Black box recorder

Something fairly profound happened me last night. As I was lying awake I got a sudden vivid reminder about an old pocket-sized notebook that I put together approx 10 years ago. I used this notebook as a handy review journal to remind myself about why I was turning away from porn and choosing a life of purity and fullness rather than secrets & shame. I would read the points in this journal everyday and it would help.

When I got tired of fighting the battle I hid the notebook somewhere and I had no idea where I even left it. Then my brain did this weird and wonderful thing and just spoke to me like a voice saying "Try looking behind the bookshelf". Then I woke up today and checked....sure enough, I had hid it there years ago.

I was encouraged by this memory because it was like something from the deepest core of my being saying "I want you to read what you wrote in that notebook and start following it again. I want you to strive again, I want you to be well again." And my brain was agreeing with this thought by saying "Yep. Let's fix me"

I want to share with you all what I had written in that pocket journal years ago as it might be helpful to others. In no particular order, here are the reasons I listed for staying away from PMO.

[list type=decimal]
[*]I want to become the sort of man I can honestly respect.
[*]I'm tired of lying, hiding and covering up.
[*]I want to be in control of my body and mind.
[*]I don't want to support an industry that is abusive to women and men.
[*]I don't want to feed an addiction that is arguably stronger than heroin & cocaine.
[*]If I keep looking at porn I will never be free.
[*]I want freedom!
[*]I don't want to wake up at the age of 50/60/70 and still be doing this.
[*]I don't want to have wasted this life that God gave me, not fulfilling the real purposes meant for me.
[*]I want to feel better about myself, have a better character, be more confident, have more self-esteem.
[*]I want to become the man that I was destined to be for my future wife and kids.
[*]I want to be pure and help others achieve purity.
[*]I want to treat women with the respect that they deserve.
[*]Life was suppose to be lived away from all of this shit!
[*]I want to live a life of gratitude & appreciation, and intimacy with my creator.

[/list]


So there it is guys.... A solid reminder from a 10 year old journal. Like a "ping" from a black box recorder of a lost old plane wreck. Time to pick up the pieces.

An inventory of all the reasons you should quit porn is an excellent place to start. Unfortunately, for me, such lists did little to keep me in check when the craving returned. All of my reasons for quitting paled in comparison to the reasons I had for acting out (e.g., helping me escape painful or annoying emotions, making me feel alive, etc.). Trying to overcome temptation by recalling my motives for abstinence was like trying to stop a freight train by throwing rocks at it. Something more was needed. For starters, I needed other/better coping skills to deal with my feelings that I could rely on when triggers (internally and externally generated) returned. Some of my coping methods are: contributing to this forum, reaching out to friends who share in this struggle in moments of temptation, regular prayer/meditation, avoiding isolation, practicing gratitude, keeping my focus on the present moment/day (rather than resolving to stay off porn for the rest of my life), and looking for how I can be helpful to others. Glad you found renewed motivation to work on you. Wishing you a sober/sane 24 hours.

neuroaddict said:

An inventory of all the reasons you should quit porn is an excellent place to start. Unfortunately, for me, such lists did little to keep me in check when the craving returned. All of my reasons for quitting paled in comparison to the reasons I had for acting out (e.g., helping me escape painful or annoying emotions, making me feel alive, etc.). Trying to overcome temptation by recalling my motives for abstinence was like trying to stop a freight train by throwing rocks at it. Something more was needed. For starters, I needed other/better coping skills to deal with my feelings that I could rely on when triggers (internally and externally generated) returned. Some of my coping methods are: contributing to this forum, reaching out to friends who share in this struggle in moments of temptation, regular prayer/meditation, avoiding isolation, practicing gratitude, keeping my focus on the present moment/day (rather than resolving to stay off porn for the rest of my life), and looking for how I can be helpful to others. Glad you found renewed motivation to work on you. Wishing you a sober/sane 24 hours.

Click to expand...

Touch?.

You've just explained what was in my head but I wasn't aware of to speak it out. Indeed, after giving it some thought, I believe some people can't really do it just by stopping and talking themselves out of it. I'm one of them. When the hard urges kicked in, nothing I said to me was able to drag me out. I need to actually do something else than just sitting there and trying to reason.

changemylife said:

neuroaddict said:

An inventory of all the reasons you should quit porn is an excellent place to start. Unfortunately, for me, such lists did little to keep me in check when the craving returned. All of my reasons for quitting paled in comparison to the reasons I had for acting out (e.g., helping me escape painful or annoying emotions, making me feel alive, etc.). Trying to overcome temptation by recalling my motives for abstinence was like trying to stop a freight train by throwing rocks at it. Something more was needed. For starters, I needed other/better coping skills to deal with my feelings that I could rely on when triggers (internally and externally generated) returned. Some of my coping methods are: contributing to this forum, reaching out to friends who share in this struggle in moments of temptation, regular prayer/meditation, avoiding isolation, practicing gratitude, keeping my focus on the present moment/day (rather than resolving to stay off porn for the rest of my life), and looking for how I can be helpful to others. Glad you found renewed motivation to work on you. Wishing you a sober/sane 24 hours.

Click to expand...

Touch?.

You've just explained what was in my head but I wasn't aware of to speak it out. Indeed, after giving it some thought, I believe some people can't really do it just by stopping and talking themselves out of it. I'm one of them. When the hard urges kicked in, nothing I said to me was able to drag me out. I need to actually do something else than just sitting there and trying to reason.

Click to expand...

Guys, I cannot thank you enough for these replies of wisdom. You've set me straight. Here I was thinking I was uploading some golden nugget, only to realise that my points are far out-dated. This is just what my ego needed to be honest.
I believe that this was the whole point of why my soul/brain/being wanted to find that notebook. I needed to build on it.
I see clearer now with your points @neuroaddict, so thank you for those.
Obviously my little notebook didn't work 10 years ago or I wouldn't be back here. But I'm already learning so much here everytime I log in.
I'm humbled guys, I've alot to learn and build on. Thanks again!

Your ego is not your amigo.