My nick is Rodeo_Clown (not what my parents named me)
I've been hanging around here at RN and other nofap forums for the past couple of years, reading journals and discussions but not participating.
I'm a 58 years old porn addict who's last use was yesterday morning, when I decided, yet again, for the ???? time to delete the 12 to 15TB of porn accumulated on several HDDs on my comp in a matter of a few days. It's been my pattern for the past couple of years to binge by going to a couple of porn torrent forums and "mass" download megapacks, packs, clips, pics, etc. After a few days of this I get sick of it, quit for good, then start all over again a few days or a couple of weeks later. I've been addicted to porn since I was 12 or 13 years old.
There's more to it than that but that's for another time; the main thing for me right now is to have started a journal and made contact here on Reboot Nation.
I have an idea as to how addictions work although this porn business beats me!
I'm an alcoholic and have been clean from alcohol and drugs since November 24, 1991. I've also struggled with gambling a long time ago but like for the drinking part the thirst/urge have been lifted back then. Same goes for smoking; I was a heavy smoker and one day about a dozen years ago just decided to quit and never looked back.
I'm not a religious man. It turned me off a long time ago and had to "deprogram" myself from a the crap (guilt, shame, etc.) that was instilled in me as a kid. I turned to Buddhism about 10 years ago (as a philosophy, not a religion). I'm not "flagelling" myself (not certain if I can use the term "beat myself up" on this forum ;-)) as a result of my porn use because I know that I'm a sick person and yes, I am aware of harm caused to others and myself as a result of this addiction.
Can't guarantee if I can come here to journal every day but I'll give it a good shot. I'm just sick and tired of this cycle.
I don't know how many times I quit porn; what I want to do is STAY QUIT!
All the best to my fellow suffering addicts!
RC
I've been hanging around here at RN and other nofap forums for the past couple of years, reading journals and discussions but not participating.
I'm a 58 years old porn addict who's last use was yesterday morning, when I decided, yet again, for the ???? time to delete the 12 to 15TB of porn accumulated on several HDDs on my comp in a matter of a few days. It's been my pattern for the past couple of years to binge by going to a couple of porn torrent forums and "mass" download megapacks, packs, clips, pics, etc. After a few days of this I get sick of it, quit for good, then start all over again a few days or a couple of weeks later. I've been addicted to porn since I was 12 or 13 years old.
There's more to it than that but that's for another time; the main thing for me right now is to have started a journal and made contact here on Reboot Nation.
I have an idea as to how addictions work although this porn business beats me!
I'm an alcoholic and have been clean from alcohol and drugs since November 24, 1991. I've also struggled with gambling a long time ago but like for the drinking part the thirst/urge have been lifted back then. Same goes for smoking; I was a heavy smoker and one day about a dozen years ago just decided to quit and never looked back.
I'm not a religious man. It turned me off a long time ago and had to "deprogram" myself from a the crap (guilt, shame, etc.) that was instilled in me as a kid. I turned to Buddhism about 10 years ago (as a philosophy, not a religion). I'm not "flagelling" myself (not certain if I can use the term "beat myself up" on this forum ;-)) as a result of my porn use because I know that I'm a sick person and yes, I am aware of harm caused to others and myself as a result of this addiction.
Can't guarantee if I can come here to journal every day but I'll give it a good shot. I'm just sick and tired of this cycle.
I don't know how many times I quit porn; what I want to do is STAY QUIT!
All the best to my fellow suffering addicts!
RC