I
ImSoSorry
Guest
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Hey, better late than never. Thanks for explaining your actions. Hope your health problem is nothing serious.
Humans generally seem to learn important lessons the hard way, so lighten up on yourself.
If you're in the UK and you need a good recovery coach, try Mark Drax. http://www.deepcoachinginstitute.com/find-a-deep-coaching-professional-3/mark-drax/
Humans generally seem to learn important lessons the hard way, so lighten up on yourself.
If you're in the UK and you need a good recovery coach, try Mark Drax. http://www.deepcoachinginstitute.com/find-a-deep-coaching-professional-3/mark-drax/
N
Numez
Guest
im gonna actually bookmark this thread to read more times later if i want, it inspired me.
That's the problem with saying words, writing words that are designed to throw the blame on someone else and cut them off at the knees. Once it is said it is always there. I know it well. It is what my husband used when I discovered. When you posted in the partner section and in the men's sections, you used the same words and thought processes that our addict partners used. Many of us felt judged and harmed over and over by your words. Our partner section went trough a shake up the like of which I have never seen in 6 years of posting.
I may be a little more thick skinned than most. I started out at YBR. There were not many women on boards that far back. So I went to the 40 and up section and posted my questions in men's threads. And they answered. I told them how it felt to be a partner, helped them see the "wife side" of this. Some men were not nice. But I kept hangin' in there. YBR could be a little wild west at times.
Then Gabe started Reboot Nation. I think I was the first woman here. He asked what we needed. I said a place for partners. And he listened. Our needs are so different from the addict's. And We were two or three and then it grew. The women felt safe. Men popped in and supported us or asked questions. The women became more sharing. It was great.
We had about 6 women that had registered and been posting for months and left as a result of the meaness that came in. I had women join briefly and then send me PMs saying your partner section is not safe.
Then to further be frustrated. A new name would appear send a lightning bolt of "hey just get over it" and then disappear. I have told you this so you can see some of the effects of your words and attitudes.
Even now, your words are starting to get aggressive where you have posted. You need HELP. If the words you use reflect the feelings you have, you need help. Professional counseling help. It feels like you are a pressure cooker and the hate in posting is the valve that lets a little steam out.
I hope you find a way to heal. But tearing other people down so you can feel superior is not the way to do it.
I may be a little more thick skinned than most. I started out at YBR. There were not many women on boards that far back. So I went to the 40 and up section and posted my questions in men's threads. And they answered. I told them how it felt to be a partner, helped them see the "wife side" of this. Some men were not nice. But I kept hangin' in there. YBR could be a little wild west at times.
Then Gabe started Reboot Nation. I think I was the first woman here. He asked what we needed. I said a place for partners. And he listened. Our needs are so different from the addict's. And We were two or three and then it grew. The women felt safe. Men popped in and supported us or asked questions. The women became more sharing. It was great.
We had about 6 women that had registered and been posting for months and left as a result of the meaness that came in. I had women join briefly and then send me PMs saying your partner section is not safe.
Then to further be frustrated. A new name would appear send a lightning bolt of "hey just get over it" and then disappear. I have told you this so you can see some of the effects of your words and attitudes.
Even now, your words are starting to get aggressive where you have posted. You need HELP. If the words you use reflect the feelings you have, you need help. Professional counseling help. It feels like you are a pressure cooker and the hate in posting is the valve that lets a little steam out.
I hope you find a way to heal. But tearing other people down so you can feel superior is not the way to do it.
I
ImSoSorry
Guest
Gracie said:
Probably better that I leave, I am getting professional help. Yes I am angry, at myself and others, the porn industry for what I was exposed to at an age where I couldn't possibly process it or make any rational decisions, whatever entity be it the universe or some higher power that put these cravings in my head, I still have self control though, I won't be doing anything drastic. Our stories aren't so different, I came here seeking advice and a safe place to get things under control as well, and was attacked on all sides with personal insults by addicts and partners alike. Revenge doesn't solve anything.
Good luck to you, and goodbye.
What I said here was not an attack. I wanted you to see the effects of your words. And would like you to remember that when others felt they were attacked by you, your response was we have a difference of opinion. That is what others did was express a different side. With others you were quite direct in expressing words that by intent hurt others. The purpose of this forum is to be helpful in a considerate way. That was Gabe's intent.
If you choose to leave, that is your decision. I wish you well in your recovery.
Peace
If you choose to leave, that is your decision. I wish you well in your recovery.
Peace
I
ImSoSorry
Guest
Gracie said:
I understand, I was speaking of the past. Thank you, same to you.
Probably best that you leave, why, exactly? Wouldn't that simply be a continuation of your old shock-and-awe type behaviour where you come in with something very dramatic, get some responses, and then leave again?ImSoSorry said:
In this case, it seems your impulse is a good one. You are showing some insight into how others feel, and you are thinking in terms of accountability. This is not the time to leave, this is a time to grow. Go against your usual instinct to run and stick around and continue on this new path. Learning self-control is a good thing, learning to be tolerant and measured is good too.
As Gracie said, it's your decision whether you stay or leave, but I really don't think anything she said should cause you to make that decision. She was only adding detail and further insight into what you started. You do show quite deep insight into yourself, your behaviour and into how it affects others. That's actually a good sign for your recovery and improvement in your life. Don't make any big decisions - this place might be important for you as a source of support in your progress with porn-abuse. Keep doing your therapy. It will all come together if you stay committed to your own improvement.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm happy to support you if you need any.
M.