Trying to Stop

First time I have ever officially made an outward attempt to quit. Always before would just keep everything in my head but it seems to not be working so here we go.

I first looked at a magazine when I was in kindergarten and then my friend had Cinemax in elementary. We would have sleepovers and I would see some of the late night movies there occasionally. We moved away but I started seeing pictures when we got the internet in middle school. I was able to kick it all pretty good throughout college and my 20?s. When I got a smartphone in my late 20?s I started looking again. Got married in 20?s and have kids. I am late 30?s now. With stress of kids, money, family, and everything that goes with being an adult, porn started becoming the way to numb out the difficulties of life. It would let me go to a fantasyland for a little while as my life was hard. I use it as a numbing agent for me.

I want to stop but this has become the way to not feel things for the past few years and it is hard to quit. I am writing this journal to begin the process and am hoping some type of outward action can help me along the path. I recently had a streak of 8 days but fell again. 

Today is the new start. I am trying to accept that life is hard sometimes and to deal with those emotions instead of numbing them out. I am working to be a better husband and father. I don?t want to spend my time fantasizing and let my life drift away. That is what porn does to me. Takes me away from reality and so my life for the last few years feels like a blur. I?ll be making progress updates about this for myself.

Hey man,

First of all Welcome and hats of for taking responsibility for your addiction.

Yes, porn can be the greatest little fantasy world indeed. It's everything you want and more and you can choose what you want. It's perfect for exerting that type of control. Unfortunately, when you get used to it, reality is even harder to digest sometimes and it gets worse and worse.

I think it is very good that you've realized what kind of influence P has on you. You've also set clear goals to be a better husband and father and I commend you for it. What could also help is to set an initial goal on what you want to achieve? You can start by doing a reboot for a set period of time. But after that? What will you do and more importantly how are you going to achieve it? If you have your goals and approach clear its usualy half of the work.

For now, i could recommend reading the book 'Your Brain On Porn', read posts on this site and other stuff. Also there is a lot of useful youtube videos about the subject. Do you have anyone around you who can support and help you or talk to? That also helps.

Good luck man, I look forward to reading your progress!

p.s. It is ok to 'fail'. You're only human and that's ok.