porn serves no use in my life except pleasure, and if it is possibly the reason behind my problem A then it must be eliminated. And so I stopped that day thinking, that if I am ever to be truly happy I must have a satisfiying sex life, otherwise no relationship can thrive longterm. I shit you not, I never watched porn again after this day. How I did it you might ask? Well the answer is simple: it would jeaperdise my happiness. I don't think you need greater motivation than that. Porn is a lie and an addiction that makes your life worse. If you have ED and you watch porn, you are conciously destroying yourself and your future hapiness. I don't want to be too preachy, but it is a simple truth.
Anyway, decision to quit porn was realtively easy for me after this point. I had a love interest and I did not need it anyway. I had all the (pill-induced) sex that I needed and I could begin my rebooting journey, albeit far from hard mode. I am certain that my active sex life slowed me down for months in my reboot, but it was also beneficial in many ways. Firstly, it eliminated any possible temptation of porn because I had more than enough sex in RL. Secondly, it allowed me to monitor my ever increasing performance. Despite the idea that your body gets accustomed to sex pills and their effect decreases over time, in my case it was completely the opposite. As I was also rebooting I was noticing slow and gradual increase in my sex appetite. I was much, much more hornier in the last days of my pill using days than at the beginning. A normally functioning man might have an opposite experience, but for a person who suffered from ED like me it was the opposite.
Chapter III: Staying Clean
After a several months of rebooting with sex, morning woods were the first to come back to my enormous delight. I was at that point certain that reboot was working, even though my occasional attempts to have pill-less sex failed. I did manage to receive successful handjobs in this period and progress was making me happy. The comeback of MW also meant that nothing was wrong with me physically, as pills also testified. The pants dweller could hoop, but he wasn't done with the development league yet (ahhhh nba puns). It is in this period that things remained pretty much the same, I would avoid porn at all costs, have an occasional wank and have regular sex with the help of pills. Spontanous erections were non existent, but I could get them from fantasies. Finally after about half a year of this, I seperated with my love interest. It was after this, almost three month period that I would finally have time to undergo a more deeper reboot. I originally planned to finally do the hardmode hoping that it would heal me as I was still very desperate to lose my dependency on pills. Unfortunately (or fortunately, who knows), I just could not do it. Basically after the first week I was having boners constantly, and my urges to MO were strong. The same would continue for much of these three months, I would last a maximum of 15 days and then I would MO to sensation. No matter how I tried, I just couldn't do it. Luckily, it was probably at this time that I was healed already.
Chapter IV: Success
After a long summer, I reconnected with my lover again. She was coming over and I knew it was make it or break it. My old, trusty sex pills ran out and I ordered sildenafil ones, just in case. I was extremely nervous and even made a thread about it here. We tried sex that very night and it was a disaster. All my rebooting for nothing. I was devastated. Crushed. How after all this time, I still cannot get it up? The next day, I loaded myself with sildenafil and made another go at it. Sildenafil gave me the same sensation in my face as my old trusty sex pills, but to my schock and horror it had no effect on my reproductive organ. Had half-assed erection, but it was natural and not from the pill. I was bummed out and she was pissed. What the fuck was going on? We had a long talk, I shared some of my insecurities, she comforted me, we started to made out and BOOM I was ready. Just like that all the previous failures were erased as my erection was strong enough for sex. Sildenafil did not have anything to do with it. This was to be confirmed in another round that we were to have two days later, and another one after that and another one even later.
So what happened? By the wonderful failure of sildenafil I finally gave normal sex a chance. Naturally, after all the problems of ED, anxiety WAS still a factor. We PIED unfortunates more often than not have to deal not with singular problems, but with plural ones. We are not hooked just to porn, but to the solitary experience of mastrubation, that is much, much different than sex. It is only because sildenafil failed that I could have finally relaxed because I had no other options. I might have been healed sooner, but perhaps I delayed it by using sex pills. What is certain is that sex pills do carry some danger with them. First and foremost, they make you a sex-beast, because you get aroused at less than you normally would which might influence how you approach foreplay. I basically didn't need any foreplay on myself while using sex pills as I would get hard just by being naked next to her. The first thing I learned in pill-less sex is that I need a different kind of foreplay. There are other difficulties with the sexpill reboot, like finding the right pills that work for you, avoiding becoming reliant on them and the question whether I would even be able to have normal sex if I did not have a three month break from using them.
All in all, I consider myself healed now. As it stands, I accepted the fact that I will never watch porn again. It is somewhat tempting to imagine all the content and possibilities it offers, but I only need to remind you about the price it comes attached with. So tread your path carefully.
Finally, I post this in hope that someone would find my experience beneficial, motivational and useful for your own reboot. I would gladly answer any further questions you might have regarding my experience with DE, desentization, pre-cum, sex pills, etc.
Chapter 1: Self-Diagnosis
When after months of chasing I finally ended up naked with the girl of my dreams, I just could not believe my eyes. We were naked, horny and crazy, but for some - at that time unknown- reason my member would not bulge. I ascribed it to nervousness and we agreed to have another go in a couple of days. Naturally, I used my given time to go to google for help, typing my problem in a hundred of different ways hoping to find that one right answer that will make me magically better. Soon enough I faced the two prevalent answers the internet had to offer me: performance anxiety and porn induced erectile dysfunction. To self-diagnose performance anxiety was easy, after all I did not look at extreme porn, i mastrubated no more than once a day and my dick could still (relatively) work in porn sessions. I quickly found some breathing exercises and began practicing, hoping that overcoming my nervousness - which was also surely present. in order to conquer the girl I wanted. Days passed, we tried again and... nothing. No ammount of self-concious breathing could help me. The pants dweller would not rise for the occasion. The failure would continue for several more attempts as we both grew increasinly more lustful, but only one of us was able. To combat this early defect, I undertook the often heard advice to prep oneself with self-pleasurement accompanied with porn videos. So I sat in my bathroom beating it off, thinking if it works to porn it must work when I meet her.
Facing repeated failures, I decided to take fate into my own hands. Once again hopping to google, I managed to track down sex pills that provided me with the ideal ratio of quantity over costs. Looking back, I was incredibly lucky to find these specific pills that worked for me. Later on, when I tried some cheaper pills I received no reaction whatsover except a case of shitters, and Viagra that I tried on one occasion only made me blush and nothing else (to my surprise Viagra actually doesnt work for everyone [fully healthy males included!]). Anyway, these pills helped me get a sex life and pushed me onwards. Had I not found them, I would surely end up miserable and maybe scared permanently. This way I managed to have satisfying sex and it helped me transition into reboot. It was already after a month of sex pills that I finally understood that I am suffering from PIED. Reading more thoroughly on it, I realized that extreme fetishes, long lasting sessions and agressive self-abuse are not the only symptoms of PIED. It appeared that my habitual, daily dosage of PIV, almost vanilla-like sex was enough to overtake my brain and rewire it to the computer screen instead of real women. Looking back, I am sure that I had some sort of a fetish, namely I would only MO to PIV scenes, uninterested in almost all other content. How ridiculous this sounds!
Finally, I realized, retrospectivly, that pre-cum my penis would release prior to any kind of sexual activity was somehow contected to my PIED. (i release almost none now!!!). I also developed some disorder when peeing that was also connected to this. I don't know when this exactly happen, but at one point in time, maybe 2 years before I began my reboot, I started having trouble peeing surrounded by strangers in situations such as public restrooms etc. No matter how badly I needed to go, if I felt this anxiety I just could not do it. This problem also went away together with pre-cum issue. So if you are suffering from these problems, I urge you to stop with porn and do occasional Kegel and reverse Kegel exercises. Unlike some advocates of these two exercises, I do not find a need or reason to do them daily or regulary, but occasionally, once or twice a week when you remember them, because they will not heal you in two weeks anyway and occasional practice can't hurt you anyway.
Chapter II: Starting the Journey
Having diagnosed myself with PIED, I immediatelly stopped watching porn. I still remember the very last session I had after which I finally realized that something must be wrong with it. Looking back, I could not get my dick more than 70% of what it can do now. Maybe even less. I would mastrubate to porn with a limpish dick that would be impossible to insert into a va-jay-jay. My decision was based soley on the fact that A) I have this empirical problem of ED B) porn serves no use in my life except pleasure, and if it is possibly the reason behind my problem A then it must be eliminated. And so I stopped that day thinking, that if I am ever to be truly happy I must have a satisfiying sex life, otherwise no relationship can thrive longterm. I shit you not, I never watched porn again after this day. How I did it you might ask? Well the answer is simple: it would jeaperdise my happiness. I don't think you need greater motivation than that. Porn is a lie and an addiction that makes your life worse. If you have ED and you watch porn, you are conciously destroying yourself and your future hapiness. I don't want to be too preachy, but it is a simple truth.
Anyway, decision to quit porn was realtively easy for me after this point. I had a love interest and I did not need it anyway. I had all the (pill-induced) sex that I needed and I could begin my rebooting journey, albeit far from hard mode. I am certain that my active sex life slowed me down for months in my reboot, but it was also beneficial in many ways. Firstly, it eliminated any possible temptation of porn because I had more than enough sex in RL. Secondly, it allowed me to monitor my ever increasing performance. Despite the idea that your body gets accustomed to sex pills and their effect decreases over time, in my case it was completely the opposite. As I was also rebooting I was noticing slow and gradual increase in my sex appetite. I was much, much more hornier in the last days of my pill using days than at the beginning. A normally functioning man might have an opposite experience, but for a person who suffered from ED like me it was the opposite.
Chapter III: Staying Clean
After a several months of rebooting with sex, morning woods were the first to come back to my enormous delight. I was at that point certain that reboot was working, even though my occasional attempts to have pill-less sex failed. I did manage to receive successful handjobs in this period and progress was making me happy. The comeback of MW also meant that nothing was wrong with me physically, as pills also testified. The pants dweller could hoop, but he wasn't done with the development league yet (ahhhh nba puns). It is in this period that things remained pretty much the same, I would avoid porn at all costs, have an occasional wank and have regular sex with the help of pills. Spontanous erections were non existent, but I could get them from fantasies. Finally after about half a year of this, I seperated with my love interest. It was after this, almost three month period that I would finally have time to undergo a more deeper reboot. I originally planned to finally do the hardmode hoping that it would heal me as I was still very desperate to lose my dependency on pills. Unfortunately (or fortunately, who knows), I just could not do it. Basically after the first week I was having boners constantly, and my urges to MO were strong. The same would continue for much of these three months, I would last a maximum of 15 days and then I would MO to sensation. No matter how I tried, I just couldn't do it. Luckily, it was probably at this time that I was healed already.
Chapter IV: Success
After a long summer, I reconnected with my lover again. She was coming over and I knew it was make it or break it. My old, trusty sex pills ran out and I ordered sildenafil ones, just in case. I was extremely nervous and even made a thread about it here. We tried sex that very night and it was a disaster. All my rebooting for nothing. I was devastated. Crushed. How after all this time, I still cannot get it up? The next day, I loaded myself with sildenafil and made another go at it. Sildenafil gave me the same sensation in my face as my old trusty sex pills, but to my schock and horror it had no effect on my reproductive organ. Had half-assed erection, but it was natural and not from the pill. I was bummed out and she was pissed. What the fuck was going on? We had a long talk, I shared some of my insecurities, she comforted me, we started to made out and BOOM I was ready. Just like that all the previous failures were erased as my erection was strong enough for sex. Sildenafil did not have anything to do with it. This was to be confirmed in another round that we were to have two days later, and another one after that and another one even later.
So what happened? By the wonderful failure of sildenafil I finally gave normal sex a chance. Naturally, after all the problems of ED, anxiety WAS still a factor. We PIED unfortunates more often than not have to deal not with singular problems, but with plural ones. We are not hooked just to porn, but to the solitary experience of mastrubation, that is much, much different than sex. It is only because sildenafil failed that I could have finally relaxed because I had no other options. I might have been healed sooner, but perhaps I delayed it by using sex pills. What is certain is that sex pills do carry some danger with them. First and foremost, they make you a sex-beast, because you get aroused at less than you normally would which might influence how you approach foreplay. I basically didn't need any foreplay on myself while using sex pills as I would get hard just by being naked next to her. The first thing I learned in pill-less sex is that I need a different kind of foreplay. There are other difficulties with the sexpill reboot, like finding the right pills that work for you, avoiding becoming reliant on them and the question whether I would even be able to have normal sex if I did not have a three month break from using them.
All in all, I consider myself healed now. As it stands, I accepted the fact that I will never watch porn again. It is somewhat tempting to imagine all the content and possibilities it offers, but I only need to remind you about the price it comes attached with. So tread your path carefully.
Finally, I post this in hope that someone would find my experience beneficial, motivational and useful for your own reboot. I would gladly answer any further questions you might have regarding my experience with DE, desentization, pre-cum, sex pills, etc.
