I Need Help Quitting

My addiction is the prime example of "Just once will hook you." It never even was about porn. The first time I masturbated, I was 18 years old. Prior to that, I had no knowledge on nor interest in the subject. I didn't even do it out of sexual curiosity or pleasure, I did it because my anxiety medication failed and I felt horrible. I wanted to "shock" my brain back into shape and there was only one overwhelming sensory force I was willing to try. It sounds stupid now, I know, but I was desperate and not in a great state of mind. Masturbation to mental images turned into pictures. Then gifs and vines, then full-blown videos. I've been digging this pit for 4 and an half years and counting. Suffered several mental breakdowns and a slew of other horrific mental issues. I have only myself to blame. I tried quitting back in the fall, and was able to make it almost 2 months without porn, but I masturbated as needed and eventually, I was overwhelmed by the urge to look at porn. All summer I've looked at porn once a week and I thought I was making progress, but just last week, I felt on the brink of a mental breakdown again due to overwhelming and unwanted thoughts/worries. I said I was done. But tonight, less than a week later, I masturbated without porn, thinking I could ween off. A few hours later, my brain craved actual pornography and I did it again but with porn. I knew the urge would get me now or tomorrow, but I wanted it over and done with. Let me be clear: I have known since Day 1 what I've had to do, but I'm weak and my impulse control has weakened over the last few years. It always gets me. I haven't been able to look myself in the mirror for almost half a decade. I want my brain back. I want my life back. I'm reaching out to anyone who has beaten their addiction and begging for your advice. I need a plan, a technique, a strategy, anything. Going day to day and just counting on myself to resist and overcome hasn't worked. I want to bury this chapter of my life in a grave so deep you can't even see the coffin. But I cannot do it alone, and I refuse to tell anyone in my life what a freak I am, I could not bear the shame. You all on this forum are my only hope. Please save me from myself.

Take some time to consider how you're thinking about your struggle. This is nothing but a mental battle so your mental approach is everything, and I think the approach you are taking is self-defeating. I'm not going to tell you why though, I think it will have a much more profound effect if you figure it out on your own.

Real helpful.

You aren't going to get an answer from anyone else, just guidance. You're going to have to figure out what works for you on your own whether you like it or not. Best of luck brother.

Hi Wounded.

As you say, you know what you have to do. Quit porn.

The problem is that your brain is wired to porn stimuli. If you haven't already done so, I recommend watching Gary Wilson's video on porn addiction and PIED.

I imagine very few people on this site have never relapsed. The thing to remember is that each time you have a run without porn you are weakening the porn pathways. A relapse is a problem, but if you can avoid binging on porn then you shouldn't undo all the benefits you reaped while you were away from porn. Each time you relapse, try to make the next run even longer. You should find staying away from porn a little easier with each restart if you avoid binging and edging and the length of your periods without porn are getting longer.

I relapsed several times, but each time I was more determined to stay clean. It's very, very difficult at the beginning but now I find porn cravings happen very rarely and when they do occur they are easier to dismiss.

Good luck!

mousemat1 said:

Hi Wounded.

As you say, you know what you have to do. Quit porn.

The problem is that your brain is wired to porn stimuli. If you haven't already done so, I recommend watching Gary Wilson's video on porn addiction and PIED.

I imagine very few people on this site have never relapsed. The thing to remember is that each time you have a run without porn you are weakening the porn pathways. A relapse is a problem, but if you can avoid binging on porn then you shouldn't undo all the benefits you reaped while you were away from porn. Each time you relapse, try to make the next run even longer. You should find staying away from porn a little easier with each restart if you avoid binging and edging and the length of your periods without porn are getting longer.

I relapsed several times, but each time I was more determined to stay clean. It's very, very difficult at the beginning but now I find porn cravings happen very rarely and when they do occur they are easier to dismiss.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

100% accurate in my experience

mousemat1 said:

Hi Wounded.

As you say, you know what you have to do. Quit porn.

The problem is that your brain is wired to porn stimuli. If you haven't already done so, I recommend watching Gary Wilson's video on porn addiction and PIED.

I imagine very few people on this site have never relapsed. The thing to remember is that each time you have a run without porn you are weakening the porn pathways. A relapse is a problem, but if you can avoid binging on porn then you shouldn't undo all the benefits you reaped while you were away from porn. Each time you relapse, try to make the next run even longer. You should find staying away from porn a little easier with each restart if you avoid binging and edging and the length of your periods without porn are getting longer.

I relapsed several times, but each time I was more determined to stay clean. It's very, very difficult at the beginning but now I find porn cravings happen very rarely and when they do occur they are easier to dismiss.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

I appreciate the advice. Thank you.

Hi Wounded.

How is your reboot coming along? Have you been able to stay clean?