I want to go to a Strip Club

D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Hello,

Look, I've just had enough. I've had enough of the lack of sexual stimuli in my life (REMINDER: I'm a 34y/o who has never had any intimate moment with a woman - believe me, this is extremely frustrating!!)

I can accept eliminating Porn, masturbation, sexual fantasying, etc, but come on.... why is going to a strip club not a recommended activity to be around real girls?! Especially if you're like me someone who has had no experience of being around the opposite sex in a sexualized manner...??

I'm thinking to go there and just relax - surely it's so much better than spending my time isolated and alone in my room? (Believe me, I'm spend far too much time alone as I have  difficulty making friends!)

After all, it's more natural to be around real sexual stimuli than to avoid it all together!

I really want to go, but I want to read as many arguments as possible as to whether this would harm my reboot or not.

Thanks.




 
F

Fireside

New Member
I think it's a double-edged sword, but I might be wrong. A real stimuli is indeed valuable and could help the reboot, but there's also the fact that in the end you're not truly enjoying a romantical experience, because in the end they just want your money and might make it pornographical. I'm not sure what to tell you here but... I guess it's a shot in the dark. It could help you, it might not. But I don't think it's going to harm your reboot. Wait for more replies, let's see the opinion of other rebooters.
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Yes, but I'm not looking for romance from them; I'm simply looking for a real sexual stimuli to, hopefully, reduce my frustration (I repeat, our ancestors did not prevent themselves from any real sexual stimuli - so where is the sense in us doing it??) and hopefully improve my PIED (getting erect at a sight of a real woman would be like me training for the right sport!).  I want to be able to get erect without romance, like pre-PIED! (I do value romance and affection, but a 'healthy' penis/mind state would be to get erect without it!)

I'm hoping the experience of going to strip clubs will also, eventually, overtake the porn images that I have in my mind. Instead of thinking of Pornstars (which I rarely do these days, but nonetheless I need to replace it with real stimuli), I'll be thinking about seeing that hot girl(s) from that time at the strip club!

Plus, I'm not sure how 'good' London's strip clubs are, but I don't think they're that 'imaginative'. (therefore reducing the pornographic stuff)

 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Our ancestors didn't go to strip clubs. They had sex.

I can only speak for myself. I think I would be at a greater risk of a relapse if I wen to a strip club. These women are wearing porn star high heels and make up. In my opinion, it would just strengthen the urge to look at porn.

You might be different. So I can't really tell you what effect it will have on you.

Yes, they are real women, but your interaction with them is like on a porn site. You can't touch them (unless you are prepared to pay for the experience) and you most likely won't be having sex with any of them. It's porn without the screen.

Real interaction is touching, smelling and having sex.

Just my 2 cents worth.
 
N

Numez

Guest
come on people. ultimate embarrassment is all it takes. you just go through asking girls to give you numbers/hung out with you. you just ask any girls that you rate 5-10/10, its as simple as it gets. dont look for expensive or shortcut ways to it. if you have 0 balls, focus on that. thats the problem. if you cant solve it, suffer!!!! simple again. 
 
jimthejones

jimthejones

Active Member
A couple of questions to consider

Why do you think that strip clubs are the best solution to dealing with some of the problems you mentioned ?

Have you done this before I.e going to a strip club during recovery ?  if yes did you manage to avoid pmoing after ?

Did you consider other alternatives ? besides strip clubs.


 
doneatlast

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
You coming home from the strip club with a bounce in your step, renewed will power for your reboot, and a returned clarity of mind: next to impossible.

I think it is the porn brain talking.  Yeah, it is in 3d, but it is still artificial, fake sexual stimulation.  No relationships, no bonding....

It is a myth that we have a fixed amount of sexual energy that must be expended in either positive or negative ways.  If that was true, porn addiction wouldn't be as much of a thing, because we'd expend what we need to, and be done.  Instead we get our brains all out of whack.  That is why your brain thinks it needs to get the release at the strip club.  It wants a dopamine hit, and it wants it BAD. 

Men who have had all sorts of sexual relationships and/or are married have the same problems.  Don't beat yourself up for being 34 without relationship experience.  The grass is always greener.  Single guys always think the guys with partners have it easier, and the guys with partners think the single guys have it easier. 

Hang in there, and it'll pass.  If you sit around day dreaming about strippers, it won't pass, though. 
 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
DepressedAndOut

If you live in London there are so many opportunities to meet women. I had a friend who frequently went to speed dating events. He said it was easy. He had to talk to each woman for about 3 minutes (so if he didn't like them or the conversation was really difficult he only had to endure 3 minutes with them). You could potentially meet 20 women in one night. If you can do it 3 times a week then it's 60 women a week. Over a year that's 3120 women! More importantly, that's 3120 women who are actively looking for a partner! Even if you only went once a week, you'd still be meeting 1040 women who are looking for a partner.

I know sex is you primary goal here. I imagine it must be frustrating to still be waiting for your first sexual encounter at 34. If I were you, my first objective would be to meet as many women as possible so I could find out what works for me and what doesn't work for me when it comes to seduction.

Your porn pathways are trying to convince you that a strip club would be a good idea. I'm not convinced. Yesterday my old porn pathways were trying to convince me that finding someone for sex chat would be a good idea. I have a partner and can chat about sex with her if I wanted. My rational brain intervened and I didn't go looking. On line sex chatting is another form of artificial stimulation. It's just porn with words and not pictures.

These are all tricks the brain uses to get it's fix. It is craving it's dopamine hit. If you can stay strong, find ways of meeting real women, and not just for sex, then your brain should rewire and you'll be good to go!

Best of luck!
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
mousemat1 said:
Our ancestors didn't go to strip clubs. They had sex.

I can only speak for myself. I think I would be at a greater risk of a relapse if I wen to a strip club. These women are wearing porn star high heels and make up. In my opinion, it would just strengthen the urge to look at porn.

You might be different. So I can't really tell you what effect it will have on you.

Yes, they are real women, but your interaction with them is like on a porn site. You can't touch them (unless you are prepared to pay for the experience) and you most likely won't be having sex with any of them. It's porn without the screen.

Real interaction is touching, smelling and having sex.

Just my 2 cents worth.
Click to expand...

I know our ancestors didn't go to strip clubs.... but many of them must have been walking around without clothes!

It's true that I'm most likely to relapse after going home (not to PMO, but maybe to MO using the duvet as the 'woman'!)

Actually, about using the rolled up duvet as the women, when I insert a partially erect penis inside it (when about a 2 or 3 in strength!) my erections turn to 5 or a 6 (which is expected as I'm rubbing against it), but when I pull out, the blood in my penis stays there for much longer than when simply using your hand to erect the penis. I don't know why.

 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
Nikola Numez said:
come on people. ultimate embarrassment is all it takes. you just go through asking girls to give you numbers/hung out with you. you just ask any girls that you rate 5-10/10, its as simple as it gets. dont look for expensive or shortcut ways to it. if you have 0 balls, focus on that. thats the problem. if you cant solve it, suffer!!!! simple again.
Click to expand...


I live with parents currently as financially at the moment I can't afford my own place. I don't know if I will ever be able to afford my own place. (and therefore the chance of my meeting someone and taking her back home! :( )
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
jimthejones said:
A couple of questions to consider

Why do you think that strip clubs are the best solution to dealing with some of the problems you mentioned ?

Have you done this before I.e going to a strip club during recovery ?  if yes did you manage to avoid pmoing after ?

Did you consider other alternatives ? besides strip clubs.
Click to expand...

Never been to a strip club.

The other alternatives is going to a casino where the female workers are wearing a very low cut top.

The problem is that I can't stare at them with peace in my mind as I'm nervous about getting caught by them or someone around me!

 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
DoneAtLast said:
You coming home from the strip club with a bounce in your step, renewed will power for your reboot, and a returned clarity of mind: next to impossible.

I think it is the porn brain talking.  Yeah, it is in 3d, but it is still artificial, fake sexual stimulation.  No relationships, no bonding....

It is a myth that we have a fixed amount of sexual energy that must be expended in either positive or negative ways.  If that was true, porn addiction wouldn't be as much of a thing, because we'd expend what we need to, and be done.  Instead we get our brains all out of whack.  That is why your brain thinks it needs to get the release at the strip club.  It wants a dopamine hit, and it wants it BAD. 

Men who have had all sorts of sexual relationships and/or are married have the same problems.  Don't beat yourself up for being 34 without relationship experience.  The grass is always greener.  Single guys always think the guys with partners have it easier, and the guys with partners think the single guys have it easier. 

Hang in there, and it'll pass.  If you sit around day dreaming about strippers, it won't pass, though.
Click to expand...


So what if I'm looking for a dopamine hit from REAL sexual sources?? that's what we're programmed to do! It's a lot better than craving for PMO! (Which thankfully I don't)


You can say that strippers are 'pornofied' all you like, the fact is, they are REAL and therefore they don't have the devastating effects of High Speed Internet Porn. Also, I'm sure real couples dress up for each other with hot lingerie and do stuff like role play and shit. It doesn't mean it's bad.

Thanks for your support, though.
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
mousemat1 said:
DepressedAndOut

If you live in London there are so many opportunities to meet women. I had a friend who frequently went to speed dating events. He said it was easy. He had to talk to each woman for about 3 minutes (so if he didn't like them or the conversation was really difficult he only had to endure 3 minutes with them). You could potentially meet 20 women in one night. If you can do it 3 times a week then it's 60 women a week. Over a year that's 3120 women! More importantly, that's 3120 women who are actively looking for a partner! Even if you only went once a week, you'd still be meeting 1040 women who are looking for a partner.

I know sex is you primary goal here. I imagine it must be frustrating to still be waiting for your first sexual encounter at 34. If I were you, my first objective would be to meet as many women as possible so I could find out what works for me and what doesn't work for me when it comes to seduction.

Your porn pathways are trying to convince you that a strip club would be a good idea. I'm not convinced. Yesterday my old porn pathways were trying to convince me that finding someone for sex chat would be a good idea. I have a partner and can chat about sex with her if I wanted. My rational brain intervened and I didn't go looking. On line sex chatting is another form of artificial stimulation. It's just porn with words and not pictures.

These are all tricks the brain uses to get it's fix. It is craving it's dopamine hit. If you can stay strong, find ways of meeting real women, and not just for sex, then your brain should rewire and you'll be good to go!

Best of luck!
Click to expand...

I don't live in London, I have some family living there and so sometimes I go there to stay at the weekends.

I still live with my family here in Cambridgeshire, so therefore going to speed dating events, as a 34 y/o virgin who still lives at home and has emotional, physical and psychological issues, is not really the best of ideas for me currently, unfortunately.

I don't think it's my porn pathways that's convincing me here to go to a strip club, it's my rational analysis of it. (ie, real sexual stimuli is still better than social isolation and crying myself off while being sexually frustrated and emotionally drained. If there was one thing that relaxed me during those long years as a virgin, it was seeing naked women! Albeit it in picures and clips.)
 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I'm sorry to hear you have such problems.

I have some experience of PIED and can share my experiences and offer some advice. I can't really help you with the other issues in your life because I have no real understanding of them and their underlying causes.
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
I appreciate that and I appreciate your efforts.

I just have no idea how to progress my life right now and to reach out to help. My life is now simply too embarrassing and emotionally difficult to talk about - which doesn't bode well if I one day meet a woman and we got to know each other.


 
doneatlast

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
DepressedAndOut said:
DoneAtLast said:
You coming home from the strip club with a bounce in your step, renewed will power for your reboot, and a returned clarity of mind: next to impossible.

I think it is the porn brain talking.  Yeah, it is in 3d, but it is still artificial, fake sexual stimulation.  No relationships, no bonding....

It is a myth that we have a fixed amount of sexual energy that must be expended in either positive or negative ways.  If that was true, porn addiction wouldn't be as much of a thing, because we'd expend what we need to, and be done.  Instead we get our brains all out of whack.  That is why your brain thinks it needs to get the release at the strip club.  It wants a dopamine hit, and it wants it BAD. 

Men who have had all sorts of sexual relationships and/or are married have the same problems.  Don't beat yourself up for being 34 without relationship experience.  The grass is always greener.  Single guys always think the guys with partners have it easier, and the guys with partners think the single guys have it easier. 

Hang in there, and it'll pass.  If you sit around day dreaming about strippers, it won't pass, though.
Click to expand...


So what if I'm looking for a dopamine hit from REAL sexual sources?? that's what we're programmed to do! It's a lot better than craving for PMO! (Which thankfully I don't)


You can say that strippers are 'pornofied' all you like, the fact is, they are REAL and therefore they don't have the devastating effects of High Speed Internet Porn. Also, I'm sure real couples dress up for each other with hot lingerie and do stuff like role play and shit. It doesn't mean it's bad.

Thanks for your support, though.
Click to expand...

Who said strip clubs were a real sexual experience?  That isn't real.  That is porn without a screen.  It is a cam girl without the cam.  Real sex involves bonding, and an array of hormones, oxytocin among them, the same hormone that pumps when a mother holds a baby.  Check out Gary Wilson's wife, Marnia.  Actually, her work was a big part of nofap and how Gary got involved to begin with.

Real couples may or may not role play, but if they are to have a healthy relationship they do many other things together.  At the very least, they also know each other's real names, and there is no payment involved.

We all need a much, much bigger, deeper, more complicated picture of sex.  Sex isn't just having a dopamine rush over the appearance of a body, computerized or not, and ejaculating semen.  The "men" who have active sex lives that amount to little more than "getting laid" are children on the inside and no better off than those who are at home frustrated with their lack of a sex life.  The truly happy ones are the ones who have a true, holistic picture of what sex is. 

Be patient and gentle with yourself.  The fact of the matter is that our generation (I'm 35) has had serious financial issues.  I'm in the US, and home prices compared to wages are many, many times what they were for my parents' generation.  We're playing by different rules and in a different world.  I lived with my dad on and off for years, and I eventually saw myself more as a roommate to him, and it made the whole situation a lot less draining.  I get that the lack of emotional contact with women is very hard, but strippers won't help.  It will just move you further away from what it is that you really want right now.

Check this out, and give it some thought: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvQrFBOyDs0
 
M

malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
DAO, if you are so convinced that your analysis is correct, why are you even discussing it here? Why don't you just go and do it? Allow me to answer that for you: because you know it's total BS. Going to strippers is a bad idea and you know it. It's another experience that is going to prime you for hyper sexualised thoughts, leave you open to temptation from P, offer you no solution to your intimacy issues - and in fact probably intensify them because you are going to walk away from the experience feeling less hopeful than ever. If intimacy with a real person is what you're craving, all your efforts should be directed towards that end. Strippers are not intimate - it's prostitution with certain guidelines, but it's depersonalised and counterproductive to what you're saying you want. You've built up your problems so much in your head, you've made them into monuments you can't knock down. Believe it or not, there are men in their 30s who do take girls home with them. Don't blame your circumstances, do the work on yourself to break through these limiting beliefs and intimacy concerns. It's the only way. And the strippers? Forget about them. Dumb idea for a recovering P addict.
 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
DoneAtLast said:
DepressedAndOut said:
DoneAtLast said:
You coming home from the strip club with a bounce in your step, renewed will power for your reboot, and a returned clarity of mind: next to impossible.

I think it is the porn brain talking.  Yeah, it is in 3d, but it is still artificial, fake sexual stimulation.  No relationships, no bonding....

It is a myth that we have a fixed amount of sexual energy that must be expended in either positive or negative ways.  If that was true, porn addiction wouldn't be as much of a thing, because we'd expend what we need to, and be done.  Instead we get our brains all out of whack.  That is why your brain thinks it needs to get the release at the strip club.  It wants a dopamine hit, and it wants it BAD. 

Men who have had all sorts of sexual relationships and/or are married have the same problems.  Don't beat yourself up for being 34 without relationship experience.  The grass is always greener.  Single guys always think the guys with partners have it easier, and the guys with partners think the single guys have it easier. 

Hang in there, and it'll pass.  If you sit around day dreaming about strippers, it won't pass, though.
Click to expand...


So what if I'm looking for a dopamine hit from REAL sexual sources?? that's what we're programmed to do! It's a lot better than craving for PMO! (Which thankfully I don't)


You can say that strippers are 'pornofied' all you like, the fact is, they are REAL and therefore they don't have the devastating effects of High Speed Internet Porn. Also, I'm sure real couples dress up for each other with hot lingerie and do stuff like role play and shit. It doesn't mean it's bad.

Thanks for your support, though.
Click to expand...

Who said strip clubs were a real sexual experience?  That isn't real.  That is porn without a screen.  It is a cam girl without the cam.  Real sex involves bonding, and an array of hormones, oxytocin among them, the same hormone that pumps when a mother holds a baby.  Check out Gary Wilson's wife, Marnia.  Actually, her work was a big part of nofap and how Gary got involved to begin with.

Real couples may or may not role play, but if they are to have a healthy relationship they do many other things together.  At the very least, they also know each other's real names, and there is no payment involved.

We all need a much, much bigger, deeper, more complicated picture of sex.  Sex isn't just having a dopamine rush over the appearance of a body, computerized or not, and ejaculating semen.  The "men" who have active sex lives that amount to little more than "getting laid" are children on the inside and no better off than those who are at home frustrated with their lack of a sex life.  The truly happy ones are the ones who have a true, holistic picture of what sex is. 

Be patient and gentle with yourself.  The fact of the matter is that our generation (I'm 35) has had serious financial issues.  I'm in the US, and home prices compared to wages are many, many times what they were for my parents' generation.  We're playing by different rules and in a different world.  I lived with my dad on and off for years, and I eventually saw myself more as a roommate to him, and it made the whole situation a lot less draining.  I get that the lack of emotional contact with women is very hard, but strippers won't help.  It will just move you further away from what it is that you really want right now.

Check this out, and give it some thought: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvQrFBOyDs0
Click to expand...

Com on, be a bit more objective - there's nothing wrong with sleeping around. It's 'wired' into us.

Why is it okay for someone to sleep around in their 20s and then settle down in their 30s than someone who sleeps around until they're 40is or 50ish? So sleeping around should only be for your 20s?? Obviously not. (Sleeping around in your 20s is essential, in my opinion, as this would 'satisfy' you going into your 30s when you intend to settle down with someone. I bet if someone in their 20s didn't sleep with a few girls, will become regretful about it all, and this could cause trouble in the relationship. Needless to say, I will be living with this agony for the rest of my life. )

I am also bitter about being in this cursed generation. It makes me think that when I get older, I will not give a damn shit about the world! (For example, I would probably stop recycling practices!)



 
D

DepressedAndOut

Active Member
malando said:
DAO, if you are so convinced that your analysis is correct, why are you even discussing it here? Why don't you just go and do it? Allow me to answer that for you: because you know it's total BS. Going to strippers is a bad idea and you know it. It's another experience that is going to prime you for hyper sexualised thoughts, leave you open to temptation from P, offer you no solution to your intimacy issues - and in fact probably intensify them because you are going to walk away from the experience feeling less hopeful than ever. If intimacy with a real person is what you're craving, all your efforts should be directed towards that end. Strippers are not intimate - it's prostitution with certain guidelines, but it's depersonalised and counterproductive to what you're saying you want. You've built up your problems so much in your head, you've made them into monuments you can't knock down. Believe it or not, there are men in their 30s who do take girls home with them. Don't blame your circumstances, do the work on yourself to break through these limiting beliefs and intimacy concerns. It's the only way. And the strippers? Forget about them. Dumb idea for a recovering P addict.
Click to expand...

I didn't say I was so convinced, I opened this topic for a rational, objective and critical analysis. I'm hesitant to go as I wanted more evidence/convincing rationale before taking any decision.

Believe it or not, there are men in their 30s who do take girls home with them.
Click to expand...

Obviously I do believe, but what's the relevance of this point exactly??

My circumstances DO HAVE A PART to play in the way that my life have been shaped - being born into a conservative culture is not something I had a choice about. By the time I expanded my believes, and decided that this cultural norms is BS, some of the damage was already done. How is that within my limiting beliefs? If anything, by being open minded about other ways and ideologies, I was actually expanding my beliefs. I also had other issues such as confidence and self-esteem issues every since I was a child and teenager - did you expect me to have solutions to those problems at that age??

To this day I'm working on my self-growth: financially, intellectually, physically, mentally, etc. But right now I'm going through one tough journey with an uncertain outcome - therefore of course I'm going to have some moments of weakness!! After all, those moments of weakness are hiding behind a mask every time I step out of the door and face the world!!

Think about it; put yourself in my shoes for a few seconds - do you think it's easy struggling through the only life that you have without experiencing a moment of one of the best sources of dopamine we can ever have? (Relational sources)
 
mousemat1

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Hi malando.

malando said:
You've built up your problems so much in your head, you've made them into monuments you can't knock down. Believe it or not, there are men in their 30s who do take girls home with them. Don't blame your circumstances, do the work on yourself to break through these limiting beliefs and intimacy concerns.
Click to expand...

We have no idea of how debilitating these problems are for DAO. It might be true that DAO has focused so much on the issues that they now seem insurmountable. I'm sure he knows that he has to do the work on himself to break through these limiting beliefs, but sometimes it seems so simple for somebody looking in on the problem from the outside when the reality for the sufferer is much different. I think a little more empathy is required by us all.

DepressedAndOut, the rest of malando's points are 100% valid. If you are a recovering porn addict, going to strip joints really is a very bad idea. Of course, couples indulge in all sorts of pornified actions. However, they act out these scenarios together. In this way it's not artificial stimulation. It might lead to desensitisation to vanilla sex, but that's another topic.

There is no problem with sleeping round at any age as long as no one is being exploited or hurt. I've had a fair number of sexual partners and, in my experience, one vagina feels pretty much like the next. With this in mind I can tell you, again this is just from my own perspective, that making love to a woman you have a deeper connection with can be more satisfying than having sex with a stranger.

DAO, I can't remember exactly, but if I remember right you don't have a problem with porn addiction, is that right? I think you wrote that you've gone a couple of months without porn and you had no difficulty stopping. Have I remembered correctly?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top