GingerSnap
Member
The word addiction comes from the myth of Addictus which was a slave that was eventually freed but was so use to being a slave he still lived his life as such.
With that being said I watched my first porn at the age of 11. I am now 38. My cousins and I were at one there houses one rainy afternoon. We were bored and wanted to watch a movie. We saw there was a tape already inside the VHS so we proceeded to press play. You guessed it it. It was a porno. As you read above my age states I was at the beginning stages of puberty. Thinking back that was a very impressionable day in my life. That was the time when my brain really started to identify what is arousing sexually.
My mother being a single parent made me aware of the risk of teen pregnancy and in some ways chasitized me. I cant blame her I was tall for my age and had things going on with my family during my teenage years. Being a child of a single mom like most boys that grow to become men. We tend to put females on a pedestal. I developed approach anxiety because at the time my needs was secondary. How can I focus on a relationship with a needy teenage girl at a time when my focus was on athletics,family and myself.
This is where porn comes in. I grew in a time where you can flip the xxx channel back and forth sometimes it would come out clear enough to focus on and MO. Porn was used to satisfy my sexual needs throughout my teens. It continued on through my 20s and 30s.
The use of porn comes from a place of self satisfaction. Why bother someone when you can do it yourself. It comes from a place where my needs didnt matter because there are more important things to worry about than for me to ask a woman for sex. I was unselfishly selfish if that makes any sense.
For a long time I was a slave to PMO it helped me through stressful times and helped me through times of happiness.
This is coming to grips with why I watched so much of it.
With that being said I watched my first porn at the age of 11. I am now 38. My cousins and I were at one there houses one rainy afternoon. We were bored and wanted to watch a movie. We saw there was a tape already inside the VHS so we proceeded to press play. You guessed it it. It was a porno. As you read above my age states I was at the beginning stages of puberty. Thinking back that was a very impressionable day in my life. That was the time when my brain really started to identify what is arousing sexually.
My mother being a single parent made me aware of the risk of teen pregnancy and in some ways chasitized me. I cant blame her I was tall for my age and had things going on with my family during my teenage years. Being a child of a single mom like most boys that grow to become men. We tend to put females on a pedestal. I developed approach anxiety because at the time my needs was secondary. How can I focus on a relationship with a needy teenage girl at a time when my focus was on athletics,family and myself.
This is where porn comes in. I grew in a time where you can flip the xxx channel back and forth sometimes it would come out clear enough to focus on and MO. Porn was used to satisfy my sexual needs throughout my teens. It continued on through my 20s and 30s.
The use of porn comes from a place of self satisfaction. Why bother someone when you can do it yourself. It comes from a place where my needs didnt matter because there are more important things to worry about than for me to ask a woman for sex. I was unselfishly selfish if that makes any sense.
For a long time I was a slave to PMO it helped me through stressful times and helped me through times of happiness.
This is coming to grips with why I watched so much of it.