Author Topic: Starting today, day 0  (Read 429 times)

Dico888

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2017, 03:10:59 AM »
Day 15:
(I'm from Europe, so +7 hours ahead. My sleep schedule is good, but it may look like I've been posting at 3AM most of the times  ;D)


This night around 12AM I didn't really relapse, only M'd for a minute or so, trying to make it hard (no deathgrip or any thoughts), should really stop that. Didn't O though, or even get close to it.
Gonna need more focus and more distraction when the moments come. MW around 90%.

Also forgot to put down the last 2 weeks; I have been getting a big amount of insomnia. I have been waking up every 2-3 hours at night, constantly. Hit the bed at 12AM, wake up at 3AM, then 5AM, then 7AM, then completly awake at 8AM. I understand that 8 hours is enough sleep, and I can function with that, but it's the waking up at night that really destroys me. At some moments in the night when I wake up, it feels I can't sleep anymore, but eventually will.

Even on days I have no work, I hit the bed around 1AM, and normally I could sleep until 1PM (yes 12 hours easily.) Now I wake up at 7 or 8, completely awake. Damn you brain!  :(
« Last Edit: May 17, 2017, 05:44:26 AM by Dico888 »

Dico888

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #26 on: May 19, 2017, 10:12:28 AM »
Day 17:

Going good. Still no PMO. Still have huge problems with insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night. Also a little obsessed with checking if everything works downstairs. I feel it is really putting me back in the reboot process. Can't get above 60%, like there's a block. Probably mental, feels physical. Need to give it some time before checking again.

Have to remind myself now, no more checking until the 25th. It's kinda luring me into MO.

Tonight a date with a friend of mine, if the moment comes I will probably open up to her about this shit. Let's see how that goes   :-\

Beside this all, not feeling nervous or anxious. Kinda laid back. Feeling good.

daily reminder to self: the process is non-linear  ;)   ;)

Max3

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #27 on: May 19, 2017, 11:25:43 AM »
You're doing well, continue this way!

Dico888

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #28 on: May 20, 2017, 03:29:20 AM »
Thanks Max!  :D

Day 18:

Woke up with little MW. Bit hungover and really want to MO and even some P (first time in the 18 days I have a big urge for this, probably because of the hangover).
Not gonna waste those 18 days though, but damn the feeling is strong!  ;D

Nothing special to report though. 3 more days for 3-week mark! Letsgo!

-edit-: I am really being tested at the moment. Constant flashes of P, constantly thinking about masturbation. When I was working out this afternoon I didn't think of P luckily, but since then, even if I find some distraction I still can't seem to stop the thoughts.
Nothing bad really if you ask me. Kinda have to laugh a bit, that it's like a fight with yourself. My brain telling me like "Oh man, that video was the bomb, remember that? You should watch it again"

So yea, today is the first day I'm feeling some heavy withdrawal symptoms. But I'm all up for it. Feeling good, feeling secure. Time to win this battle ::)
« Last Edit: May 20, 2017, 10:16:45 AM by Dico888 »

Max3

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #29 on: May 20, 2017, 11:42:44 AM »
Now it's the moment to fight and have patience.

Dico888

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #30 on: May 21, 2017, 04:11:03 AM »
Day 19:

Feels like im 13 again. All morning porn, sex, porn, porn. Only thoughts about that. It's so strong. M'd a bit for about 1 minute, got 75% hard. Should not have done that, but sweet Marie  the thoughts are real and strong.
Really have to focus myself, because despite I want to MO right now, deep inside I do NOT want that.

Had an easy first 2 weeks, but now I understand all those stories about people relapsing etc. The urge is real, damn....

-edit-:

Evening now, suddenly feeling very down. Big mood swings. Also need to work on my beer problem. I simply drink too much, that can't help I'm sure (not that I have a bigger urge to PMO when intoxicated/drunk like most people, more that I just drink too much too often, and it feels it's interfering with my rebooting process). Just feeling so emotional all of the sudden.
Will not drink until Friday, will be hard with the rebooting etc, but something needs to change.

Need to write this down, maybe it can help me later  :)
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 12:55:12 PM by Dico888 »

Max3

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #31 on: May 21, 2017, 02:05:52 PM »
Maybe too much changes at once can be too hard but I support you.

Dico888

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Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #32 on: Today at 11:09:37 AM »
Hi Max, yeah, if I feel it's getting too hard for me to quit PMO and quitting alcohol at the same time, I always just give myself 1 beer. No need to make it too hard for myself, rebooting is tough enough.

Day 20:

This fucking fly kept me up for 4 hours, but I also think my insomnia had something to do with it.
Nevertheless woke up with MW, 95-100%. The dream I had was sexual, but not like porn/hardcore shit or w/e. Just an intimate dream, but I can't really remember what it was about.

All day feeling a bit anxious. Also no libido. Don't feel like watching P or to MO or sex for that matter.
But not feeling down or anything, just nervous for some reason.

Tomorrow 3-week mark.  ::)