30 fukkin dayz

30 days. feels like a year

i found a job, 6 days 8-9h per day. thats 48h+ away from internet and around people +all my coworkers are women. big change for me but it works. i had few cravings but nothing too bad still. i know the worst is yet to come but this is huge success for me. 30 days, holy shit im going to kill myself if i fuck it up i cant even imagine going back now.

Congrats man.
Hey, fuckup and i catch up.

funny after this post i had cravings and thoughts of relapse like its worth it. im not gonna reflect on my success for another 30 days because i start thinking im doing good and relapse is not as bad now.

Write down your goals, not just to stay away from porn but what you want your life filled with. Put that paper in your pocket and anytime you feel the thought of temptation look at your own writing, of what you have declared you want in life! Remind yourself of the life you are working toward and building. Also on the same paper write every success. See how far you have come. As those successes, no matter how big or small, as that list grows you will see just how much you have progressed and won't want to throw all of that away! You can do this! I really believe in you! Great job friend! Seriously! If you ever need encouragement free to reach out! I am happy to help any way I can!

thank you aquarious. i do goals and visions on start of the reboot and feel hopeful and inspired to change but i once i dive into reboot all that shit goes out of the window. im too exhausted for that, emotionally and mentally. i ran half marathon 2 days ago without any problems (except getting bored) so im in good shape physically, i could run one right now if it was not so very boring. im drained. im gonna kill myself if i think about goals too much. it makes me feel like shit that i am because when i realize that nothing excites me in this life i want to die even more and relapse seems more reasonable.

i had plans 2 weeks ago but now im contemplating running away from home and being homeless drunk guy, suicide and relapse. i try not to look past 24h, i know around 2 months is worst, its when i actually relapse so i still have some time to go before checking back with myself if all this is real or just reboot symptom. i really think this is reboot because when i watch porn i feel horrible but not like this and people report depression, anxiety, no energy, no motivation etc. when they are rebooting so i will see about that if i go past 2-3-4 months.