32, Been battling this for 3 years on/off. Now I'm done messing around.

Hey all.

I watched Gary Wilsons TED talk about 4 years ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks, Then I watched everything I could find, including Gabe's videos and I it became painfully clear that I had completely screwed myself up with porn from my early teens. We got fast internet quite early in my household and I had my own computer in my bedroom. I'm sure you can figure out the rest

I've tried rebooting a number of times on my own, looking at forum posts and watching videos but never really sharing my problems with anybody. Needless to say, that didn't work. I think the best I did was around 25 days and then I relapsed and felt so worthless that I just went back to my usual routine of PMO every couple of days, even if I knew it was wrong.

Regarding my issues with real sex, In my mid 20s I developed anorgasmia, I could last forever... (Yay.. Stamina.. lol) And while this would impress some girls they would usually start getting concerned that I didn't find them attractive because I couldn't actually finish. Now in my early 30s that has changed into full blown ED. Even though for the past 3 years i've tried my best to keep my porn use to an absolute minimum its still had that much of an effect on me, which shows you just how damaging it is. Of course i've never been able to hold down a relationship for any meaningful amount of time, and I work a deadend job that I hate, but which pays my bills.

I'm honestly done with this shit. I've lost so much of my life to this fucking addiction.

So here I am, This time I'm going to reboot, and I fucking mean it.

I've come clean about my porn issues with two of my closest friends (very awkward conversations), showing them Gary and Gabe's videos totally blew their minds and had them thinking about their own porn use. I've explained to them that i'm rebooting and I need to be held accountable for my actions. They check in with me multiple times a day to make sure i'm good and that I'm not thinking about using. And they are happy to either come hang out or go out somewhere with me to take my mind off things.

I'm currently on Day 6:

Today I woke up with morning wood for the first time in probably 5 years. After that subsided my labido has dropped through the floor, nothing going on from the waist down at the moment. As far as the rest of my body, I've already had a couple of cases of insomnia over the past few days and today I woke up with a headache and generally feeling quite on edge and shakey which has continued throughout the day. So clearly there is some neurochemical battle going on inside my head at the moment. Which being objective about things is a good sigh, at least something is changing. Mood wise I'd say i'm a 4 out of 10 at the moment.

Thats all for now folks.

Hey buddy, sounds like you're doing well! I think we're in the same boat a little bit, having been struggling with this for long time. Sometimes it blows my mind to think that I haven't managed to stay clean after all this time, but I also know that all I can really do to help myself is focus on living clean today. I'm doing it, and today feels good.

Here for support if you need it.

I?m not sure I?d say I?m doing well.... but I?m still going so I?ll take that!

Day 7 - one week done.. Today I feel utterly disengaged from everything, emotionally numb. No morning wood, no libido. Wondering if it?s the start of a flatline... either way I can cope with this part of the recovery. It?s the other extremes where all my emotions and libido are turned up to 11 where I always fail.

Embrace the suck.

Gradatim Ferociter - Step by Step, Ferociously

Welcome!

I had PIED for 12 years and after about 100 days of rebooting I was able to have successful sex with no malfunctions at all. 100 days seem like a long long time but after a while the days seem to fly by. It gets easier after a while, it really does. It's critical for you to pass the ~60 days mark because the DeltaFosB starts dissolving at that point which will reduce your cravings and withdrawals by a huuuuuge margin.

You seem very determined which is good but don't be to hard on yourself if you should relapse. No negative self-talk, it will make everything worse. Be kind to yourself it will help you, not only concerning the reboot. Furthermore, now is a good time to look at your life and start improving things little by little. Maybe you are drinking too much, maybe you are eating too much fast food, maybe you are playing to much video games and so on and so forth. On top of that, be aware that you are a PMO addict for life. So, you are not looking for a short term solution to fix your ED/anorgasmia but to lay a foundation on which you can lead a healthy life and leave porn behind for good.

Kudos for opening up to your friends! Not only will it help you regarding the accountability but it also reduces shame a lot that some PMO addicts carry around. It also shows you that you are not a monster because you are addicted to watching people having coitus interruptus on a screen. It's not the end of the world and it won't be the end of the world if people came to know about it. Actually it's not that big of a deal as we like to think sometimes (excluding the negative consequences/ED/general malfunctions that it brings). Moreover, and I know it is not an easy thing to do, but stop dwelling on the "lost years". There is plenty sex to be had in the future. Nothing good will ever come of it if you get sad and angry while thinking about your past. Focus on the present and future, that's the only thing that counts!

Take care!

Hi Pete,

Thanks for your input. When I refer to lost time I?m not really talking about sex, I?m talking about the other effects that I know this addiction has had on my life, I can?t remember the last time i was truly excited by something. I currently have extremely low motivation to better myself beyond where I am now. I don?t drink and I eat pretty healthily anyway as that?s just how I?ve always been. I?ve always looked after myself and If I?m being honest I?ve always looked down on people who have suffered from addictions, because I?ve always felt that willpower was one of my strengths so therefore I must be better than all of those ?other? people. I had a pretty strict upbringing because my parents were in the military and I?ve always felt like I had a grip on my life and I could never be one of those people.

Yeah... I was an asshat.

This of course completely changed when I realised that something I?d been told couldn?t do me any harm or was sex positive had all along been conditioning me to be attracted to pixels... and then when I tried to give it up I also realised that I was an addict just like all those people I?d judged before. In some ways this experience has and will change me for the better, I understand a lot more about the human condition and myself.

And trust me, if I manage to kick this I don?t want anything to do with porn for the rest of my life. I?m not just looking for a quick fix to my ED.

Thanks again.

Pete McVries said:

Welcome!

I had PIED for 12 years and after about 100 days of rebooting I was able to have successful sex with no malfunctions at all. 100 days seem like a long long time but after a while the days seem to fly by. It gets easier after a while, it really does. It's critical for you to pass the ~60 days mark because the DeltaFosB starts dissolving at that point which will reduce your cravings and withdrawals by a huuuuuge margin.

You seem very determined which is good but don't be to hard on yourself if you should relapse. No negative self-talk, it will make everything worse. Be kind to yourself it will help you, not only concerning the reboot. Furthermore, now is a good time to look at your life and start improving things little by little. Maybe you are drinking too much, maybe you are eating too much fast food, maybe you are playing to much video games and so on and so forth. On top of that, be aware that you are a PMO addict for life. So, you are not looking for a short term solution to fix your ED/anorgasmia but to lay a foundation on which you can lead a healthy life and leave porn behind for good.

Kudos for opening up to your friends! Not only will it help you regarding the accountability but it also reduces shame a lot that some PMO addicts carry around. It also shows you that you are not a monster because you are addicted to watching people having coitus interruptus on a screen. It's not the end of the world and it won't be the end of the world if people came to know about it. Actually it's not that big of a deal as we like to think sometimes (excluding the negative consequences/ED/general malfunctions that it brings). Moreover, and I know it is not an easy thing to do, but stop dwelling on the "lost years". There is plenty sex to be had in the future. Nothing good will ever come of it if you get sad and angry while thinking about your past. Focus on the present and future, that's the only thing that counts!

Take care!

Click to expand...

holly molly. i totally felt like you talkin to me. i dont know what is this topic is all about because im just drunk scrolling down and boom someone is talking to someone with negative self talk, who is into alcohol and video games. deltafosb is a real thing to me too, i always fail before 60 days and shit like that. your whole post, you got me.

FlacidMan5000 said:

Hi Pete,

Thanks for your input. When I refer to lost time I?m not really talking about sex, I?m talking about the other effects that I know this addiction has had on my life, I can?t remember the last time i was truly excited by something. I currently have extremely low motivation to better myself beyond where I am now. I don?t drink and I eat pretty healthily anyway as that?s just how I?ve always been. I?ve always looked after myself and If I?m being honest I?ve always looked down on people who have suffered from addictions, because I?ve always felt that willpower was one of my strengths so therefore I must be better than all of those ?other? people. I had a pretty strict upbringing because my parents were in the military and I?ve always felt like I had a grip on my life and I could never be one of those people.

Yeah... I was an asshat.

This of course completely changed when I realised that something I?d been told couldn?t do me any harm or was sex positive had all along been conditioning me to be attracted to pixels... and then when I tried to give it up I also realised that I was an addict just like all those people I?d judged before. In some ways this experience has and will change me for the better, I understand a lot more about the human condition and myself.

And trust me, if I manage to kick this I don?t want anything to do with porn for the rest of my life. I?m not just looking for a quick fix to my ED.

Thanks again.

Click to expand...

Totally relate to feeling like I should be able to beat this based on willpower alone. I always used to look at addicts and think that they should just toughen up and find some willpower. It wasn't until I realised that I myself was an addict that I began to realise that addiction is a symptom of a problem, rather than a problem unto itself. In that way, my addiction has helped me to discover parts of me that I didn't even know were hurting. I'm grateful for the self-discovery, even if it also totally sucks a lot of the time!