Author Topic: 70 Day streak then slow motion car crash  (Read 238 times)

jayboy

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70 Day streak then slow motion car crash
« on: May 19, 2017, 07:54:45 AM »
Hello folks.
After 70 day's of complete abstention (except occasionally with my wife), I have stumbled and feel completely broken. Anyone who happened to read my last thread would understand that I changed the servers of my isp to Open DNS Family settings. This should block all P from entering my family network. All seemed to be going swimmingly. BUT...  Then Day 70 happened.
First of all, I viewed swimwear material and found myself rubbing myself. This only lasted for a couple of minutes, then I stopped when I came to my senses. For a week, I was a good boy again, no indulging in fantasies, M , Edging or PMO. I then looked at the swimwear page again and didn't feel so bad as it was only a fleeting glimpse.
However....... Today my wife has gone to lunch with some of her friends and I stupidly decided to test the technology that was blocking P...... I found that it only worked intermittently. Use your imagination for the rest.  :-[
I now feel completely broken and shamefully vulnerable to my own weaknesses. So after allowing myself a small moment for reflection, I have decided to start from scratch.
I am leaving the router settings in place as I (although with good intentions) scratched off the router password when I originally changed the settings(No, I didn't scratch off the WIFI password. That would be silly). So I cannot change again anyway unless I reset router. So I must do this without the protection, or supposed protection from the technology out there. Just some true grit and determination.
Fearful of my own mind though I have decided to post on here at least every other day. I do have a problem with this however, as I don't want to be completely dependant on posting here as I do want to move on from my demons. However, I must focus on the here and now. It pains me even more so as I really thought that I had moved on from this. I feel Gutted... Truly Gutted.
Although... To end on a note of positivity.... I went 70 Day's at the last attempt. This time I must be capable of smashing this demon well and truly away for good.
Thank you.... Wish me luck folks....
James
« Last Edit: May 19, 2017, 07:57:58 AM by jayboy »

Nikola Numez

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Re: 70 Day streak then slow motion car crash
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2017, 10:24:02 AM »
good luck have fun
My Last Relapse - 16. Sep. 2017

Fear of rejection... hmmm interesting.

Web100

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Re: 70 Day streak then slow motion car crash
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2017, 02:22:53 PM »
70 days is an incredible achievement mate and one that many us can only dream about. Addiction tricks our minds into doing stupid things.
Next time you will be even better!

jayboy

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Re: 70 Day streak then slow motion car crash
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2017, 03:09:24 AM »
Good Morning Everyone.
I woke up today feeling more positive than yesterday. I am still reeling from yesterdays episode, but feel more relaxed.
Web100. Thank you, it was something that I felt that I could not achieve back in February. So yes that was some streak. Before I started on this forum, I never managed more than a couple of weeks without M. However, I now know that I must not even contemplate testing myself.  Or rely on technology, as I want this gone for good.
Football is today. My beloved Millwall is at Wembley, 15.00 kick off. So I better shake a leg and get moving.
To one and all. Have a great weekend.
James.

jayboy

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Re: 70 Day streak then slow motion car crash
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2017, 01:23:13 AM »
Day 3 of new run.
Wake up feeling good. No other thoughts than what the day ahead holds....
Off to work soon... Another day in paradise......  :D