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Messages - jags18

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: October 15, 2015, 09:33:42 AM »
Guys!! on 1st week it was ok, but later on following days and weeks, I had many slips and one setback! and with that I'm truly disappointed with my effect. Even though, I've deleted all my PORN stash, I'm not able to take my mind off from that bloody thing! It keeps popping on and off all the time and though I think about RN simultaneously but the dopamine effect way too strong for me which forces me gave in finally by watching P online but NOT downloading and saving it into my HDD as I did earlier.  Hence, I've removed my counter for the time being. Your suggestions are welcome, guys, what would be the right counter for me to set?? becos I can hardly hold on for a week and that's it!

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 23, 2015, 08:00:17 AM »
Yeah!! :) Reached my mini milestone without P for a week, Looking forward for more exciting days ahead.
Patience is the KEY! Take - Minute by Minute - Hour by Hour - Day by Day - Week by Week - Month by Month - Year by Year to overcome Porn addiction and to Quit Porn!



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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 22, 2015, 01:05:37 AM »
Thanks CarloGualvez for your encouraging words and Sure enough Leon, Its a different kind of feeling and I can't express it in words. Exactly, even I felt the same way when my wife is not around or she is in other room, my mind will be tempted to watch P from my stash every now and then by closing the room door but not locked as if in auto pilot. I'm conscious of what I'm doing but couldn't controlled it and all this was happening when I'm accessing from my desktop but very rarely from my laptop. But, today, I'm posting right from my desktop computer with my room door kept opened 8). Thanks guys once again.     

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 21, 2015, 02:09:47 PM »
Hi Leon, 1qqq1, CarloGualvez & hopeful, I'm really moved by your encouraging words and support. Thank you guys for your response. Honestly, I'm lost for words but one thing is for sure, I'm heading towards the right direction by deleting those junk pics and videos.  But, I want to tell you something it's not easy as one can imagine just like that to delete it and I was able to delete it because I wasn't watching any videos or pics from my hard disk for at least 3 to 4 months and detached myself which helped me preventing from downloading and to overcome my temptation and urge to grab anything into my hard disk. But, I was still watching regularly online during that period minus downloading. Anyway, this is a Good Riddance!! :)     

Again, this are all early days and I've to be on my toes all the time and to safe guard my mind. Initially, its going to be very very tough and challenging road ahead. Keep supporting!!

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 20, 2015, 02:55:38 AM »
Thanks Leon and eds125 for your support and encouraging words. Yes! Definitely very challenging and courageous decision too. I've gone through many sleepless nights...what to do with that stash and when to get rid of it? This is something like holding a tiger's tail, if you try to leave it.. the tiger will eat you and on the other hand you can't hold on forever. Even, this kind of thoughts ran through my mind if something happens to me and what if someone find's the junk stuff.

In fact, I showed all my stuff to my wife as a proof and witness saying that I'm truly deleting and want to change as a new leaf. Now, after getting rid of that junk all my worries are gone forever.  Now I can live in peace.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 20, 2015, 02:22:32 AM »
Thanks Leon for your support and encouragement.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 19, 2015, 12:22:53 AM »
Thanks sodonewithit for your encouraging words and motivation and for sharing your link.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 19, 2015, 12:17:51 AM »
Thanks hopeful for your motivation and encouraging words. As you mentioned, it's dopamine rush got to be handled carefully and smartly. So far so good, its just 2 days only and my craving will be more once I'm close to a week or 10 days. I was able to hold on for 10 days maximum and that too after visiting RN. Before that, hardly I can hold on for 3 to 5 days, that's it! 

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Hi Kurall_Creator,

Thanks for your advice and invaluable suggestion. Sure, I will take that and as you said I'm not going to compare and compete with anyone. I'm going to compete with one person and that's ME.

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Ages 40 and up / My 569GB of Porn..Going Going Gone!!
« on: September 18, 2015, 07:48:54 AM »
Hello Guys,

This is my 2nd posting on a different topic. Earlier, I have posted on Jags Journal. Please go there if you want to know more about me.  My subject says it all.. Yes! I did it after very very long struggle and in dilemma whether to safe guard my precious data of 569GB PORN which I have collected over the last 10 years. Finally, I have DELETED data from my HDD and did a Full Format and replaced it with my lovely Family Album Pics and Videos on September 17th. With that, Weeds removed and Sowed in with Beautiful Flower Seeds.

What a turn around! I used to hide my 569GB of 1TB hard disk. But, after this rapid fire action, my hard disk is sitting with pride on top of my desktop table instead of hidden in one of those shelves. Anyway, here comes a biggest challenge for me in the next following days and weeks. There is still fear in me as I can hold on without P for max of 10 days. So, my fellow friends and brothers I need your support to go a long way and for PORN free Life!!   

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I'm overwhelmed with the situation I'm in. What a misery? Once again I cave in within 3 days. My urge has become even stronger to see Porn! Ever since, I opened up this journal, I was able to hold on for 10 long days ONCE , then after I hardly withstand for 5 days. Once again, I'm back to square one but I will never give up and sure to come back and visit every single day to RN forum over and over again!
I want to become addict to RN not to PORN

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Thanks Jimmy James for your moral support!

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Nooooooo....Not again :'(! Guys I had relapse yesterday night.. I don't know what happened and how it happened? I was alright all day long and as well as in the evening.  In fact, I saw a movie which has nothing to do with nudity, no porn, its just an action movie that's it! But, I'm not sure what has triggered my mind to have a brain storm later that night. I believe, one particular image of naked women was popping into my mind over and over again and the urge to see that image again over the internet. At that moment, you know what I did? I immediately changed my K9 web protection filter to monitor from default mode and then closed the tabs of YBOP and Rebootnation sites which I kept it open all day long and replaced it with the damn porn sites. I knew and very much aware that I'm heading towards danger zone. But, I couldn't stop it. Moreover, my thoughts ran like this "what's wrong if I watch it for an hour or so" but guys you know what happened I watched all kinds of gibberish porn sites for good 5 to 6 hrs all night long and with this spoiled my good night sleep :(. Hence, I'm resetting both my PMO and MO counters back to 0 after holding on nearly for 10 days which I never did it before in my life! So, I felt there is some progress is go on. However, I had to wait and see for next couple of weeks!
Very unpredictable this human mind!

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I recently watched the new movie The Fault in Our Stars and one of my favorite lines was “a picture of something is not the thing itself.” A picture might say a thousand words, but it can never love you back.
I picket up this words from one of Gabe interviews and which are very true!

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Reporting..So far, so Good!

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Thanks 53nomorepmo, for your encouragement and for all much needed support from you!

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Hooray! :)Atlast, I made it.. successfully completed my 1st week of "NO" to PMO'd without much hassle and with that I'm extending my journey to the 2nd Week.  But, on the other hand, I have to reset my counter to 0 for MO. I couldn't get enough sleep during night. I'm forced to act out and climaxed as some P images bombarded my mind all through the night. Therefore, this has been a mixed week for me.
Patience is the KEY! Take - Minute by Minute - Hour by Hour - Day by Day - Week by Week - Month by Month - Year by Year to overcome Porn addiction and to Quit Porn!

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Thanks 53nomorepmo for your reply, as you said, tons of P available online and can be download anytime too.  but one can easily delete P in hdd, but not able to do so, maybe plenty of precious time involved and some money too being poured into the collections. Anyway, I have crossed a crucial hurdle of Day 5 and I am on Day 6 and verge of completing my 1st week of PMO :). I believe in myself as a mini milestone achieved upon completion.

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Greetings!!

Its really amazing to read and come across so many stories and there personal experiences sharing in RN's forum. Its Day 5 and I am already feeling some kind of discomfort and restlessness ???. Because, generally, my resistance of PMO snaps during 5th day or by 5th night. Right now, I am feeling some what ok but not fully confident. At night, when I woke up during the middle of sleep I immediately go into auto pilot mode as if my rational thinking is completely blocked. During this period, I am not able to think anything else and then turn on my computer - open my browser and bingo!! momentarily got what I want :-[..and then down and out and that it! my Day 5 will be over.. my countdown starts..

       

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Greetings CrazyGopher!

Thank you for your compliments and your words are like gold to me and so encouraging and motivating to me.  I am sure and confident just like you one day I will come out of that Fear Factor 8). Until then, dear friends, I need all the support and motivation to kept me going!!

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Hello Jimmy James!

Thankz for your reply.  What you said is absolutely right, even my wife said, "unless you delete the whole thing you can't come out of this", she is very understandable, caring, loving wife, she backs me up during my dark period. But, this is FYI the stuff in my portable hard disk which I have saved and safe guarded for many many years which consist of 488 GB out of 1TB :-\. to be precise.  I have deleted some part of it but not the whole lot. Still I am not able to do so as I have fear somewhere inside me. What will happen if I do it in a rush of blood? Buddy, Yes! its pretty straight forward and easy to say but in practical its extremely tough going.  But honestly, I have considerably reduced watching porn from my hard disk and even now I have checked the data to see how much data I have collected over the years and instantly disconnected and removed from my laptop just to post it the facts and figures for you. Is there any other way out from the back door.. apart from deleting the "junk stuff". 

I have been in this forum since January 29, 2015, 07:13:03 PM and been observing what is going on inside rebootnation.org forum and finally I am really tempted and motivated to post my 1st own journal and join my fellow bros and buddies!  Already I started getting some positive vibrations and energy building up inside me.. Hope this continues a long way..

Great going buddy  :)!! for setting up your goals high and Good Luck!!

Thankz once again,

Jags.


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Hello Guys!

First of all, I would like to congratulate Mr.Gabe Deem and his team to start of a wonderful website to fight against our common enemy in PORN.  I am very much thrilled and excited to come across this site and thanks to YBOP for this and to find there is ray of hope for me just like everyone here.

About Me: I am 44 yrs old guy. I am married for 13 years with an understandable and very supportive wife and I have no kids yet.

My Flashback: Just like most of them here, to begin with, I have started of porn as a teenage boy with a softcore and hardcore magazines and masturbate! and from there drawn into new world of World Wide Web of internet.  In 1990s, after the arrival of internet, I upgraded myself to dial up connection as my excitement grew higher with tons of nude images and by 2000s (thankz to high speed internet) my journey went on to reach even newer heights of excitement and bringing me great joy in watching online streaming videos with tons of porn and tube sites and that includes too nasty and disgusting videos as one can ever imagine. Apart from watching, I have saved tons of videos and pics in a separate HDD.

Offline : At present, I have removed the HDD from my desktop and kept it away from my computer and that's about 7 to 8 months back to avoid watching porn videos and pics offline. Atleast, this will control my urge and temptation to download any such porn videos and pics. This is one BIG step I have taken and with this I hope and believed my intimate relationship will be over with porn movies. But, Alas! I have fallen back into the same shit and after few weeks I was tempted again to watch porn movies from my precious Hard disk collections. But, one encouraging part is that I used watch movies or pics and after I acted out I will immediately disconnect from my desktop and over time this habit has reduced me from watching porn offline. So far, I had orgasm offline 4 to 5 times in 7 to 8 months period which I felt personally a very good improvement. Before that, I used to watch almost everyday in and day out.

Online: Right now, I have installed K9 Web Protection software both in my desktop and laptop to avoid any temptation online. Inspite of web protection, I either uninstalled it or switch to monitor category. This is how my brain acts, initially for the first 2 days its ok, Day 3 some what uncomfortable, Day 4 very confusing what to do and Day 5 my resistance breaks and that it!!...I gave it in..  and after my PMO I feel terrible and why I have done it again? and this cycle is going on and on for very long time. To begin with, I have set my counter for 1 week (7 days) both  PMO & MO and I never went this far.  Honestly, quite frankly, I have a feeling right now, Do I really need to post my journal or not in rebootnation?? I am in such a dilemma but I need some serious change in my LIFE!!

Thankz!!

Jags..

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