Strange Things are Happening

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
I was about a week and a half (give or take) into another reboot cycle and it all just got shot to hell. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks and I really like her a lot. We were making out the other day and then something happened as we were doing so that affected me greatly. Another unwanted sexual thought entered my mind seemingly out of nowhere. I've been suffering those for years, but this time it was different. My brain thought for a brief moment, "What if you were kissing X instead?" I'm not going to divulge who X is, but let's just say that I've suffered unwanted sexual thoughts about this person before and I DEFINITELY am not and should not be attracted to them. Porn addiction has caused me, it seems, to lose my mind. The thought kept entering through my head as we kept going and by the time we were done, it was as though my entire sex drive disappeared. I can't think of this girl now without thinking of X. For the last 3 days, I've felt hollow, confused, and ashamed. I know that logically speaking, I have absolutely no reason to feel this way, but I do. And when these things happen, my brain isn't concerned with logic. It feels the way it does and looks for some sort of answer and it panics if it can't find one. Worse still, I PMO'd two days in a row for reasons I can't say. Maybe my addiction fed off the lack of dopamine. Maybe I was trying to get my sex drive back. Maybe both. Both times were miserable and will likely only elevate my anxiety. I know quitting porn is supposed to fix my brain, but this thought happened during a reboot. Has anyone else ever experienced this sensation before? Can anybody help me? Also, it's worth noting that we were in the back of a car and my legs were pressed together against "the boys" and I was sore for hours after, but idk if that has anything to do with it. Any advice would be appreciated.
 

ruuddejong

Active Member
During the reboot, especially at the early days, your brain will do many tricks to get you back to PMO so that it can get its dopamine hit.

I believe this is exactly what happened to you - you should try the hard mode for a 2-3 months, and then go back to dating etc if you are single.
 

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
I'm beyond aware of what the brain will do to try and keep me addicted. I've just never had something kill my entire sex drive before.
 
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