middleagedos
Active Member
I want to stop fapping to porn. But obviously I don't. Or I wouldn't be here. If I really wanted to stop then I'd stop, right? So since I don't stop, I don't want to stop. But if I don't want to stop, why the heck am I becoming active on these forums? The action says more than the confused ideas I think.
I've been reading the YBOP porn book daily for a few months, plus listened to the videos about it for a while. My life has definitely become more negative in the last year I think. I'm not sure how much of it is porn related. I've found that in the week after I stop porn for a while, I seem to feel more energetic. Other times, using the porn doesn't seem to bother me. But is that just because I've got used to the lethargy and porn-adjusted brain?
I remember a period of a few years, perhaps 3 or 4 years ago when I didn't use porn. It was a tremendously productive period of my life. Now I'm using porn regularly and my life isn't going as well.
It makes sense to me that if the brain is being hit with immense pleasure every day or every few days, then other things will pale in comparison. OK, slightly disgusting bit of the post coming up now...
Through the use of lubricant, tumblr gifs, posts that inspire a combination of taboo and self-loathing, and hypnotic sounds I have achieved levels of intense pleasure that nothing in the rest of my life can match. It annoys me that the world might be like that: that life is such that by achieving fantastic easy glorious pleasure it can actually make life worse. But I have the strangest feeling that stopping porn will be great for me and help to turn my life around - or turn me around - which is kind of the same thing.
The bottom line is: I don't want to stop. Otherwise, why would I be writing this post? I'd just stop. But if I don't want to stop, why am I writing this post? I used to believe in the concept of porn addiction and used that to stay stopped for a while. Now I don't like that concept. I think it is a choice that I use porn. But I am choosing porn over a life I'd prefer. Why would I do that? Because porn is easy, and humans are lazy.
Anyway, I may or may not use porn tonight. But I will probably post tomorrow.
I've been reading the YBOP porn book daily for a few months, plus listened to the videos about it for a while. My life has definitely become more negative in the last year I think. I'm not sure how much of it is porn related. I've found that in the week after I stop porn for a while, I seem to feel more energetic. Other times, using the porn doesn't seem to bother me. But is that just because I've got used to the lethargy and porn-adjusted brain?
I remember a period of a few years, perhaps 3 or 4 years ago when I didn't use porn. It was a tremendously productive period of my life. Now I'm using porn regularly and my life isn't going as well.
It makes sense to me that if the brain is being hit with immense pleasure every day or every few days, then other things will pale in comparison. OK, slightly disgusting bit of the post coming up now...
Through the use of lubricant, tumblr gifs, posts that inspire a combination of taboo and self-loathing, and hypnotic sounds I have achieved levels of intense pleasure that nothing in the rest of my life can match. It annoys me that the world might be like that: that life is such that by achieving fantastic easy glorious pleasure it can actually make life worse. But I have the strangest feeling that stopping porn will be great for me and help to turn my life around - or turn me around - which is kind of the same thing.
The bottom line is: I don't want to stop. Otherwise, why would I be writing this post? I'd just stop. But if I don't want to stop, why am I writing this post? I used to believe in the concept of porn addiction and used that to stay stopped for a while. Now I don't like that concept. I think it is a choice that I use porn. But I am choosing porn over a life I'd prefer. Why would I do that? Because porn is easy, and humans are lazy.
Anyway, I may or may not use porn tonight. But I will probably post tomorrow.