Faptain America
Member
Hi there,
My name is... Joey... Joe Joe... Junior... Shabadu.
Clearly a Simpsons fan.
This isn't really day one for me. It's actually week four for me with two relapses. The first time I went ten days before I was overwhelmed by an urge to look at porn. More on that later. The second time I went 9 days. I almost didn't make it tonight but this website and YBOP helped me get through it.
I guess i'll start at the beginning.
The Beginning....
I saw my first porn magazine when I was eight. My sister and I went and bum-rushed our parent's bedroom one morning; I think it was mother's day or something. I was on my mom's side, my sister on my dad's. After some time (I forget how we noticed in the first place) we looked at my sister and my dad saw her giggling and looking at a magazine he had right next to the bed. He immediately picked it up and threw it against the wall where it landed in a pile with the rest of the mags.
I remember how his reaction fueled my curiosity to check out what the fuss was about when he wasn't around. I was with a friend and we explored together what had caused such a reaction from him. As it turns out and as I'm sure you guessed, they were porn magazines! Well... Needless to say my friend and I were very interested in these. At first they were just giggle material, but we found that the more we looked, the more our bodies responded to what we saw. These were the first stages of sexual awakening in my little body.
Soon after more friends were interested. Some of the older boys were interested too and we got a little physical with each other. Back then we thought we were having sex with each other but for the most part we were just playing out what we were seeing in the mags. It wasn't long before my parents caught on and started setting traps. Eventually I was caught and a very long and anxious conversation occurred about how porn is bad and I shouldn't look at it anymore. I of course said I wouldn't. We all know that didn't last long. I became master of the shadows. I was never caught again as a young boy. As a teenager, that's a different story. It's a funny story but irrelevant to the topic at hand. END BEGINNING.
The Middle...
When I was Thirteeeeeeen...... I had my very first orgasm...... I had it in the bathroom, to fantasies of hot girls.... with blond curls....
Anyways.
That's when it all started. I upgraded from dad's Mags to dad's Video Tapes. That's right. With a VCR. That's when I was first exposed to what anal sex was. I liked it immediately. Well, it was gross for about five minutes, but I never looked away. From then on I used porn on a daily basis whenever I could. I never masturbated excessively. I use that term loosely of course. I knew guys who would masturbate to porn 4-6 times a day at that age. I did it once, sometimes twice a day. Once I got my own computer it got easier for me to find and keep porn. Kazaa, Limewire, etc... Those were my best sources for video. I never had a shortage.
I had friends and family and all of that. I never felt that it was getting the better of me or that I wanted to jerk off more than have sex with a girl; porn was just much more available than girls were back then. I was a bit of an outcast at my high school. I was a good friend and a best friend; not so much a boyfriend. I attribute it to having an older personality. No senior wants to date a younger guy, even if he is more mature.
Fast forward to the end of high school. I was fried on school. I really didn't want to go to college yet. I took a year off. The problem was, no one else did. I found myself very lonely and without the means (i.e Driver's license) to find new ones. I had a stable job as a restaurant manager (good work for a 18/19 year old). I managed my depression with packages from amazon, online gaming, and porn. Between work and the other three things I made it through that tough year and hooked up with some former acquaintances who became good friends later. The porn came with me. END MIDDLE.
The End So Far...
**If you've been skimming up to this point you can start reading now. I promise it gets jucier... in a story development way...**
Okay. I met my wife when I was 20. She was my second serious girlfriend. She was always tolerant of my porn usage. She knew I looked and PMO'd frequently. I never masturbated more than once or twice a day. Usually only once. Throughout our relationship though I always felt a need to masturbate. Most times I wanted to PMO more than I wanted to have sex. Sometimes I would have sex and then an hour later PMO. I wasn't until maybe three or four years in that I made myself a rule that I wouldn't PMO on days that I had sex. Eventually I got used to this and it was fine. Not a big thing to give up since I already got some that day anyways.
The urge to PMO despite sex being available always struck me as weird; sort of an anomaly. I never read much into it other than the fact that I knew it was unusual. I had been to another forum and most people didn't know what to make of it. This was long before the idea that porn addiction is actually a real thing to watch out for. I would usually just put it in the back of my head. Sometimes I felt like maybe it meant I was in the wrong relationship; that maybe I just wasn't that into my wife at the time. I think it led to some rough patches we had in it's own way. It certainly stunted our sexual relationship. Of course this is all retrospection. I didn't know that at the time; I just thought I had a low sex drive. I no longer think that.
The last couple of years i've been making adjustments to my porn usage. I never thought I was addicted due to the fact that I never masturbated "excessively" (note the quotes this time), but I did feel like I could cut back. I felt like it was reducing the opportunities to have real sex with my wife so I tried stopping for a week. I made it the week without any sex/masturbation at all. After that week I felt like I hit the ceiling with my ejaculate (scary movie anybody?). I was going to try again for two weeks but never did. After that I made more rules that involved not masturbating on days where sex was possible. My wife would work late so I wouldn't see her at all some days. Those days it was okay to PMO. This was very successful and led to more opportunities for sex and general foolishness.
Once our schedule changed over I lost that routine and went back to old habits. I wasn't able to adjust. After a while I found the glory-hole of porn they call tumblr and I think that's where things started taking a turn for me. I was always a one-video kind of guy. I'd go looking for a video with something that I liked, masturbate, and be done; but now it was like a buffet of images and gifs and videos. I would lose hours at night looking through this stuff finding things that I liked. This led to that and I started getting into things I never thought I would like. I found things that made my prior tastes look like church... Well maybe not that far... but still. Things started escalating and I started going down the rabbit hole to places I didn't like and that's when I really started thinking about my usage.
I decided, what harm could taking a month off do? This time masturbation and sex were fine; just no porn. I could even look at bra/panties pics if I really needed to if I kept it to a minimum. Full circle. I made it 10 days with only one day masturbating to a sexy pic (not porn, just sexy) which I considered a successful run. On day eleven I relapsed. I had an urge and masturbated to the stuff I was masturbating to before. When I reached climax it was as if somebody got up off my shoulders. I felt a monumental wash of relief from my body. I don't think I ever experienced that feeling before in my life.
I made it another three days before I was overwhelmed with what I can only describe as the complete opposite of that relief. I felt a jolt of electricity so powerful my heart sank at the MERE thought of the image I finished on last time. I spent the next hour fighting with myself over whether or not I should masturbate. I FOUGHT tooth and nail! I just couldn't believe how badly I wanted to look at porn. I won that battle; just barely. At that point I started looking online for websites pertaining to porn addiction because I was pretty sure I was addicted. I ran across YBOP and read the entire newbies page for the next hour. My wife came home while I was reading and having been aware that I was trying to quit porn I didn't have anything to hide.
When I finished reading I started processing what I was feeling and I started getting upset. I was in the shower with my wife (nothing sexy going on, just good company) and lost it. I told her that I was pretty sure I was addicted and described what happened to me. She was supportive just like always and comforted me. The next day I was a little under the weather but I was okay. Just needed to let it out I suppose.
Alright, lets wrap it up. Long post!
I made it another nine days before I got a huge case of the "fuck-its" and relapsed. I figured I made it roughly the same length as last time and I don't feel bad about it. Tonight the urge came on again but I popped on here instead and it seems to have subsided. The whole "educate yourself" part of the video and all. I hope someone takes the time to read this and maybe finds something in common with my story because I felt alone and unique for far too long over this.
My wife has been very supportive. She has been initiating sex every couple of days like a champ to help out and I do feel more connected to her as a result. I just wish these PMO urges would go away or lessen. Probably from the relapses.
I already work out, I have a loving wife, great parents, good job, etc... Nothing is really missing from my life that I can think of. I think I just need to ditch this habit and get moving on me version 4.0.
Thanks for reading or skimming. I'd like to make it two weeks with no relapses. I think I can do it. I made it ten days; what's another four? Wish me luck!
My name is... Joey... Joe Joe... Junior... Shabadu.
Clearly a Simpsons fan.
This isn't really day one for me. It's actually week four for me with two relapses. The first time I went ten days before I was overwhelmed by an urge to look at porn. More on that later. The second time I went 9 days. I almost didn't make it tonight but this website and YBOP helped me get through it.
I guess i'll start at the beginning.
The Beginning....
I saw my first porn magazine when I was eight. My sister and I went and bum-rushed our parent's bedroom one morning; I think it was mother's day or something. I was on my mom's side, my sister on my dad's. After some time (I forget how we noticed in the first place) we looked at my sister and my dad saw her giggling and looking at a magazine he had right next to the bed. He immediately picked it up and threw it against the wall where it landed in a pile with the rest of the mags.
I remember how his reaction fueled my curiosity to check out what the fuss was about when he wasn't around. I was with a friend and we explored together what had caused such a reaction from him. As it turns out and as I'm sure you guessed, they were porn magazines! Well... Needless to say my friend and I were very interested in these. At first they were just giggle material, but we found that the more we looked, the more our bodies responded to what we saw. These were the first stages of sexual awakening in my little body.
Soon after more friends were interested. Some of the older boys were interested too and we got a little physical with each other. Back then we thought we were having sex with each other but for the most part we were just playing out what we were seeing in the mags. It wasn't long before my parents caught on and started setting traps. Eventually I was caught and a very long and anxious conversation occurred about how porn is bad and I shouldn't look at it anymore. I of course said I wouldn't. We all know that didn't last long. I became master of the shadows. I was never caught again as a young boy. As a teenager, that's a different story. It's a funny story but irrelevant to the topic at hand. END BEGINNING.
The Middle...
When I was Thirteeeeeeen...... I had my very first orgasm...... I had it in the bathroom, to fantasies of hot girls.... with blond curls....
Anyways.
That's when it all started. I upgraded from dad's Mags to dad's Video Tapes. That's right. With a VCR. That's when I was first exposed to what anal sex was. I liked it immediately. Well, it was gross for about five minutes, but I never looked away. From then on I used porn on a daily basis whenever I could. I never masturbated excessively. I use that term loosely of course. I knew guys who would masturbate to porn 4-6 times a day at that age. I did it once, sometimes twice a day. Once I got my own computer it got easier for me to find and keep porn. Kazaa, Limewire, etc... Those were my best sources for video. I never had a shortage.
I had friends and family and all of that. I never felt that it was getting the better of me or that I wanted to jerk off more than have sex with a girl; porn was just much more available than girls were back then. I was a bit of an outcast at my high school. I was a good friend and a best friend; not so much a boyfriend. I attribute it to having an older personality. No senior wants to date a younger guy, even if he is more mature.
Fast forward to the end of high school. I was fried on school. I really didn't want to go to college yet. I took a year off. The problem was, no one else did. I found myself very lonely and without the means (i.e Driver's license) to find new ones. I had a stable job as a restaurant manager (good work for a 18/19 year old). I managed my depression with packages from amazon, online gaming, and porn. Between work and the other three things I made it through that tough year and hooked up with some former acquaintances who became good friends later. The porn came with me. END MIDDLE.
The End So Far...
**If you've been skimming up to this point you can start reading now. I promise it gets jucier... in a story development way...**
Okay. I met my wife when I was 20. She was my second serious girlfriend. She was always tolerant of my porn usage. She knew I looked and PMO'd frequently. I never masturbated more than once or twice a day. Usually only once. Throughout our relationship though I always felt a need to masturbate. Most times I wanted to PMO more than I wanted to have sex. Sometimes I would have sex and then an hour later PMO. I wasn't until maybe three or four years in that I made myself a rule that I wouldn't PMO on days that I had sex. Eventually I got used to this and it was fine. Not a big thing to give up since I already got some that day anyways.
The urge to PMO despite sex being available always struck me as weird; sort of an anomaly. I never read much into it other than the fact that I knew it was unusual. I had been to another forum and most people didn't know what to make of it. This was long before the idea that porn addiction is actually a real thing to watch out for. I would usually just put it in the back of my head. Sometimes I felt like maybe it meant I was in the wrong relationship; that maybe I just wasn't that into my wife at the time. I think it led to some rough patches we had in it's own way. It certainly stunted our sexual relationship. Of course this is all retrospection. I didn't know that at the time; I just thought I had a low sex drive. I no longer think that.
The last couple of years i've been making adjustments to my porn usage. I never thought I was addicted due to the fact that I never masturbated "excessively" (note the quotes this time), but I did feel like I could cut back. I felt like it was reducing the opportunities to have real sex with my wife so I tried stopping for a week. I made it the week without any sex/masturbation at all. After that week I felt like I hit the ceiling with my ejaculate (scary movie anybody?). I was going to try again for two weeks but never did. After that I made more rules that involved not masturbating on days where sex was possible. My wife would work late so I wouldn't see her at all some days. Those days it was okay to PMO. This was very successful and led to more opportunities for sex and general foolishness.
Once our schedule changed over I lost that routine and went back to old habits. I wasn't able to adjust. After a while I found the glory-hole of porn they call tumblr and I think that's where things started taking a turn for me. I was always a one-video kind of guy. I'd go looking for a video with something that I liked, masturbate, and be done; but now it was like a buffet of images and gifs and videos. I would lose hours at night looking through this stuff finding things that I liked. This led to that and I started getting into things I never thought I would like. I found things that made my prior tastes look like church... Well maybe not that far... but still. Things started escalating and I started going down the rabbit hole to places I didn't like and that's when I really started thinking about my usage.
I decided, what harm could taking a month off do? This time masturbation and sex were fine; just no porn. I could even look at bra/panties pics if I really needed to if I kept it to a minimum. Full circle. I made it 10 days with only one day masturbating to a sexy pic (not porn, just sexy) which I considered a successful run. On day eleven I relapsed. I had an urge and masturbated to the stuff I was masturbating to before. When I reached climax it was as if somebody got up off my shoulders. I felt a monumental wash of relief from my body. I don't think I ever experienced that feeling before in my life.
I made it another three days before I was overwhelmed with what I can only describe as the complete opposite of that relief. I felt a jolt of electricity so powerful my heart sank at the MERE thought of the image I finished on last time. I spent the next hour fighting with myself over whether or not I should masturbate. I FOUGHT tooth and nail! I just couldn't believe how badly I wanted to look at porn. I won that battle; just barely. At that point I started looking online for websites pertaining to porn addiction because I was pretty sure I was addicted. I ran across YBOP and read the entire newbies page for the next hour. My wife came home while I was reading and having been aware that I was trying to quit porn I didn't have anything to hide.
When I finished reading I started processing what I was feeling and I started getting upset. I was in the shower with my wife (nothing sexy going on, just good company) and lost it. I told her that I was pretty sure I was addicted and described what happened to me. She was supportive just like always and comforted me. The next day I was a little under the weather but I was okay. Just needed to let it out I suppose.
Alright, lets wrap it up. Long post!
I made it another nine days before I got a huge case of the "fuck-its" and relapsed. I figured I made it roughly the same length as last time and I don't feel bad about it. Tonight the urge came on again but I popped on here instead and it seems to have subsided. The whole "educate yourself" part of the video and all. I hope someone takes the time to read this and maybe finds something in common with my story because I felt alone and unique for far too long over this.
My wife has been very supportive. She has been initiating sex every couple of days like a champ to help out and I do feel more connected to her as a result. I just wish these PMO urges would go away or lessen. Probably from the relapses.
I already work out, I have a loving wife, great parents, good job, etc... Nothing is really missing from my life that I can think of. I think I just need to ditch this habit and get moving on me version 4.0.
Thanks for reading or skimming. I'd like to make it two weeks with no relapses. I think I can do it. I made it ten days; what's another four? Wish me luck!
