I am roughly 440 days clean without porn or masterbation. A lot has changed in my life. All of it for the better. Yet I'm here wondering what the next step is. What does moving forward look like? I have no illusions that I'm in the complete clear of my addiction, I know relapse can happen even if you're multiple years clean. And I still deal with thoughts and occasional urges to go back to those old habits. I guess I wonder when/if I'll get to that finish line to a happier life.
The truth is that the future is scary because no one knows what it looks like. The past is easier to look at because you've lived it, you know what transpired and what you would have done differently. But I've made so many mistakes in the past, who's to say that the future won't be the same?
That's the battle in my mind, and in our minds we like to tell ourselves stories, even ones that are hurtful and not true. Life is all about leaps of faith. That it will all work out in the long run. All I can do, all any of us can do, is learn from our experience (don't dwell or obsess) and make the best decisions we can.
A lot of us on here deal with despair and sense of helplessness. Truth is we don't have all the control, only how we choose to respond. A lot of this recovery has been about believing in ourselves. That we are entitled to happiness. It's easy to forget that. Even a year plus into recovery.
The truth is that the future is scary because no one knows what it looks like. The past is easier to look at because you've lived it, you know what transpired and what you would have done differently. But I've made so many mistakes in the past, who's to say that the future won't be the same?
That's the battle in my mind, and in our minds we like to tell ourselves stories, even ones that are hurtful and not true. Life is all about leaps of faith. That it will all work out in the long run. All I can do, all any of us can do, is learn from our experience (don't dwell or obsess) and make the best decisions we can.
A lot of us on here deal with despair and sense of helplessness. Truth is we don't have all the control, only how we choose to respond. A lot of this recovery has been about believing in ourselves. That we are entitled to happiness. It's easy to forget that. Even a year plus into recovery.