Author Topic: Starting today, day 0  (Read 6622 times)

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2017, 03:10:59 AM »
Day 15:
(I'm from Europe, so +7 hours ahead. My sleep schedule is good, but it may look like I've been posting at 3AM most of the times  ;D)


This night around 12AM I didn't really relapse, only M'd for a minute or so, trying to make it hard (no deathgrip or any thoughts), should really stop that. Didn't O though, or even get close to it.
Gonna need more focus and more distraction when the moments come. MW around 90%.

Also forgot to put down the last 2 weeks; I have been getting a big amount of insomnia. I have been waking up every 2-3 hours at night, constantly. Hit the bed at 12AM, wake up at 3AM, then 5AM, then 7AM, then completly awake at 8AM. I understand that 8 hours is enough sleep, and I can function with that, but it's the waking up at night that really destroys me. At some moments in the night when I wake up, it feels I can't sleep anymore, but eventually will.

Even on days I have no work, I hit the bed around 1AM, and normally I could sleep until 1PM (yes 12 hours easily.) Now I wake up at 7 or 8, completely awake. Damn you brain!  :(
« Last Edit: May 17, 2017, 05:44:26 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #26 on: May 19, 2017, 10:12:28 AM »
Day 17:

Going good. Still no PMO. Still have huge problems with insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night. Also a little obsessed with checking if everything works downstairs. I feel it is really putting me back in the reboot process. Can't get above 60%, like there's a block. Probably mental, feels physical. Need to give it some time before checking again.

Have to remind myself now, no more checking until the 25th. It's kinda luring me into MO.

Tonight a date with a friend of mine, if the moment comes I will probably open up to her about this shit. Let's see how that goes   :-\

Beside this all, not feeling nervous or anxious. Kinda laid back. Feeling good.

daily reminder to self: the process is non-linear  ;)   ;)




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Max3

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 81
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #27 on: May 19, 2017, 11:25:43 AM »
You're doing well, continue this way!

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #28 on: May 20, 2017, 03:29:20 AM »
Thanks Max!  :D

Day 18:

Woke up with little MW. Bit hungover and really want to MO and even some P (first time in the 18 days I have a big urge for this, probably because of the hangover).
Not gonna waste those 18 days though, but damn the feeling is strong!  ;D

Nothing special to report though. 3 more days for 3-week mark! Letsgo!

-edit-: I am really being tested at the moment. Constant flashes of P, constantly thinking about masturbation. When I was working out this afternoon I didn't think of P luckily, but since then, even if I find some distraction I still can't seem to stop the thoughts.
Nothing bad really if you ask me. Kinda have to laugh a bit, that it's like a fight with yourself. My brain telling me like "Oh man, that video was the bomb, remember that? You should watch it again"

So yea, today is the first day I'm feeling some heavy withdrawal symptoms. But I'm all up for it. Feeling good, feeling secure. Time to win this battle ::)
« Last Edit: May 20, 2017, 10:16:45 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Max3

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 81
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #29 on: May 20, 2017, 11:42:44 AM »
Now it's the moment to fight and have patience.

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #30 on: May 21, 2017, 04:11:03 AM »
Day 19:

Feels like im 13 again. All morning porn, sex, porn, porn. Only thoughts about that. It's so strong. M'd a bit for about 1 minute, got 75% hard. Should not have done that, but sweet Marie  the thoughts are real and strong.
Really have to focus myself, because despite I want to MO right now, deep inside I do NOT want that.

Had an easy first 2 weeks, but now I understand all those stories about people relapsing etc. The urge is real, damn....

-edit-:

Evening now, suddenly feeling very down. Big mood swings. Also need to work on my beer problem. I simply drink too much, that can't help I'm sure (not that I have a bigger urge to PMO when intoxicated/drunk like most people, more that I just drink too much too often, and it feels it's interfering with my rebooting process). Just feeling so emotional all of the sudden.
Will not drink until Friday, will be hard with the rebooting etc, but something needs to change.

Need to write this down, maybe it can help me later  :)
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 12:55:12 PM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Max3

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 81
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #31 on: May 21, 2017, 02:05:52 PM »
Maybe too much changes at once can be too hard but I support you.

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #32 on: May 22, 2017, 11:09:37 AM »
Hi Max, yeah, if I feel it's getting too hard for me to quit PMO and quitting alcohol at the same time, I always just give myself 1 beer. No need to make it too hard for myself, rebooting is tough enough.

Day 20:

This fucking fly kept me up for 4 hours, but I also think my insomnia had something to do with it.
Nevertheless woke up with MW, 95-100%. The dream I had was sexual, but not like porn/hardcore shit or w/e. Just an intimate dream, but I can't really remember what it was about.

All day feeling a bit anxious. Also no libido. Don't feel like watching P or to MO or sex for that matter.
But not feeling down or anything, just nervous for some reason.

Tomorrow 3-week mark.  ::)




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #33 on: May 23, 2017, 01:36:34 AM »
Day 21: 3 weeks!

Okay, so I woke up around 6AM today, because of MW. It was 100% again it just woke me up. Fell asleep and woke up around 8AM again MW 100%.

However this time it just wouldn't even go away. Stayed hard for like 15 minutes and with the tiniest touch it gets hard again, and even when I'm walking it get's hard a bit. This is a good thing of course, everything works downstairs, but now I got all this sexual tension(?), and can't seem to lose it anywhere (I dont have a partner). I am feeling very aroused (to put it nicely, i'm simply very horny) and really need to do something to clear my head.

When I was laying in bed around 8AM, it stayed hard, but I kept it in my hand to make sure it stayed hard after the first 5 minutes, with small soft grips sometimes; have to add this before I forget in the future.

Anyways, I'm happy with these results. Just need to find a way to get rid of this hornyness before it lures me into something.

--

Now I'm asking you guys, what does this mean in the rebooting process? I never had it like this.  ??? Or is it just my brain giving everything to get me into PMO, because I have to say, it's an effective move. Really have to put my focus somewhere else.

-edit-: So small update. Just checked if everything is working in the shower(i had it planned the 23th, 6 days after last).
Can say it was a success at the least. Minimum stimulation, got to 120% or more  :o. Not gonna say it hurt, but felt cramps a bit (in a good way, all the blood probably), never hit this hard of an erection before. It would also not go away, when it went back to 80%, just a simple touch would be enough. I can honestly say I'm making HUGE! improvements.

No thoughts of P were needed, and I had no intention to O. It would be a waste to throw all that progress away. Took me about 1 minute, but then again as you can read above this, I have been so aroused all day.

3 weeks in, seeing HUGE improvements! Very satisfied with results so far.

-

Tried (last time) again this evening. Sat behind the PC and got 100% within a minute through stimulation alone (slow stimulation). Stayed hard for a few minutes, then saw the name of a girl I like, and boom, hello there PA. Went 50% quickly. I could just feel the blood going to my brain (anxiety I guess). Went to the bathroom and got it up again with some soft M, but took at least 2 minutes and really had to put my mind somewhere else.

REALLY starting to think my lack of experience and 5 years not sex are giving me one hell of a PA, to the point I'm doubting I even have PIED. Despite this, time to hit the 4-week mark. Also won't test my boner again until 29th of May.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2017, 04:47:31 PM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #34 on: May 23, 2017, 04:50:08 PM »
Also would really appreciate if anyone else has experience with this (especially the part where I went to 50% after seeing this girls name) or maybe that it sounds familiar and has any advice on this. This is all complete new ground for me and could really use some answers.

Thanks in advance all!




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #35 on: May 24, 2017, 09:06:09 AM »
Day 22:

While working out today I kinda noticed something. I have so much more motivation and energy the past 2 weeks. I'm going almost everyday and barely have any problems with it. Normally I would easily find excuses. Anyway, not sure if I can link this to no-PMO, but I have so much more motivation to go.

Today is a normal day, no urge for PMO whatsoever. Feeling very good also.




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #36 on: May 25, 2017, 02:50:05 AM »
Day 23:

Still going through this fairly easily (since day 21). Woke up in the night with some MW, think it was 90%.
A bit hungover as I already have weekend, but despite this I have no intention to PMO whatsoever, also completely 0 libido and sex drive.  God forbid I'm entering the flatline now  :-\ it doesn't feel great.

I feel like being very productive today, so lets begin this day!

Also I have been waking up sooo early the past 2 weeks. Normally I would easily oversleep before work and come in late, not once the past 2 weeks. Even today, I went to bed around 1AM, and woke up completely awake at 9AM, where as normally I would wake up atleast around 1PM. Slight insomnia around 4:40AM, but fell asleep quickly after that. I have so much more energy, normally I could sleep 12 hours a day and still feel exhausted.  8) 8)

The more I post here, the more I'm grateful for this website and the people on it giving advises.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2017, 05:57:36 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #37 on: May 26, 2017, 03:01:14 AM »
Day 24:

No urge for PMO, not even sex. Maybe it's the flatline after 3 weeks or so.

Did M a tiny little bit this morning when I woke up, but only slight stimulation and was around 75-80% hard and couldn't get more, until I noticed I was simply M'ing, then stopped.
I wasn't even aroused or anything, don't know why I did that. I think because my dick was so super tiny, just checking if it would still work.

Also feeling down again, when there shouldn't be any reason for it. It's nice weather, it's hot.. so time to overthrow this fucked up feeling  8)
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:06:13 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #38 on: May 27, 2017, 02:24:10 AM »
Day 25:

So the insomnia is getting better. Don't wake up 4-6 times at night anymore, but I do wake up pretty early (for me) but this is usually after 7,5-9 hours of sleep.

Some MW in the early morning as usual, probably about 90-95%.

Got some radio-silence for over several days with a girl I really liked and of which I know it is/was mutual. Another one because of my fear of ED. Damnit.. this really fucks me up!  :-\

Ahwell, lets see what this day brings us
« Last Edit: May 27, 2017, 02:33:24 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

anant1987

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 53
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #39 on: May 27, 2017, 05:54:58 AM »
Also would really appreciate if anyone else has experience with this (especially the part where I went to 50% after seeing this girls name) or maybe that it sounds familiar and has any advice on this. This is all complete new ground for me and could really use some answers.

Thanks in advance all!


So  I did go to a doctor and according to hi our threshold for an erection is very high due to frequent P. Also since you havent been with someone for the last 5 years there is bound to be anxiety. I am a virgin and the only opportunity I got I wasnt able to get hard enough to penetrate. Also I think we gave up trying too easily. So the doc told be to take a very mild erection medication and have sex. Havent done this as yet. As right after the doctors visit I came on a vacation. Also have thought about waiting at least a month of no PMO before being physical. Will try towards the end of June.

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2017, 02:07:58 AM »
Day 27:

Nothing special to report. Tomorrow 4-week mark. Still no urge to PMO.




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #41 on: May 30, 2017, 02:16:01 AM »
Day 28, finally made it to 4 weeks:

Woke up around 5AM, completely awake with MW about 70%. So annoying that I keep waking up. After 1 hour fell asleep again and woke up around 8AM (9 hours sleep), good enough for me.

Again,  I don't feel like PMO or sex or anything. I think the flatline is hitting in, at least I hope as it is an important step in the rebooting afaik. But it's a scary feeling nevertheless. Feels like my dick will never be hard again and I never want to have sex, or I dunno. It's a new feeling and we'll see how long it takes. I hope not too long :(

It also kinda, not scares me, but makes me a bit worried that I barely had any urge to watch P or no urge to MO or relapse you know (beside Day 21 and one other day in the beginning). This is of course a good thing, but it sometimes makes me think my problem is different than other people, and I don't know if that is a good thing or not.

Maybe I wasn't that addicted to P as I thought, but I watched shitloads and shit went hardcore.. Watched at least 6 times a week and MO'd while doing so. Sometimes two times a day.(before finding Rebootnation etc)
So there must be some kind of P-addiction. Ahwell, maybe I'm overthinking again.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2017, 05:55:04 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Big H

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 230
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #42 on: May 30, 2017, 04:48:44 PM »
You're never safe. You'll have moments when you think you're not addicted but then that urge will come back. Once an addict always an addict.

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #43 on: May 31, 2017, 02:06:33 AM »
I'll keep that in mind Big H, thanks.

Day 29:

Maybe I'm writing my journal's too early (around 9AM). Will update atleast 1 time in the evening if anything special happens.

3 times midnight wood, waking me up. All 3 100%. The beast is unleashed  ???
Helping someone move today, so probably no urges

-edit-

So today was a pretty long day, but didn't think of PMO once. Do feel more tired everyday, but that's a good thing, could use a good sleep schedule  :)

Also watching some video's of Noah B.E. Church which are pretty good, seems like a nice guy with very good advice.

Lastly, for a first time in years, I kinda feel a (still small, but nevertheless) need for intimacy. It feels like this feeling was kinda blocked or numbed by porn, but for at least a week I'm actively looking for some female contact, and I don't mean sex, don't even want to have sex or PMO at the moment, just the company of a girl. I have some female friends, exactly that, friends, but never wanted to get intimate with any them (probably also because of my PIED and the fact we share mutual friends). I find it hard to express this as I can't really find the words, English isn't my main language. Hope you get me.

Anyways, I'm happy for this feeling, I really am. Normally porn would fill this hole for the last years, but looking back the past few days, I see I'm much more active in this. It only struck me now.

Feels good, feels like progress.  :)
« Last Edit: May 31, 2017, 03:23:19 PM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

anant1987

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 53
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #44 on: May 31, 2017, 06:06:53 PM »
Good going on the no PMO. Congrats for making it to 4 weeks. Been following your post regularly. Get a lot of inspiration from them.

So you mentioned you get morning wood and that you feel like you entered flatline. Can you share what you've been feeling in flatline. I mean you do get morning wood. But you dont have any urges to PMO or MO. But do you wish you had a girl with whom you could have done stuff with. Also shave you got wood during the day when you're going about your daily work?


Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #45 on: June 01, 2017, 02:21:34 AM »
Hey anant, thanks again for the reply!

Good going on the no PMO. Congrats for making it to 4 weeks. Been following your post regularly. Get a lot of inspiration from them.

So you mentioned you get morning wood and that you feel like you entered flatline. Can you share what you've been feeling in flatline. I mean you do get morning wood.

Yes, I get MW almost everyday. Sometimes it does feel I'm entering the flatline, yeah. Not sure what to expect of it, never had it before, but when I'm (or when I think I'm) in it, my D is just tiny, I feel totally 0 urge to PMO, I feel no interest in sex whatsoever, and some moments I feel like this will stay this way, but I know these thoughts are not real, I also had anxiety shit back in 2014, so I know a thing or two about "making up disaster scenarios", as my therapist called it.

But do you wish you had a girl with whom you could have done stuff with.

Not anything sexual related by default, at least not at this moment. Just being together with a girl you really like, it feels I just missed (lets call it avoided) that for years because of my PIED. And I filled that with PMO, but now that there's not more PMO, I feel there is a hole.

This is also because you have to work on your future, on a better you. Staying away from PMO only and never MO again only is abstinence, not rebooting. I will add an article later today, couldn't find it so fast because I have work in 10 minutes, but I'll add it in a few hours.
Also shave you got wood during the day when you're going about your daily work?

No I never had a spontanious erection yet, but then again I'm 28 and as Gabe Deem put it, most adults have boner control. I think I am one of them.
Sometimes I do feel I'm going to 30-40% hard, but then I just think of something boring etc and it will go away.

Thanks again for reading my journal and I'm happy it gives you some inspiration man.

--

Day 30:

So 30-day mark and my body celebrated it with my very first (since 14 years at least) wet dream around 4AM! And I shit you not I was out of clean underwear, so laundry boxers for today ;D
I can't remember the dream, if it was sexual or not. I couldn't feel myself O'ing (have to read if this is normal or not), I just woke up feeling I wet myself in bed, but I can assure you that wasn't it.

After reading some articles, it's quite common for a wet dream to not feel an orgasm. This is because ejaculation and orgasms are two different things. During sex they almost come at the same time, but with a wet dream it is common to only ejaculate without an orgasm.

Also midnight wood before the WD (they always wake me up),  and when I woke up around 9AM, also 90% MW.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2017, 06:09:50 AM by Dico888 »




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #46 on: June 02, 2017, 06:17:27 AM »
Day 31:

Nothing really new to report. But I'm really wondering when I will flatlining. It seems to be up and down for me, but from most people I read that it's a long period ranging from 2 - 8 weeks.

After the wet dream, I almost overslept this morning! However I did wake up around 4:25. It seems there is a link to no ejaculation and waking up early I guess.
Also, on days my D isn't all shrimpled up and tiny, it's actually bigger when flaccid, which is good for me. It amazed me a bit.

Anyways, 31 FUCKING days!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Let's hit 60!




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

anant1987

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 53
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #47 on: June 02, 2017, 08:12:14 AM »
Day 31:

Nothing really new to report. But I'm really wondering when I will flatlining. It seems to be up and down for me, but from most people I read that it's a long period ranging from 2 - 8 weeks.

After the wet dream, I almost overslept this morning! However I did wake up around 4:25. It seems there is a link to no ejaculation and waking up early I guess.
Also, on days my D isn't all shrimpled up and tiny, it's actually bigger when flaccid, which is good for me. It amazed me a bit.

Anyways, 31 FUCKING days!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;

Let's hit 60!

Maybe it is the flatline.

I noticed that all of a sudden my dick was bigger when flaccid and also when erect. Was really happy about it. Think this is the time I may have gotten out of the first flatline. During this time was really horny and would get erections while talking with my girl. Not a 100% but 40-50%.

But then I feel I went back into flatline and my D shriveled up again. As of now I'm a little anxious and waiting to get out of flatline. But they do say progress is no linear. Hope this is what is goin on.

Dico888

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 228
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #48 on: June 03, 2017, 05:38:17 AM »
Day 32:

Hungover as fuck! Okay, so this morning everything was all well, but got triggered by some images I saw and now I really need to find distraction. Not that I have a big urge to watch P and MO, but it's there a bit. Not gonna do it, but want it a bit. Hangovers really make it harder to reboot.

Can remember some midnight wood.

So nothing really to say, only that that image really triggered me and suddenly all I can think of is P, also feeling aroused because of this of course. But not triggered enough to PMO ;)




"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet"

Big H

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 230
    • View Profile
Re: Starting today, day 0
« Reply #49 on: June 04, 2017, 04:09:12 PM »
There seems to be a common theme. You getting drunk and urges happening