It's not impossible if others have done it

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wecandoit

Guest
Day 5

Hello all users! I am a 29 years old porn addict. The story of my addiction is not very different. In short, I started watching porn when I was a teenager and haven't freed myself yet. As you can see at the top, this is my 5th day. I hope this streak is the golden one.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Congrats on 5 days! Even after 5 days there are already positive changes. Keep up the good work! Journaling here is REALLY helpful for me and a lot of other people. It just helps make it a little easier to stay clean.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
quitforeverthenwin2 said:
Congrats on 5 days! Even after 5 days there are already positive changes. Keep up the good work! Journaling here is REALLY helpful for me and a lot of other people. It just helps make it a little easier to stay clean.

Thank you. Everyday without porn gives the dopamine a rest and this is good. We got this.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Welcome! Being active here has been a big turning point for my recovery journey this year. One of the things about addiction is that we can get really trapped in our own heads. Posting here has really helped me to check my thinking and get great ideas and support from other people.

We definitely can do it!
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
Welcome! Being active here has been a big turning point for my recovery journey this year. One of the things about addiction is that we can get really trapped in our own heads. Posting here has really helped me to check my thinking and get great ideas and support from other people.

We definitely can do it!

Thank you.

I understand what you mean. A part of this addiction is isolation. We hide from everybody and PMO in our room or something like that. I felt like joining this place could get me out of my room in a way, metaphorically speaking, because I don't hide my porn problem anymore.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
Day 6

I finally got momentum again after binging for three days in a row, without control. The first day was very painful because I had to break away from that super binge. Urges started yesterday evening and continued into today. Images from porn scenes play in my head and arouse me. I've been trying to stay away from fantasizing too much but it's hard as fuck.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
It is really hard, but it is also possible.

Have you ever done any meditation? It's maybe not for everyone, but it has been really helpful for me to relate to my thoughts and fantasies differently. Instead of getting worried about them and fighting them, I have started learning to acknowledge them and let pass by without getting tangled up in them. I've really seen how they tend to go away on their own when I don't give them too much attention.

6 days is great! Keep it up!
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
It is really hard, but it is also possible.

Have you ever done any meditation? It's maybe not for everyone, but it has been really helpful for me to relate to my thoughts and fantasies differently. Instead of getting worried about them and fighting them, I have started learning to acknowledge them and let pass by without getting tangled up in them. I've really seen how they tend to go away on their own when I don't give them too much attention.

6 days is great! Keep it up!

I haven't been practicing meditation too much and probably I should.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
Day 7

I finally get a week long streak. It's been a while. I lost control and let myself go until I binged for 3 days in a row without seeming to have a stop button. After the first day when I painfully dragged myself out of that binge, I somehow managed to get some momentum. I don't want to go back to chaos again. I need some discipline. I am tired of the negative effects that this addiction has had on me. I want to see what's like without it.

I work in shifts. Today was the first morning shift and everything went smooth except some things that a colleague said to me. I hate those things. Some people piss me off. But, in the past, this would've made me start thinking about what porn to watch at home and once I got home, I was on all the familiar websites. This time I recognized it as a trigger and I've made a promise to myself that I will not deal with discomfort and pain using unhealthy coping things again. No drinking, no valiums, no PMO, nothing. Only after staying away from unhealthy coping things I realize how hard it is for me to deal with pain.
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Congratulations on a week! That's awesome!

It is definitely tough learning to deal with the pains and stresses of life without relying on our addictive coping techniques, but you're on the right track. It's awesome that you could recognize the trigger and take a different course of action.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Congrats man! That is awesome that you just viewed the situation as a trigger, that is a GREAT mindset to have. Sounds like you are really dedicated to this, focused and want it bad. Keep up the good work man! Looking forward to following your progress. It's great when you can feel someone is really motivated in there posts, because that re motivates me as well
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
BlueHeronFan said:
Congratulations on a week! That's awesome!

It is definitely tough learning to deal with the pains and stresses of life without relying on our addictive coping techniques, but you're on the right track. It's awesome that you could recognize the trigger and take a different course of action.

Thank you.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
quitforeverthenwin2 said:
Congrats man! That is awesome that you just viewed the situation as a trigger, that is a GREAT mindset to have. Sounds like you are really dedicated to this, focused and want it bad. Keep up the good work man! Looking forward to following your progress. It's great when you can feel someone is really motivated in there posts, because that re motivates me as well

Thank you. This motivates me even more.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
Day 8

I woke up at 1 AM and could not sleep anymore. I stared at the walls until the time to wake up came. However, despise this, I wasn't tired. I don't know what's going on but I felt so energized. I jumped right out of the bed and I was not tired at work.

Regarding work, today was peaceful. Nothing happened to cause me mental strain.

The toughest period is when I get home because this is when the hard urges start. It's the place where I PMO. I need to follow my discipline. One wrong step and I'm back at the beginning following a binge. I don't need that in my life right now because things are hard. Porn addiction is a very big obstacle right now. I act subpar, unmotivated, social anxiety, brain fog, I search for words when I speak like an old computer. I need this recovery like water. I know I am better than this. I've seen it happening with longer streaks in the past.

This time I am so motivated to reboot. I keep in mind the harms PMO does to me. I keep in mind the misery after a relapse. I keep in mind times when I was more alive thanks to no PMO.

Here is the thing: Withdrawal is suffering, no doubt about it. Porn is an addiction and every addiction has its withdrawal. I know I am going to suffer. I won't quit this addiction without suffering. People don't want to suffer but sometimes it's necessary. Think about it: After a number of days you experience the suffering of withdrawal. If you relapse, you will experience the withdrawal again with the next streak. And again and again. Every time you relapse you postpone the suffering for a while and then in a few days you feel it again. I decided to suffer only one more time and break away from this circle. One more time for the last time all the way to the end.

 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Glad you're staying on track and that you're fully awake to reality that recovery is hard work.

Withdrawal is painful, and dealing with life without relying on addiction to numb things is difficult. But it is so much better than being an addicted zombie. It's real work, and it hurts, but it matters and is worth it.

Keep at it, and don't let the pain of recovery scare you into thinking you're doing it wrong. Our addicted brains throw tantrums every now and then to get us back into the addiction. But those tantrums are harmless if we just acknowledge them and let them pass by.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
@blueheronfan yes it's difficult until you adapt to a life without PMO escapism.

Day 9

Today I felt good. Anxiety was low and I had low brain fog. It was painful to get to this point after so much anxiety but it's good.
 
Keep up the great work! I can really relate to the anxiety and brain fog that comes with recovery.  That symptoms of brain fog and lack of focus has been one of the most frustrating effects of no PMO and recovery.  It is like my mind can't quite connect and struggles to communicate what I want to say adequately.  But, day by day, as I've recovered, I've been able to think a bit more clearly and my attention span grows little by little.  I sometimes struggle with how daunting this process is, it is painful (especially the headaches) and I have cried many times because of how difficult it is.  But, after reading success stories and educating my mind about what symptoms and consequences (desensitization, sensitization, hypofrontality, altered stress response) I've fighting through, it gives me perspective, motivation and hope to keep going.
 
W

wecandoit

Guest
Freedomisworthit said:
Keep up the great work! I can really relate to the anxiety and brain fog that comes with recovery.  That symptoms of brain fog and lack of focus has been one of the most frustrating effects of no PMO and recovery.  It is like my mind can't quite connect and struggles to communicate what I want to say adequately.  But, day by day, as I've recovered, I've been able to think a bit more clearly and my attention span grows little by little.  I sometimes struggle with how daunting this process is, it is painful (especially the headaches) and I have cried many times because of how difficult it is.  But, after reading success stories and educating my mind about what symptoms and consequences (desensitization, sensitization, hypofrontality, altered stress response) I've fighting through, it gives me perspective, motivation and hope to keep going.

I understand. Thanks for the insight.
 
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