I have been on and off the nofap journey for the past three and half years, have already tasted at all type of benefit. But lately I fell so hard:-(
Last time I binged/fapped to hardcore porn was on Nov. 5 2018, followed by all the PMO negative effects: puffy eyes, afraid of eye contact, depression, low confidence, anxiety, weak gym performance and etc.
I need to man up, below is my one year no PMO weekly report:
11. 11. 2018 Week #1:
The first a few days were the hardest, still reminiscing how high that last porn viewing session was till this point... However, my brain is slowly recovering, eyes don't feel so heavy now, but all other shitty feelings remain. Regained the courage to get outside at least to be surrounded by other people.
11. 18. 2018 Week #2:
Still slightly depressed due to emptiness/loneliness, but definitely much improved compare to two weeks ago. No longer have puffy eyes, and the eye contact is much sharper and full of energy from within. Noticeable attraction from both genders starts to unfold. This week, not only did I abstained from PMO, but stayed away from Facebook, knowing that I am now regaining the control of life (stay on intermittent fasting and healthy diet, and cold shower as well) gives me the confidence to initiate and hold social interaction with people in a meaningful way.
At the coffee shop today, a guy and a girl sitting next to me actually started a brief conversion with me, and it was NOT awkward at all. My gym performance is also on the rise again.
The founding this week is that don't stay at home on the weekend while on fap, go out and embrace the world, it's real and has so much to offer! Before going to coffee shop today, my mind was playing tricks on me, justifying it's ok to PMO, and how much I will be missing if I don't, it happened to me so many times in the past and exactly how relapse is triggered. The goal from now on is to minimize the time on social media.
Withdrawal symptoms: mild headache, mood swing (sometimes cocky, sometime anxious).
11. 25. 2018 Week #3:
The withdrawals are getting more intense. I found myself over analyzing every thought that's going through my head, definitely not as confident and assertive as I want to be. Managed to get a lot done this weekend, however the insomnia starts to kick in last night, couldn't sleep till 7 am this morning, as the result Sunday today is wasted:-(
Still on no PMO, but now comes flatline...
12. 2. 2018 Week #4:
Struggling with flatline/withdrawal the whole week, low libido and motivation. Sometimes i feel like the world is crumbling down on me, and I'm all alone, hard to breath and fall asleep, Wednesday night I was lying on the bed listening to motivational speech by David Goggins, all of certain I burst into tears cuz I can so relate to myself, enough is enough and I will keep on reminding myself there's always gonna be suffering before you get to other side. And yet I'm certain something back in my mind is changing for the better as I continue this journey.
This weekend I started traveling and going out again, started enjoy interact with real people especially the opposite sex, and just being in the nature. Looking forward to the new days ahead of me, and grind.
12. 09. 2018 Week #5:
Five weeks in, dick goes into hibernation mode, not much urge for P & M, which makes it easy to stay on this journey.
Going through hell and keep going. Working towards the dreams life and getting small things done one by one. Everyday is a bless.
New hobbies/daily routines:
1. Make my bed in the morning.
2. Listen to audible instead of music while driving.
3. Pick back up learning a new language.
4. Going to starbucks and be productive instead of staying at home doing none.
5. Daily exercise.
6. Cut back on social media, don't give a fuck about "likes".
7. Rekindle relationship with family and old friends.
8. Intermittent fasting (started a couple months ago)
12. 16. 2018 Week #6:
Notice the girls look much prettier now even the ones that I didn't find attractive before, and appreciate that natural beauty. Definitely feeling the chemistry during conversation.
Overall still struggling in flatline.
Motivation is crap, it only lasts for a brief moment, need to be disciplined and driven.
12. 23. 2018 Week #7:
Merry Christmas! Fellow no fappers.
Sleep has been improving. Libido is back, more energy throughout the day, also feeling horny and thinking about sex all the time.
I can clearly see myself start approaching girls in the near future cuz that burning desire is getting stronger so is my confidence. And PMO is simply not an option.
Just signed up for the half Ironman triathlon next June and started training as I am also going into war with myself and PMO addiction.
12. 30. 2018 Week #8:
Checking in...
Slept till noon in the past three days:-( But trained hard these days for the ironman 70.3, I have never been a runner in my life and suck at swimming/cycling, so I am tripling down my weakness, striving to reach to the state where body and mind connect, so that everything between me and my goal is going to get destroyed.
Burst into tears again watching some motivation speech late last night, it felt good as if a form of emotional release during reboot when depression and tension in the chest could easily eat you alive.
Need to focus on the nutrition next and get out to make friends with people who also has positive energy.
01. 06. 2019 Week #9:
Two months in, and going strong.
Happy New Year!!
The ability to focus on subject has increased, I can now be in the coffee shop and study for 3+ hours while maintaining high level of concentration. The interaction with colleagues is also improved.
I am doing everything I can think of to become a better myself, sometimes even wonder who is this person I am turning into? If I am not going forward I will explode.
Watched the movie "limitless" last night and I could so relate to.
Depression and anxiety occasionally creeps in especially before falling asleep, I have to remind myself to focus on the positive things and the bright future lies beyond this journey.
01.13.2019 Week #10:
Energy is through the roof, really got into the endurance sports lately.
Need to channel these insane extra energy into something creative and the driving force to step outside the comfort zone.
So far I am well on track and reached my second longest streak. Still got the urges towards instant gratification, but they come and go, each time I look at it as a battle I gotta win.
01.20.2019 Week #11:
Still haven't had a wet dream yet, which is good, there is no worrying about it.
The past Wednesday 1.16.2019 I donated blood for the first time, felt quite happy about this type of giving, unlike jerking off. My body actually recovered pretty quickly thanks for semen retention and healthy diet.
Focused on the training for ironman these days, not much success and interaction with girls, living like a monk. But that's OK cuz I know i'm strong and happy from within.
Notice the room is always clean and organized, just something you do if you're disciplined.
Plan to get up early and hit the swimming pool everyday.
01.27.2019 Week #12:
Struggling to improve swimming these days, trying to hit the pool as much as I can.
Starting to monitor my heart rate during training, the energy and stamina from nofap is incredible, but the body needs to keep up.
Not getting much "deep sleep" every night concerns me a bit, wondering if it's due to being always mentally geared up from prolonged sexual abstinence, realizing this is hindering my physical recovery:-(
No PMO journal continues... right now I am just hanging there.
02.03.2019 Week #13:
90 days no PMO is here... Cheers!
Honestly I am on the edge of relapse to PMO right now since mid this week. Part of me wants that instant high so bad, the urge to watch porn came back with vengeance mixed with that "use it or lose it" mentality is making it really hard to focus.
The other part of me knows with certainty that jerking off to a screen of other people having sex is so unnatural and pathetic, going back to that I will never be the best version I can. Can't imagine how badly I would beat myself up if I were to relapse, NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!!
Been hitting the pool swimming everyday this week, the progress is real. Also excited to return to crossfit community next week, the main focus, however, is still training for Ironman.
Last time I binged/fapped to hardcore porn was on Nov. 5 2018, followed by all the PMO negative effects: puffy eyes, afraid of eye contact, depression, low confidence, anxiety, weak gym performance and etc.
I need to man up, below is my one year no PMO weekly report:
11. 11. 2018 Week #1:
The first a few days were the hardest, still reminiscing how high that last porn viewing session was till this point... However, my brain is slowly recovering, eyes don't feel so heavy now, but all other shitty feelings remain. Regained the courage to get outside at least to be surrounded by other people.
11. 18. 2018 Week #2:
Still slightly depressed due to emptiness/loneliness, but definitely much improved compare to two weeks ago. No longer have puffy eyes, and the eye contact is much sharper and full of energy from within. Noticeable attraction from both genders starts to unfold. This week, not only did I abstained from PMO, but stayed away from Facebook, knowing that I am now regaining the control of life (stay on intermittent fasting and healthy diet, and cold shower as well) gives me the confidence to initiate and hold social interaction with people in a meaningful way.
At the coffee shop today, a guy and a girl sitting next to me actually started a brief conversion with me, and it was NOT awkward at all. My gym performance is also on the rise again.
The founding this week is that don't stay at home on the weekend while on fap, go out and embrace the world, it's real and has so much to offer! Before going to coffee shop today, my mind was playing tricks on me, justifying it's ok to PMO, and how much I will be missing if I don't, it happened to me so many times in the past and exactly how relapse is triggered. The goal from now on is to minimize the time on social media.
Withdrawal symptoms: mild headache, mood swing (sometimes cocky, sometime anxious).
11. 25. 2018 Week #3:
The withdrawals are getting more intense. I found myself over analyzing every thought that's going through my head, definitely not as confident and assertive as I want to be. Managed to get a lot done this weekend, however the insomnia starts to kick in last night, couldn't sleep till 7 am this morning, as the result Sunday today is wasted:-(
Still on no PMO, but now comes flatline...
12. 2. 2018 Week #4:
Struggling with flatline/withdrawal the whole week, low libido and motivation. Sometimes i feel like the world is crumbling down on me, and I'm all alone, hard to breath and fall asleep, Wednesday night I was lying on the bed listening to motivational speech by David Goggins, all of certain I burst into tears cuz I can so relate to myself, enough is enough and I will keep on reminding myself there's always gonna be suffering before you get to other side. And yet I'm certain something back in my mind is changing for the better as I continue this journey.
This weekend I started traveling and going out again, started enjoy interact with real people especially the opposite sex, and just being in the nature. Looking forward to the new days ahead of me, and grind.
12. 09. 2018 Week #5:
Five weeks in, dick goes into hibernation mode, not much urge for P & M, which makes it easy to stay on this journey.
Going through hell and keep going. Working towards the dreams life and getting small things done one by one. Everyday is a bless.
New hobbies/daily routines:
1. Make my bed in the morning.
2. Listen to audible instead of music while driving.
3. Pick back up learning a new language.
4. Going to starbucks and be productive instead of staying at home doing none.
5. Daily exercise.
6. Cut back on social media, don't give a fuck about "likes".
7. Rekindle relationship with family and old friends.
8. Intermittent fasting (started a couple months ago)
12. 16. 2018 Week #6:
Notice the girls look much prettier now even the ones that I didn't find attractive before, and appreciate that natural beauty. Definitely feeling the chemistry during conversation.
Overall still struggling in flatline.
Motivation is crap, it only lasts for a brief moment, need to be disciplined and driven.
12. 23. 2018 Week #7:
Merry Christmas! Fellow no fappers.
Sleep has been improving. Libido is back, more energy throughout the day, also feeling horny and thinking about sex all the time.
I can clearly see myself start approaching girls in the near future cuz that burning desire is getting stronger so is my confidence. And PMO is simply not an option.
Just signed up for the half Ironman triathlon next June and started training as I am also going into war with myself and PMO addiction.
12. 30. 2018 Week #8:
Checking in...
Slept till noon in the past three days:-( But trained hard these days for the ironman 70.3, I have never been a runner in my life and suck at swimming/cycling, so I am tripling down my weakness, striving to reach to the state where body and mind connect, so that everything between me and my goal is going to get destroyed.
Burst into tears again watching some motivation speech late last night, it felt good as if a form of emotional release during reboot when depression and tension in the chest could easily eat you alive.
Need to focus on the nutrition next and get out to make friends with people who also has positive energy.
01. 06. 2019 Week #9:
Two months in, and going strong.
Happy New Year!!
The ability to focus on subject has increased, I can now be in the coffee shop and study for 3+ hours while maintaining high level of concentration. The interaction with colleagues is also improved.
I am doing everything I can think of to become a better myself, sometimes even wonder who is this person I am turning into? If I am not going forward I will explode.
Watched the movie "limitless" last night and I could so relate to.
Depression and anxiety occasionally creeps in especially before falling asleep, I have to remind myself to focus on the positive things and the bright future lies beyond this journey.
01.13.2019 Week #10:
Energy is through the roof, really got into the endurance sports lately.
Need to channel these insane extra energy into something creative and the driving force to step outside the comfort zone.
So far I am well on track and reached my second longest streak. Still got the urges towards instant gratification, but they come and go, each time I look at it as a battle I gotta win.
01.20.2019 Week #11:
Still haven't had a wet dream yet, which is good, there is no worrying about it.
The past Wednesday 1.16.2019 I donated blood for the first time, felt quite happy about this type of giving, unlike jerking off. My body actually recovered pretty quickly thanks for semen retention and healthy diet.
Focused on the training for ironman these days, not much success and interaction with girls, living like a monk. But that's OK cuz I know i'm strong and happy from within.
Notice the room is always clean and organized, just something you do if you're disciplined.
Plan to get up early and hit the swimming pool everyday.
01.27.2019 Week #12:
Struggling to improve swimming these days, trying to hit the pool as much as I can.
Starting to monitor my heart rate during training, the energy and stamina from nofap is incredible, but the body needs to keep up.
Not getting much "deep sleep" every night concerns me a bit, wondering if it's due to being always mentally geared up from prolonged sexual abstinence, realizing this is hindering my physical recovery:-(
No PMO journal continues... right now I am just hanging there.
02.03.2019 Week #13:
90 days no PMO is here... Cheers!
Honestly I am on the edge of relapse to PMO right now since mid this week. Part of me wants that instant high so bad, the urge to watch porn came back with vengeance mixed with that "use it or lose it" mentality is making it really hard to focus.
The other part of me knows with certainty that jerking off to a screen of other people having sex is so unnatural and pathetic, going back to that I will never be the best version I can. Can't imagine how badly I would beat myself up if I were to relapse, NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!!
Been hitting the pool swimming everyday this week, the progress is real. Also excited to return to crossfit community next week, the main focus, however, is still training for Ironman.
